This has been my sole response to anyone whose asked me how I'm doing at meetings for the past 2 days. I had intended it to be a smart-ass statement meant to show my displeasure at the presumption that I'm an idiot incapable of intelligent thought due to my alcoholism. Basically I wanted to rustle some people's jimmies. Much to my surprise the statement was met with cries of "Hallelujah!" And "It's about time!" and with hugs and pats in the back. Oldtimers who have always acted like they thought I was a complete turd were all smiles and friendliness. I give up trying to make sense of any of it all. I'm just gonna go along with whatever I'm asked to do. What have I got to lose? My way hasn't exactly been uber successful. So I guess I'll try your way. I'll be like George Constanza...if every instinct I have is wrong I will from now on do the opposite.
That is a good approach for now. That's all I wanted you to come up with. You are so bright about so many things. You don't need to fully understand or explain your disease. Just treat it. Keep us posted on your journey. Keep count them days. You can do this.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
No Butterfinger, the news is worse than that. Sometimes you are right. You just know when those times are ....
Each time you have an idea or thought you will have to share it with God, your sponsor and the oldtimers. They will help you separate the wheat from the chaff.
This is a full-time job filtering out the gobbledygook monkey chatter in our heads from the Word of God and good common sense.
The oldtimers think you have had an awakening and are coming around ... it does take a while.
The title of this post is exactly and almost word for word what I said out loud when asked for my opinion of what was going on and how do I handle it. This is a surrender statement and very opposite of my personal character. I knew when I heard myself say out loud, "I have no idea, don't know anything and my brain is fried" that I was done completely, empty, powerless over everything. It was then that I could understand the statement "If you keep an open mind, you will find help".
Hold the attitude and understand the fellowship's response to it for they also know what surrender sounds like and looks like and what the consequences are. In support anytime.
Some of the old timers thought highly of me also. They would say things like, "you talk too much" or "put a sock in it" just to name a few. Of course it made me feel a bit awkward, even somewhat humiliating, but to them it was a necessary tool to keep me on track. So the remarks kept coming.
After a couple of weeks of being told what 'not' to do, I snapped. After that, I could not get a word in edgewise. Of course, the comments kept coming, which I have to say made me feel a bit 'more' uncomfortable, if not stupid, but according to them it was well deserved. I guess they were right about one thing; my attitude needed improving, and they were never shy about telling me. Basically: I had become a grumpier version of my father, and of course that didn't sit well with others.
Most of the time I was a happy go lucky 38 year old, but on some rare occasions I found myself questioning everything or in this case everyone. After that it was open season on David. It took me awhile, but in the end I finally realized where they were coming from. I became utterly defiant, and from a recovery standpoint it doesn't solve anything.
So I had to bite my tongue, listen to what others had to say, and keep my so-called remarks to myself. But that didn't stop me from expressing how I truly felt. The thing was, I had to learn respect and this was my first real lesson in over 20 years. After a couple of months things started to even out. Then came the realization: I wasn't the same man two months earlier. I started to see the light at the end of that very long tunnel, and after that, things started to improve.
Now as far as those crude remarks are concerned, well , they were exactly what I needed to hear. I know, it seems like a hard pill to swallow, but believe me it keeps us on our toes. Then it dawned on me; the comments -that I once took exception too- were not mean't to embarrass me, not at all, but for them to get to know me. That way I could learn how to 'stay' sober without those annoying interruptions. I guess it was their way of showing me 'tough' love. Well guess what? It worked. I hope it works for you also. Onward...
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 24th of November 2013 02:58:48 PM
I give up trying to make sense of any of it all. I'm just gonna go along with whatever I'm asked to do. What have I got to lose? My way hasn't exactly been uber successful. So I guess I'll try your way.
I don't know know if you are being honest or not....But if you are....This is it in a nutshell...
Honesty....Openmindedness...Willingness....The big three. You got those.....You got this program.
check this out: you say this:
" My way hasn't exactly been uber successful."
which part of your way has been:
"intelligent thought."
didn't help ya before did it?
what yer doin is,IMO, surrendering. THATS why the oldtimers were happy!
they weren't acting like yer a complete turd( which by saying that makes me think yer brain is stuck in 4rd grade, but that's ok, theres a solution!). they were using the crowbar to try and pop yer head outta yer but.
heres part of my experience: my high intelligence needed a dictionary when I started reading the big book. I wasn't as smart as I thought I was. a legend in my own mind.
Butterfinger,
I think you do have an idea and you do know a lot. That's why you keep coming back to this board and looking for answers for the things you don't know about your addiction. I think you do have a deep desire to quit drinking.
Good for you!
This has been my sole response to anyone whose asked me how I'm doing at meetings for the past 2 days. I had intended it to be a smart-ass statement meant to show my displeasure at the presumption that I'm an idiot incapable of intelligent thought due to my alcoholism. Basically I wanted to rustle some people's jimmies. Much to my surprise the statement was met with cries of "Hallelujah!" And "It's about time!" and with hugs and pats in the back. Oldtimers who have always acted like they thought I was a complete turd were all smiles and friendliness. I give up trying to make sense of any of it all. I'm just gonna go along with whatever I'm asked to do. What have I got to lose? My way hasn't exactly been uber successful. So I guess I'll try your way. I'll be like George Constanza...if every instinct I have is wrong I will from now on do the opposite.
A big time 'CONGRATS' on this 'revelation' BF ... ... ... as was said before, IF this statement is made with 'total honesty' ... ... ...
My early experience was almost identical ... and I wanted to ruffle the feathers of the group ... I constantly threw out challenges on every level ... I hated being in the meetings, I hated learning the 'truth' about myself ... and when they told me my 'thinker' was broken, I shouted 'you have a sign up there on the wall that sez "Think, Think, Think" ... ... ... my sponsor said "that's for us!" ...
Then they proceeded to suggest to me what I should 'do' and 'not do' ... ... ... I said I don't know what to 'think' ... I cannot 'think' straight .... they said "THAT's IT, and DON'T YOU EVER FORGET IT" ... ... ... keep coming and you'll learn how to 'think', a new way of 'thinking' ... oh man, were they sooooo right ... don't know how exactly, but darn if it didn't work ... yes, a frick'n miracle, that was me ... and I'm grateful to be living that today, thank the Lord and you guys, my sponsor, and my group ... ... ...
God Bless,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
