After hearing your opinions regarding e-sponsorship not being the same as the face to face kind I decided to take your advice and see if maybe I could reconnect with someone I already know and who I'm comfortable with and who I trust. She was a wonderful sponsor and did everything in her power to help me but, as I always do, I blew her off and went my merry way. Hopefully it isn't a bridge I've completely burned. She was tough but someone I admired and respected and hated to let down. I sent her an email so we'll see what happens.
That's a good start. The listening I mean. Don't you have a phone number?
It might show a little more willingness to call...Or better yet....Walk up to her after a meeting and explain to her where you're at and what you want....To be taken through the steps as they are laid out in the book. Then I'd suggest you forget everything you think you know about AA and check your ego at the door...This thing works BF...Just keep listening.
When the student is ready the teacher will appear.
Same sex sponsors around here are strongly discouraged. When I first came into the program, I remember being bummed out about this because I have always had a better rapport with men, I find women to be too emotional and the drama..wow. I had to stop going to women's meetings because someone would always be crying. I felt they dwelled way too much on the problem, not much talk of solutions. But, I did finally find a sponsor, someone about 25 yrs older then me, and she was tough. We were a good fit. Some of the things I had to talk about when I did the steps would not have been appropriate to talk with a man about. But hey, maybe it will work out for you BF, good luck.
-- Edited by chris on Monday 25th of November 2013 02:56:28 PM
Yes, I've had sponsees return after they went and tried experimenting with 'their way' of recovery ... it never bothered me as much as it did them ... admitting one needs help from someone else was never in my 'playbook' ... but finally I learned I had to surrender before it was too late ...
Good action to take on your part BF ... just don't let the boy/girl thing become an issue you later have to deal with ... if you know what I mean!!! ... Going through the steps can be extremely emotional at times, and consoling another person usually requires the touch of the hands and hugs ... there is a trap waiting to snag you if you're not on guard for such things ... 'proceed with caution' ... best of luck ...
God Bless,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I'm not worried about the boy girl thing. I don't think of her that way and she certainly doesn't think that way about me. Who knows, she may not be interested or able to take on a difficult project like me. Or maybe I burned that bridge by dicking her around (figuratively) before. All I know is that of any sponsor I had she was the one I felt the most in common with and the strongest connection to. The reason I emailed her is because it would be too forward in my opinion to just call after a year. It'd feel weird. Besides, it's in my nature to beat around the bush and not just come out and ask for what I want. Naturally I had to let on like I was just asking for advice about some aspect of recovery as an ice breaker. Why do I do sh**like that? Why can't I just be honest?
For us BF, ... honesty is something very foreign to us ... like with anything else, it takes practice ... while in early recovery, I found myself frequently not being quite honest with others ... I caught myself doing this often, as it was my way of life before the recovery program ... but at least I became aware of this and therefore could stop myself, say that's not quite right, correct my thoughts and my words, and go on ... my fellow alkies understood ...
Progress, not perfection comes to mind here ...
Hang in there with all the effort of a dying man holding on for dear life, and you'll do well ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Don't be ridiculous. I have no interest in cheating on the mother of my children. In fact I find the implication insulting. That's like saying there should be no interaction between opposite sex therapists, counselors, psychologists, etc. I can feel strongly about a female without feeling sexually attracted to her. I'm not some hormonal teenager. I understand that you mean well but it isn't anything to be concerned about. I have two gorgeous sisters inlaw who I love dearly but I've never thought of them in an inappropriate way. Regardless of how sick I am.
It's a good question DJ - "why can't I just be honest". That whole beating around the bush thing is just fear of rejection. When we act in ways that make us feel like crap about our selves, like lying; sneaking; stealing; basically anything that we feel like crap about, our self esteem, self worth and self respect go out the window. We have to drink because of this lack of respect for ourselves and all the drama and chaos we have no idea how to cope with in life it creates.
Once you begin living in a way that is treating you (and others as a result) in a loving way - you will have no fear of rejection anymore, and no need to lie and beat around the bush or act sneaky or whatever.
This is what is being talked about in the serenity prayer - the COURAGE - to change the things we can. Ourselves.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Don't be ridiculous. I have no interest in cheating on the mother of my children. In fact I find the implication insulting. That's like saying there should be no interaction between opposite sex therapists, counselors, psychologists, etc. I can feel strongly about a female without feeling sexually attracted to her. I'm not some hormonal teenager. I understand that you mean well but it isn't anything to be concerned about. I have two gorgeous sisters inlaw who I love dearly but I've never thought of them in an inappropriate way. Regardless of how sick I am.
BF, ... you did post this a short time ago, ... honestly, it sounded like you may have some issues in this area ... not judging, just saying the signals we're hearing are 'mixed' a little ... I think this was you:
I didn't realize how much I lied when drinking
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My mouth was never ending fountain "little white lies" about where I was going, what I was doing, who I was doing it with. I feel a lot of shame about it now but at the time it felt so normal. In my mind if want to go on a bender you concoct a story about a business trip and go stay in a seedy hotel for a few days. It's just what people do right? No...no it isn't what people do...not anyone who is well in the head. I looked at my loving trusting wife across the dinner table tonight and I felt like bursting into tears. That example is just one of my reoccurring special occasion lies. There were hundreds more just like it and thousands of the everyday run of the mill type lies. Sometimes I feel like the guilt is eating me up from the inside out.
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
