So last night I had the most realistic dream I have ever had, and it was not about anything I have ever thought of doing. I killed myself. YIKES. I built a contraption that cut both my arms off at the wrists so blood would flow out of me and I would die.
Sorry to be gruesome. Anyways, i used the contraption, felt my body fall to the ground, and literally felt like I was going under anesthesia. I can still feel the feeling now when I think about it. I never remember dreams. Anyways, I woke myself up as I really felt like my mind was going dead very quickly. When I woke up I could feel my heart in a bit of pain, which quickly went away. It didn't scare me though for some reason that I had this dream.
I am at work and just "googled" killing yourself in a dream. One meaning of the two given was this...
" the dream suggests that you are saying good-bye to one aspect of yourself and hello to a whole new you. It is symbolic of a personal transformation or a new stage in your life."
So, spiritual awakening, I don't know, but it makes me get chills thinking about it. Thought I would share.. Anyone else have some crazy dreams in early sobriety?
Oh Lord, what a horrible thing to wake up to ... ... ...
I had 'drinking dreams' my first year, but nothing like what you described, wow ... and I like the one 'meaning' it could represent that you printed out ... actually, before I read that, my thought was the dream could be saying this is your LAST chance ... I have NO doubt that if I went back to drinking like I did, I probably wouldn't last more than a few months, if that long ...
my last time out, I lost all liver function and had started to turn yellow ... don't know how, other than by the grace of God, I ever made it through that one ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I use to do nothing but nightmares during my drinking years and well into my sober years. My last night mare was about 8 - 9 years ago and it was one of the most dramatic. My wife jumped out of bed cause my nightmares use to scare her silly and she then turned around and watch my prone body "leap into the air and land on the floor". I had been sober abou 25 - 26 years and still dealing with very aged PTSD syndrome. I had a nightmare where I was shot 9 times (felt every hit) and then was dying when I forced myself awake and was still dying...I was very cold of skin and my pulse rate was about 10BPM. I went on to learn that dreams are metaphoric and the way the subconscious expresses feelings and experiences and perceptions. The good dreams I've had in my life can be counted on both hands and I know they are the result of the program. Suicidal? yes and coming into recovery was my suicide and like your dreams and mind I learned that a successful suicide was actually not ending my life and ending how I lived my life...when I found recovery...sobriety and serenity I no longer considered ending my physical life and then had/have a live I wouldn't give up now for anything. Mahalo Akua (Thank you God)....
It is symbolic of a personal transformation or a new stage in your life."
So, spiritual awakening, I don't know, but it makes me get chills thinking about it. Thought I would share.. Anyone else have some crazy dreams in early sobriety?
Yeah...I had some pretty whack dreams in early sobriety...Never really checked into what they meant. I think it's pretty cool that yours is symbolic of a personal transformation...A new stage in your life. In chapter 10 To Employers...They mention...
To get over drinking will require a transformation of thought and attitude. We all had to place recovery above everything, for without recovery we would have lost both home and business.
pg 145
I would say it could be a spiritual experience....I've had many of them...But the only spiritual awakening I've had was like the one mentioned in step 12....
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps
I had to work the first 9 steps before God was doing for me what I couldn't do for myself...That's where I found that transformation of thought and attitude. And I did have to place my recovery above everything....And everyone.
