Tonight was birthday night at my home group. I was recruited to be one of the chair persons. (In Houston, we have 2 people chair the meeting:one does the topic and the other makes announcements,etc.. I did the latter.) We had folks celebrating 2 years, 6 years, 22 years, and 25 years. There was also one who didn't show up, a man who made the thirty one year mark. My co-chair explained that last week, he committed suicide. She said something to the effect of "We'll never know if he took a drink before he did it, or if he just said 'Well, I'm not drinking, but my life s--ks, so...'" That second "what-if" struck me, because as some of you know, that's MY hook. It just tells me that, no matter who we are, we are STILL SUSCEPTIBLE to insane thoughts. Thirty one years... . Even in recovery, there are things that will overwhelm us. Why didn't he reach out for help? We'll never know. It just goes to show how fragile we are. So I say once again, if the desire to "snuff it" crosses your mind, PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE! Please accept my apologies for this somewhat morbid post at a time of happiness and holidays, but I could not keep this in, I had to get it out. My love to you all.- AlcoHater
-- Edited by AlcoHater on Tuesday 26th of November 2013 10:29:36 PM
Page 449 of the 3rd edition of our Big Book has always been the leveler for me...mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically..."And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. Whe I am distrubed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-some fact of my life-unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
Dr. Paul said this and also said that he had no idea at the time he wrote it that it would have such a profound affect in AA recovery. For me the surrender was immediate and I stopped fighting everything that shook my spirit. I stopped asking why? and changed my attitude to why not? It is what it is celebrate the good stuff, the gratitudes and move on in the 12th step. I hope for the people he touched who got and stayed sober and were left with guidance to keep moving on to what we have found and embrace.
Yes we are fragile...compulsive consumption of the chemical alcohol destroys even the willingness to stay in the light and keep trudging the road of happy destiny. Remember that as a chemical it is a depressant among other things and often even when we won't drink we won't reach for relief from the negative long term consequences. Thank you God for his journey and for what he passed on before leaving. Thank you to the man for sticking around each day to help another sick alcoholic. Done
-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 27th of November 2013 01:15:03 AM
Thanks for posting this AlcoHater, ... It brings me 'down to earth' to know such things ... to know I need to keep my feet firmly planted in the reality of today ... ... ... and I will not judge this person, for I do not know what caused him to make the ultimate decision ... could have gotten some bad news from his doctor that he didn't wish to share with others ... maybe he wanted to save himself from the sympathy he knew would come from such news ... we may never know the whole story ... and I will take this as his reminder to me to stay grounded in recovery and maintain my God consciousness today ... It's the only way I know to have any chance of making the next right decision ...
Love ya man and God Bless,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I try to stay away from judgement, not knowing any thing about this man with 31 years who committed suicide. I can assume relatively safely that with that much sobriety, he was likely in his sixties, maybe low 70's. I am less inclined to attach his suicide to the quality of his recovery or lack thereof. Nor am I one who considers all suicides the result of some type of insanity, ongoing or of the moment. Including but not limited to depression.
We come into this world by no choice of our own. We are subjected to the joys and hardships of a life time. Not a planned systematic experience. As we grow older, our health, our financial well being, our sense of relational connectedness and many other elements get attached to our biological clock, which we start to hear ticking louder over the years. We know we are running out of time, and what is left in front of us, as the individual see it, is often the determining factor as to whether life is still precious enough to continue forward or not. However, I don't believe this is a decision we should be making by ourselves. Yet, to do so with a listening ear, can have dramatic ramifications that are not attractive at all to someone who is trying to make a rational decision about bringing their life to an end. And yes, sometimes it is very rational.
After 31 years of sobriety, in this fellowship, at his age I strongly doubt this man could see a better life in front of him than the one he has already experienced. He made a decision. Not one we will understand or grasp the magnitude of. Now we have the option(s) of doing the "he should have, he could have, if only he had..." line of thought, we can also degrade, belittle, or devalue his quality of recovery by attaching it to his decision, or we can celebrate what he brought to us in those 31 years of sobriety, and whatever number of years of his total life experience. And we can only pray that we brought to him just as much as he travelled this journey with us.
John
PS. AlcoHater, I am from Houston. I live in Wilmington, NC now. I got sober in Houston. Lived at the Texas House on 34th St, in 1989, and my home group was the Post Oak Group off 610 and Fountainview. In approximately a week I will be celebrating 24 years of sobriety. I miss Houston and its HUGE recovery community. :)
How tragic. I feel very sad for him as well as his family and friends. I don't know if this occurring so close to the holidays had anything to do with his decision. However, holidays for me as well as many others, although joyful in many ways, can be very depressing. I think we attach so many memories around this time of year and many of them are not all that great. I know I do. Maybe by reading your post, alcohater, and the responses that follow by other caring posters, it will help someone else who is feeling depressed and they will reach out for help and know that they are not alone and there is hope. Suicide can never be undone and it causes extreme anguish and pain to the ones left here to deal with the loss of someone dear to them. God Bless this man and His loved ones.
People of all walks of life make the decision to end their life. In other countries you can go to the hospital to make the decision to end your life.
I would not be in a rush to brand this person as defective.
It is always sad to lose a loved one. I had to make the decision to take my mother off of life support because my dad was on a month long drunk and missing.
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"I spent a lifetime in hell and it only took me twelve steps to get to heaven."
"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you."
Thanks guys. Sadly that isn't the worst of his disaster of a so called parent. I had thought I had lost all respect for him until then. But it actually became less after that.
But to the topic at hand, life has ups and downs. The loss of a long time member is sad. People we recover with are family. They were often there for us when our family was at their wits end. My recovery friends have been some of my best and dearest friends. Hopefully at that meeting there was time to reflect on the deep and meaningful nature of our recovery friends.
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"I spent a lifetime in hell and it only took me twelve steps to get to heaven."
"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you."
