Hi, my name is Nick, 27 years old, and I am new to this website. I am not too sure what to really expect out of signing up on this site, but I figured what's the worse that can happen. I recently received my second DUI this past weekend. I do not believe I have a drinking problem in the sense of always needing a drink, but I do believe I have a problem with drinking and driving. I drink once a weekend at the most, but sometimes I over consume. I have always had a tendency of getting into bad situations with alcohol. I do not know if it is because I think I am invincible that I won't get caught or whatever. I've had a rough year and half. I was laid off last year 2 weeks before I was closing on my house. I then lost the house, and about 5 months ago my girlfriend and I had broke up after 3.5 years. I had already gotten the approval of her father for her hand in marriage, and we let a dumb fight get the best of us. I've noticed that I sometimes drink to forget or hide the pain. This 2nd dui has caused me to be very depressed of my future. I attempted to drink sometime bathroom cleaner at the police station bathroom hoping it would end everything (tasted terrible). I guess I am in a dark place, and I am just looking for guidance from someone. I've decided to check out an AA meeting, but I am not sure how I feel about going to a closed or open meeting for my first time. I am very open and honest, but I don't know if I should first experience a meeting before I start telling my story. I'm not too sure what to expect or do, but I am open to suggestions.
I am not too sure what to really expect out of signing up on this site, but I figured what's the worse that can happen.
Welcome to MIP Nick...Maybe the worse that can happen is you solve this problem that it sounds like alcohol may be causing you....who knows? I know I got my ass kicked by alcohol....Took everything I had and almost killed me. Do you feel like you've had enough?.....I got to the point I couldn't take it any more....And I was ready to do anything to solve my problem. That's up to you as far as what you're willing to do. You don't have to say anything at a meeting.....Nada. Just go to an open one and listen. You might want to show up 10 minutes early...Talk to some people...Break the ice...Tell em you're new. I would recommend getting a copy of the Big Book of AA....It has all the answers. Here it is free online till you can get a copy. Read The Doctor's Opinion first...See if any of that makes sense to you. I'm glad you're here. Hang around and ask questions.
Let me ask you something. How would you honestly answer these two questions from the book?
If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.
Thank you for responding. I feel like I've had enough. I've made plenty of poor decisions causing me to go deeper into depression. Part of me is excited at the idea of possibly a better life-a sober life. Part of me thinks how much worse can it get. I know that the problem is I drink and then I make the poor decision of getting behind the wheel of a car, but I would imagine that is a type of drinking problem. I am not too sure. Life gets hard, and I have a tendency to go the bar to possibly find a new girl. When I received my first DUI, I realized I drank mainly because of arguments between my xgf or another girl in the past. She did help me through my first dui, but unfortunately she is no longer in my life anymore. Maybe this is an excuse of my addiction, but I am not blaming my x or any from my past. I am just very lost since this just happened, and am very scared. I am very happy I did not do anything stupid yesterday by hurting myself, because of being afraid to take this beast on.
In regards to your question, I do have very little control over the amount i consume. That was always a problem, because I never wanted the night to end. I would be having fun, and wanted to continue spending time with people. Plus at a party or bar, anytime someone said shots, I'd be first in line. I was always considered the crazy party guy who was always there making people laugh.
In regards to your question, I do have very little control over the amount i consume. That was always a problem, because I never wanted the night to end. I would be having fun, and wanted to continue spending time with people. Plus at a party or bar, anytime someone said shots, I'd be first in line. I was always considered the crazy party guy who was always there making people laugh.
Don't worry about being scared....I was fricken terrified. The good news is there is a way out. You sound like me. I'd tell the ex wife I was going out for a couple beers....20 beers later and 4 o'clock in the morning I'd roll home. I can't blame that on anything other than I'm alcoholic. It was a relief for me to admit that.
Ya, that was a problem with me, or I just wouldnt come home to her. I don't know what I believe anymore. There's been many nights where I thought about suicide and tried praying for a better life. I do understand that I have to make the appropriate changes in making myself happy, however there were things I could not change with trying with my xgf. No matter how many nights I prayed for help, I feel like nothing ever got better. Maybe the answer was helping me not end my life. I am not sure. I would prefer it be over so the pain and anxiety would go away. Maybe I am at the wrong site and the real issue is depression that causes me to drink or vice versa. It sure is confusing, but I guess this a good start to help with the alcoholism, and maybe the way I think will improve.
Let's just say you are in the right place....Maybe the situation with your ex and the second DUI was just the answer to your prayers you needed. I didn't think there was any way out for me....I was hopeless. Than I saw this worked for others....That was all the hope I needed. I was ready to listen. Why don't you hit a meeting and let me know what you think about it?....It won't cost you anything.
