Very early on the question arose "Would you take one drink for one million dollars?". 

At that time, I said a quiet 'no'.  I had found something that no price tag could buy.  It was a miraculous day.  It was the day I was sure of what I wanted, what I desired, what I believed and my faith almost soared to the moon.

Since then, I've been brought down to Earth repeatedly.  Countless tragedies, setbacks and hardships - some mentioned here at MIP - others not. 

Some of these problems  would disappear so fast with one million dollars.  All I would have to do is take one drink.  I feel at this point I could easily take one drink and be okay.  If you want the honest truth in the matter - I'm sure it would take me a good while to get back to that desolate place.   I've been through this countless times.  I started trying to quit drinking many times over the decade I drank.  Many times I quit for a year or more - and when I went back to it, it always took a couple years for it to be an issue again.  So just one drink for a million dollars would be harmless right?




What I know today is - because of this program - THIS thinking  ^  is what I convince myself over and over and that will continue to be the case for me until my FATAL disease kills me.  My definition of my disease is "a mental obsession that allows me to believe my own lies".  So my sane thinking that has been granted to me by this program tells me that it's the first drink that kills.  I'm allergic to alcohol, and only an insane person would eat or drink something they knew they were so allergic to it could kill them.  I would NEVER EVER risk getting a bee sting if I had a fatal allergy for a million dollars!  I would carry an epi pen with me at all times.  As an alcoholic - I carry my HP and the principles of the 12 step program with me at all times.   

That means my life... my children's Mother - my husbands wife - my mother's daughter... is worth more than money can buy.  I'll take the hardships.  I'll do my life... however that looks - alcohol free - no matter what - because I'm WORTH it.. because they're worth it - because you are worth it.