I lost my Dad in April. He was my best friend in the whole world. he was the only constant I have ever known. I miss him more and more each day. I use alcohol to numb the pain, but it now is getting to the point where it is interfering with my everyday life. I love my wife and 2 small boys more than everything. Not sure they know that, but it's true. This year has pushed me as far as I can go. Honestly, I'd like to go back to the point when I could have a beer or 2 with dinner and that was all. No binge drinking, no hiding cans (does that mean I want to get caught?). We moved from Las Vegas, where I didn't drink nearly as much, to the midwest. I miss the West Coast, and I miss my Dad. Why has alcohol taken control of me?? I really am a strong person!! I realize that this year has taken a great deal from me, but I don't like that I am now taking it out on my wife and kids (obviously not physically, but I have become detached from them). I am very jealous of people talking about their parents. Is there a way I can wash this away?
Welcome to MIP, Pokerpunk...
I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like you are like a lot of us who use alcohol to "numb" us. I sure did because I didn't want to deal with the pain and feeling emotions which I didn't think I could handle without the alcohol to numb them away. Problem was for me, the alcohol created more problems in my life and I was using it for every emotion --not only ones I thought were "bad" but the good ones too. It took over my life until I didn't know who "me" was anymore. A lot of other emotions (mostly negative ones) were caused as a result of my drinking, such as jealousy. I was jealous of anyone that had what I lost or who had what I felt I never had and it was painful being in the presence of others who seemed so much happier and ones I thought didn't have nearly as many problems as I had. I started attending AA and come to this board everyday. Staying sober has helped that a lot. I am glad you came to this board. There are oldtimers who have a lot of sobriety time who I listen to and help let me know what has kept them sober. There are newcomers, like me, who I love hearing how they are doing and sharing how I am doing with them. I hope that you will continue to come to this board and let us know how you are doing. We truly care!!
Welcome Pokerpunk....I'm sorry for your loss...I lost mine a few years back. I drank when I had a dad...And I drank when I lost him....Let's face it...I drank because I'm an alcoholic....And alcoholism is a progressive illness...We get worse....Never Better. And I had to smash the idea that I could drink like other people....You know?...Those normals ones?...Ones that don't hide their beercans...I did that...And got caught by the ex wife....Let me tell you...That's not a fun thing to go through. I can't tell you if you're an alcoholi or not...Only you can....But this description from the Big Book of AA gave me a pretty clear idea I was.
Chapter 4
WE AGNOSTICS
In the preceding chapters you have learned something of alcoholism. We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the nonalcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer.
Good news is there is a spiritual solution that will solve your problem...It solved mine....And millions of others.... If that interests you....Hang around here....Hit some AA meetings...Read and reread the book.....There is a solution....And we can help you get it.
I lost my Dad in April. He was my best friend in the whole world. he was the only constant I have ever known. I miss him more and more each day. I use alcohol to numb the pain, but it now is getting to the point where it is interfering with my everyday life.
I realize that this year has taken a great deal from me, but I don't like that I am now taking it out on my wife and kids (obviously not physically, but I have become detached from them). I am very jealous of people talking about their parents. Is there a way I can wash this away?
Sorry for your loss Pokerpunk, ... neither soap and water nor the alcohol can wash away your feelings right now ... in fact, there is no problem in life that alcohol or drugs won't make worse ... but Stepman is absolutely correct, when he said there is a solution ... but you must decide for yourself you want it and take the action to make it happen ...
Go to some AA meetings as soon as you can, and be sure you bring home an AA Big Book to read and reread as was suggested ... it's a start ...
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
Oh, Welcome to MIP by the way, keep coming back ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Sorry for your loss pokerpunk. In my time sober, most of my rocks have died and I was able to grieve for them without any need to drink, which is quite remarkable for an alcoholic of my type.
I have always found that in order for any problem to be solved, it is essential to know exactly what it is. From what you have shared, it seems possible that you may be alcoholic, but there could be other possibilities too, and it might be as well to consider them.
Man has always turned to drink in times of crisis and tragedy. (not every man but commonly). It can be a way of attempting to deal with grief. And for many it works and time brings healing. For others, a little more help is required. For myself I found, when I lost my wife, that a professional grief counsellor was tremendously helpful. AA wasn't a lot of use in this regard except for the fact that I was sober and could benefit from the counselling. AA's single purpose is to treat alcoholism, not grief.
The cause of my drinking was alcoholism. If the cause was something external, like the death of a loved one, then dealing with the cause will remove the need to drink. So perhaps it would be wise to talk to a professional about the grief you are having so much trouble with. It might fix the problem.
If it transpires that you are an alcoholic of my kind, though your loss undoubtedly made things worse, it did not cause your alcoholism and will have no bearing on whether you can get well or not. It is possible to get and stay sober inspite of any external circumstance. The only condition is that we trust God and clean house.
We have a solution to the problem of alcoholism. Are you certain that is your problem?
Aloha Pokerpunk and welcome to the board. You sound ready to stop the insanity wh ich is alcoholism..."a compulsion of the mind and an allergy". It sounds like you have reached the point that I did before I couldn't go any longer which was that alcohol owned me. I drank when I didn't want to and drank when I didn't need to...I just drank and I had absolutely no idea about how powerful the chemical was and that after time I would loose that choice of if or when I drank. It told me when and not to stop. We pay a heavy price from our relationship with alcohol...mind, body, spirit and emotions and everything that is attached...family, friends, jobs and every thing else. It messed my mind up and so I would have never been able to think my way out of it I needed to have hundreds of people in the fellowships of AA and Al-Anon to do my thinking and share their own experiences of what it use to be like, what happened and what it is like today with me so that I could come close to "getting it". The three choices of an alcoholic are, sobriety, insanity or death. I did insanity for a long time and almost died of alcohol overdoes three times and today I live in sobriety. The program restored and rebuilt my life. I had some losses and that was to be expected I learned later...We don't just drink a beer as alcoholics we continue an addiction.
Stick around and read the responses from the rest of the MIP fellowship and look in the white pages of your local telephone book for the AA central office in your area and call for a meeting schedule...go, get your chair, sit down, listen with and open mind and get a Big Book. Inside the front cover write the date you got it and got in and then make sure you get the schedule of meetings.
We will hang with you to share all that we have received for nothing in this fellowship.