I would prefer it be over so the pain and anxiety would go away. Maybe I am at the wrong site and the real issue is depression that causes me to drink or vice versa. It sure is confusing, but I guess this a good start to help with the alcoholism, and maybe the way I think will improve.
This was me EXACTLY....They told me if I did those 12 steps...My drink problem would be gone and my life would change....I had to take their word on that. Two and half years later without a drink....Happy for once in my life...After 35 years of drinking....I believe them. I don't know if you can find a better site or not....But I won't bullshit you here.....We have some good people here that know how this works...I'd take advantage of that. It's quiet today.....Holiday weekend and all.
Hey Nick, ...Welcome to MIP ... I noticed the conversation with Stepman ... he's giving you great advice for free ... I just wanted to add that you might want to go to a few meetings before sharing your story ... I mean, I feel you should get a feel for what is shared there first, then open up to the group if you like after a few times there ...
I think 'listening' early on did me a lot of good ... at least I didn't feel like an idiot when I shared ... Down here when a new person comes in, we have what we call a '1st Step' meeting ... this is where we share our stories and give you something to see if you identify with what we went through, if so, then you probably belong here with us ... and we're like family here ... one alcoholic helping another to stay sober ... no religion, just a higher power is all we seek to have in order to progress through the steps ...
Welcome and good luck ...
God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I think I will just listen at first. i am planning on going either tomorrow or Tuesday. Luckily, it doesn't bother me too much if I sound like an idiot. I am very open about myself and my past. I know that I cannot put this off any longer if I want to find any type of peace. So when would the first step meeting be? I hope to be a part of this family
I live in Florida...I know down here anybody that shows up for their first meeting....We talk about the first step. Here a is a part of the Big Book that gives directions for what the first step is. The first time I read this....It made sense to me.....I've read it a lot since....And it makes even more sense. That book is a text book..With clear cut directions for the 12 steps....It's meant to be studied like one. They will change your life...You have my word on that.
Chapter 3
MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
I think I will just listen at first. i am planning on going either tomorrow or Tuesday. Luckily, it doesn't bother me too much if I sound like an idiot. I am very open about myself and my past. I know that I cannot put this off any longer if I want to find any type of peace. So when would the first step meeting be? I hope to be a part of this family
Hi GOHAWKS85, it's usually easy to find AA meetings near you. You just Google 'Alcoholics Anonymous' followed by the name of your city (or nearest big city if you live in a suburb, you get the idea). That should take you to some web site that will list all of the AA meetings in your area, by day of the week, Monday through Sunday. You just scroll through the list and find one that is near you and you just show up. Get there are few minutes early and take a seat. Feel free to introduce yourself if you want, or not, whatever is more comfortable for you. And it would be great if you could come back here afterward and tell us how it went. We're glad to help, but your best help will be in the face-to-face real AA meetings.
Welcome Gohawks85, I have been sober six months now. Have a long way to go yet, but I can tell you I feel so much better than I did when I was drinking. I suffer from depression and a lot of my problems were with relationships which made me want to drink more. The drinking made the depression and my relationships so much worse. I got a DUI, too. That is the pits, but I can't beat myself up anymore for it and just try and stay sober and not let it happen again.
Great advice from stepchild and the others who have more sober time than me has been given. Good luck to you.
Thanks everyone for all of your kind words and advice. Ive been lucky to find a lot are scheduled close to my house on a daily basis. I think I am going to try a few different groups and see if I click with anyone and go from there. I know that this isn't something I can fix over night, but I am trying to get a start on this as soon as possible. Hopefully, something positive will come out of this.
You got the right attitude....If you put in the effort....You won't fail. One thing that I had to get honest about...Besides being alcoholic....Was that my way didn't work. That made it easier for me to take suggestions...That worked.
Thanks everyone for all of your kind words and advice. Ive been lucky to find a lot are scheduled close to my house on a daily basis. I think I am going to try a few different groups and see if I click with anyone and go from there. I know that this isn't something I can fix over night, but I am trying to get a start on this as soon as possible. Hopefully, something positive will come out of this.
That's exactly the right attitude, gohawks85. I got sober at the age of 28. That was quite a while ago and now that I can look back and clearly compare what my life had been like before getting sober, and what it has been like since, it is obvious that getting sober has been, by far, the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. Glad to hear you have found some meetings! Let us know what you think of them, and if you have any questions about them, or about any of this, feel free to ask.
