Getting a Sponsor

memasue · Veteran Member

Getting a Sponsor

tomsteve · Senior Member

good on ya for wanting to go to any lengths and also for being leary. heres a link to a pamphlet that can help answer some questions ya have on sponsorship:
www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

don't be afraid to ask questions about THEIR recovery/sobriety. yup, how someone practices the principles comes into action all of them hours not in a meeting, and theres a LOT of them hours. maybe go out for coffee a few times.

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

I had same thing as you...didn't know who to ask, how to pick one except for looking for the point you made. Didn't trust my judgment either. I started praying to my HP about this and within a short time, I had a sponsor. Good luck to you in making this very important decision.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

To me, I think the simple thing would be to go up to someone that seems happy in sobriety, has worked the steps, with at least a year, and just ask, 'Would you care to be my temporary sponsor?' ... There's no contract to sign and you can switch to someone different any time you feel you've stopped growing with your current sponsor ...

But you should get a sponsor soon to be your guide through the steps ... just remember, you're not 'locked in' to one person ... you can change sponsors anytime you want ...

memasue · Veteran Member

Thanks all, maybe I'm just overthinking this whole thing, or maybe I should share this at a meeting? Anyway, appreciate your replies,,,,,,

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

This is what worked for me....I studied the Big Book...The clear cut directions for the steps...I listened in meetings for someone that talked about the steps...The solution. When I heard what I liked...I didn't ask them if they would be my sponsor...I asked them if they would take me through the steps as they are laid out in the book. Any good candidate would be honored to do this...That's exactly what my sponsor said...."I'd be honored too."

Now I had my guide and the responsibility for doing the work was all mine. I totally understood that I'd get out of this process...Only what I put into it. Half effort....Would get me nothing...I also prayed that I'd find the right person and that I'd have the willingness to do this...This was the beginning of faith for me....As was every day I didn't drink. Keep moving forward!

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

You're not asking them to marry you right? Just show you how they were shown to do the steps and what not. They aren't the boss of you, or anything to you other than a trusted friend who will wish you well with or with out them if you need to find someone else. So best thing to do in my opinion is just ask someone. Take action - if it sucks - move on until it doesn't. People said to me in the beginning - you need to learn to take direction and do what you're told. That's true to a point - but this person isn't God either. Really - teaching you how to not need them at all is best. At this point - I don't need my sponsor - I want her. I don't Have To run stuff by her before I do things - I Get To. If you keep moving forward and taking actions toward giving yourself the best possible chance at a healthy life - the sponsor (trusted friend) will begin to see like an essential asset to your overall health just like taking a vitamin or wearing a seat belt or whatever. The mind set changes around it once you begin to see that your HP is throwing you a bone here in this program and it's up to you to take it and savor it. Best wishes.

memasue · Veteran Member

Thanks again all! Promise to self, will find a sponsor asap!
God bless, Mema

Mr_David · MIP Old Timer

My first sponsor was quite the gem. He had over 25 years of continuous sobriety before we even met. Yeah, he had a lot of physical problems, for a man in his 70's, but what he lacked in physical abilities he made up in other areas. He had a kind and gentle soul, for one, which to me really stood out: Not to mention an easy going demeanor which of course made recovery that much easier. He also had a good sense of humor, a infectious "can do" attitude and a good working knowledge of the steps. He was the kind of guy who commanded respect wherever he went.

My current sponsor has more of a spiritual vibe. He can talk for hours on the importance of both spirituality and recovery. He also has a good working knowledge of the steps, which helped me overcome a lot of repressed memory. Both of them had totally different personalities, and of course teaching methods, but they were effective nonetheless. I've personally thanked each one individually for helping me 'stay' sober, and that, my friend, is something I am most grateful for.

Here's my point: I had certain criteria in mind that I thought was relevant before I searched for my next sponsor, but all that worrying led me nowhere. My sponsor is not perfect and either am I; we were made for each other and our first encounter was evidence of that. He had what I wanted, a spiritual swagger about him, which not only proved the existence of higher power, but more importantly how to fulfill God's purpose for our lives. He had patience and tolerance for just about everyone and worked hard on becoming a responsible 'sober' member of AA, not the ego centered ones I was accustomed too. He has been a great friend in sobriety for 12+ years now and I hope that relationship continues.

So here's my suggestion: Don't be afraid to take chances, regardless how it turns out -or as they say in AA: "when the student is ready, his teacher will arrive". Well, maybe not a teacher, but at least a mentor; a person who can bring a smile, a sense of compassion and a jovial spirit to our lives, especially when we need it the most. To me; that's what sponsorship is all about.

~God bless~

-- Edited by Mr_David on Monday 2nd of December 2013 10:39:13 PM

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

Great Posts!

Mike D · MIP Old Timer

Hi Memasue, you've been getting some fabulous responses and very good suggestions for getting a sponsor from all the people on this board. While there isn't much I could add, I would say this: Please make absolutely sure that the person you choose has truly worked the Twelve Steps !!! Only a person who has actually worked (and is working) the Steps can lead you through them. Plenty of people can sound really good as they share in meetings. I know that you're sort of hesitant to do this, but the only real way to know if a person has really worked the Steps is to outright ask them directly. In other words, you have to question them about their experience with the Steps, length of sobriety, how much time they have to give you each week for Step-work, and so forth. Your sobriety and well-being are way too important to just "roll the dice" and take a chance with someone who cannot really help you. Thanks for letting me add to the discussion. Blessings, Mike D.

Sober Strummer · Senior Member

I am so happy for you!

Wanting to do what you need to for staying sober!

I would say to pray and watch. The answer will come to you.

I got a sponsor I could relate to. Mine is a professor at the state university. He is a funny guy with hobbies and motorcycle rider too. He and his wife, and my bride and I have gone on vacations together and AA conventions!

A great sponsor is a gift from your HP.

Fyne Spirit · MIP Old Timer

Lots of good advice above.

Being a sponsor is an honor and a privilage as well as an obligation to those who went before. Any wothwhile sponsor will be very grateful for the opportunity to pass on what they have learned in their journey through the 12 steps, and will be able to show you how to have a spiritual experience. The main job of a sponsor is to help you build a relationship with your higher power through working the 12 steps.

The main qualification of a sponsor is their having had a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps. Time sober has less to do with it. I know women here with less that 12 months who I would absolutely trust with my 18 year old daughter because I have watched them do the work and have their spiritual experiences. By the same token I know a number of long term sober ladies who have nothing to offer.

The main benefit of sponsoring is that the sponsor stays (usually) happily sober and gets to experience in full measure what this program is all about. Keep in the back of your mind that a sponsor should also teach you how to sponsor and encourage your efforts in that area. To quote Bill W, "stability comes from giving, not receiving".

Step child suggest an excellent approach above. I had the same thing with my sponsor and it worked out great.

God bless,
MikeH

-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Wednesday 4th of December 2013 09:14:34 PM