Just want to say welcome Gohawks, you've gotten a lot of great suggestions here, hope you take them. There's a better life for you out there, and remember, you deserve it. Peace, Mema
Nick, when I was 27, my drinking very much resembled what yours is now. It took another 10 years or so for it to slowly and insideously grow into a daily thing. In college and through most of my 20s, I identified as the weekend warrior binge drinker. You are describing the process of how alcohol abuse turns into alcohol dependency. Even if you are not yet physically dependent - that does not mean you are not an alcoholic. The only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking. If you mess around with any addictive substance for long enough (in the way you describe - which I do identify with) it will eventually own you. So...you can stop now and not have this get to that point. I applaud your decision to go to a meeting. Very much looking foirward to hearing more from you.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hi Nick,
Welcome. I came into recovery when I was 28. I did not know what was wrong with me. After I stayed in AA for a while, I studied the Doctor's Opinion in the AA book. Not surprising that I discovered that I am a real alcoholic. I started working the steps of recovery and got myself involved in AA. I am here now for just over 25 years, working my program daily. It's a joy to do it.
Kind regards,
Gonee.
How you doing today Nick?....I think I knew I didn't drink like other people by the age of 15...I didn't know why?...The only thing I knew about alcoholism was I had quite a few of them in my family...Figured that's where it came from. I wish I would have got this thing at 27 or 28....It took me until I was 51 to finally admit it beat me. I couldn't fight it anymore...I surrendered. If I could sum up what the next 20 years of your life for you with continued drinking will be like with two words ...It would be this....
Today was a little bit of a better day. I talked to a lawyer and picked up my car. Coincidentally my cab driver has been in AA for 7 years, and I will be attending a meeting with him today. I am somewhat excited/nervous about going, but I know that this is the right thing to do so that's what matters. That is a very interesting quote Chris "All I know is that every time i drank i didn't get in trouble, but every time I got in trouble, I was drunk." It is going to be a long journey of recovery and going through the legal process. I truly appreciate everyones responses. They mean more than you can imagine. Thank you
Hey, that's awesome! I had a taxi cab driver experience too. But in my case, I was the guy with a few years of sobriety helping the cab driver get to his first meetings...
Looking forward to hearing about your experience at the meeting!
Coincidentally my cab driver has been in AA for 7 years, and I will be attending a meeting with him today.
I'm one of those that don't believe in coincidences....From the moment I said...."God, I can't do this anymore...Please help me."...People started coming into my life that helped me....Guided me...Might be a better way to put it. I just don't think they were coincidences.....Enjoy the meeting. You might meet another one....I know I still do.
So I just completed my first meeting. I'm kind of at a loss of words. There were a lot of people, and I admitted that it was my first class even though I wasn't sure if I wanted to just observe. It was great how many people introduced them self to me and offered to go with me to one tomorrow. Coincidentally I seen someone who I considered a brother for many years there. I always felt bad I never reached out to him when I heard he was going to rehab and aa. It was such a relief to see him there. I felt great meeting a lot of the people there, but to know someone that I've known for 15 years was nice. I am going to another one tomorrow, and I do look forward to it. It will be tough saying goodbye to friends since most are pretty big drinkers, and not exactly sure what I will do on my free time now. But what a crazy day. I meet a cab driver who went with me to my first meeting, seen an old friend today at the meeting....Maybe these are signs that I am doing the right thing.
GREAT NEWS GOHAWKS85!!!
I'm so happy for you and yes, you are doing the right thing. You sound so much better and after one meeting! Good for you taking care of you!
Good for you Nick...I felt the same way....I was looking forward to going back....Kind of felt like I was in the right place. As far as the drinking buddies go...Turns out for me....That's all they were. They're still drinking and I don't think they really care what I'm doing....Which is fine. I've met some real friends in AA....People that want what I want.....A new freedom....A new life. Good job man...Keep coming back!
Three men died and were standing at the pearly gates... Peter was there to greet them. He asked the first man.. what have you done in life that would warrant letting you in here? The man replied, "I am a preacher, I preach to millions every night on TV and have a huge congregation". Paul handed him a wooden shaft and a candle... "c'on in".
The next man he asked.. "what have you done in life that would warrant letting you in here?" He replied, "I have received and distributed donated clothes to the poor most of my life". Paul handed him a wooden shaft and a candle .. "c'on in"
The third man looked pretty nervous. "What have you done in life that would warrant letting you in here? The man looked down and said, "Nothing really. I'm just a drunk that drove a taxi cab." Paul handed him a gold shaft and a candle... "Welcome! C'on in here!"
The other two men were puzzled. "Why the heck did a drunk taxi driver get a gold shaft and we only got wooden ones?"
Paul replied. I watched your late night sermon's and just like everyone else, they put me to sleep!" He looked at the other man. "I watched you take in those clothes and give the best to your own family, never to any one else. Everyone else only got the second best!"
"Now, this guy, a drunk.. drove a taxi. And every time he pulled away from the curb with someone in the back seat, within a block he had them calling out for the Lord! He brought more people to God on a daily basis than either of you!"
hehehe
Welcome to MiP GoHawks.. so glad that you found your way to our board and to the meetings in your area. It is really cool that the taxi driver took you to your first meeting and you reunited with an ol' friend that has gotten sober. You are surely on the right path. Just keep going. Don't let your brain talk you out of it... it's not your best friend right now.
Hey everyone! Just wanted to give everyone my update on sobriety. This has been one of the greatest last 4 days of my life. I've met so many people through these meetings. I just left a double meeting, and I'm 4/4 on going to AA meetings in 4 days. Excited for tomorrow's meeting. It's crazy how great I feel right now. These meetings have been filling the void I always had that would be filled through alcohol. First 2 days I went with someone, Wednesday I found the courage to go to a meeting by myself not knowing I'd see a familiar face. Again, I seen someone from highschool. Today I went with someone whos friends with my buddy and hes a great person and a friend now. Seen an old coworker today and a girl I once knew. Met 6 more people who asked for my number and want to go to a meeting together. It's mind boggling how much these people have showed me in 4 days, and I thank all of you for the guidance and advice. Everyone's been asking to drive me, people just calling to see how my day is going. I am not used to having friends like this. I had a lot of friends that I drank with but only were there when I drank. I wish I knew how this was years ago. I leave these meetings happy about life and happy about me. I've realized I am not alone, and that there's so many people wanting to help me, and I want to help them in everything I can. A new friend found the unfortuante news that his wife wants to get a divorce, and I reached out to him to say if you ever need to talk please call me. People are telling me thank you for coming you helped me. It's unbelievable what these meeting do for me. I go to work and I think how much I cannot wait for the next one just like I looked forward to the next party. They describe this as the "honeymoon part", but I hope it goes on forever. I haven't felt so passionate about something since I can remember. When someone has been at their first meeting, Im excited to tell them what this has done for me and how I feel with keeping an openmind. I was scared to say goodbye to my friends, but I've met some amazing people it's great. Thank you so much to all of you for all of your help and amazing advice. I could've died this weekend if it wasn't for all of your help. Loss of words, thank you so much
Nick
-- Edited by GOHAWKS85 on Thursday 5th of December 2013 11:44:26 PM
That's awesome Nick...If I could give you one suggestion....It would be to find the ones that are living this program and grab on to them tight. Learn from them. Good stuff man.
What a great thread and thanks John for the humorous story.
I loved your last post Nick, so full of hope. When things come together as they have for you in the last few days, it's more than luck or coincidence. It's what I like to call a God job. I can identify with how you are feeling at the moment. Many of us have felt like you when we realise we have found a solution to a problem that has been haunting us for years, that at last there is hope for us.
What I was experiencing was a period in God's grace, a taste of what real sobriety is all about. It was a feeling of peace and serenity and above all an overwhelming conviction that at last I was on the right track. All I needed to do to stay in that space was to make a start on the program of recovery, with the help of a sponsor. And I really was willing to go to any lengths to continue this new life.
Since that time, nearly 34 years ago, life has thrown up some rough spots as it always will, but right through everything, that feeling you describe has stayed with me, deep inside. It is the very reason I find the sober life so attractive now. This new life is infinitely better than the old.
Nick,
What a great update and you made my day with your post!. Wow, if you are at a "loss for words" as you said, I cannot wait to read future posts by you when you "open up" more. (LOL). It is wonderful when you said "I've realized I am not alone, and that there's so many people wanting to help me, and I want to help them in everything I can". I am just over 6 months sober (and I hate to use the word "just", as I value each and everyday of sobriety) and it took me a little while before I got to the "wanting to help others" part. Actually, I started feeling that way when I started coming to this board and newcomers would post. (Just like what you are doing and you are helping others who have less sobriety than you do and read such a positive uplifting message about what AA is doing for you).
I was like it sounds like where you are now about getting a sponsor. Then the more meetings I went to, the more I listened to sharers at those and on here, I started to change my thinking to "maybe I should get a sponsor because these people have been sober a lot longer than me and sound really happy". So, I started praying to my HP about it, and within a few days, I had a sponsor. I am more excited than ever and the good feelings I had which you describe as having now, turned into GREAT feelings. I feel a huge sense of relief and I want to feel what all of these lovely people who have worked the steps with their sponsors have.
I look forward to hearing more from you! Again, it made my day reading your posting!
