Hi all - I am poi and I'm an alcoholic. Took me awhile to get to that acceptance because my drinking pattern was not typical but I know that I never was just a social drinker.
I was just thinking about my days of drinking and I always had social anxiety. Sometimes when I drank my social anxiety actually increased, as I thought everyone was staring at me and wondering what was wrong with me and everything I said was dumb. This actually caused me to drink more in isolation, at home, hiding from others. Anyone have any similar experiences? Just curious. Most people drink because they have anxiety, which I did do, but sometimes drinking actually made it worse, which I think was unusual.
No..that is not unusual. I had that too at points. Also now working in treatment / rehab, the amounts of social anxiety and alcoholism I see coupled together are very high.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Wow! You sound just like me. I have heard other alcoholics bring up that they had social anxiety. It made me feel not so different. I too drank around people because I was scared of being "just me". In fact, the more I drank, the less "me" I became. And like you, eventually the drinking made me feel more anxious and want to get away from everyone instead of being the "life of the party" which I really thought I was when I drank (LOL). I eventually started staying in and isolating preferring only to be with myself...well, until I became sick of myself and I couldn't even stand to be with me. Oh, and the staring ---yep, been there done that and am working on myself and my paranoia. Not sure if you are still an active drinker or not from your post. I can say that the drinking made my anxiety much worse, and AA has helped tremendously.
I'd say that is a very common thing poi...I know it was for me...The more my alcoholism progressed...The more I drank alone...My anxiety was through the roof...I couldn't deal with anybody. I lived with a raging alcoholic at the end of my drinking and he used to give me shit for drinking alone in my room. I once heard that alcoholics are the only people that try to cure lonliness with isolation....It doesn't work. I was precsribed drugs for my anxiety...Problem was I couldn't stop drinking...So that made it worse.....
You know what worked for me poi? The 12 steps and the fellowship of AA....I needed a spritual solution and I needed to be around people....Seeking the same thing I was.....That solved my problem with anxiety...Alcohol and drug free. I spoke at an AA meeting in front of 150 people at 9 months sober....Last Thursday I spoke in front of 100 at 2 and a half years....I could have never even dreamed of doing that before. This AA stuff works.
Poi, I could have just wrote those words myself. You describe me very closely. If i were going out to be with friends and have a few, I would have had a pint of vodka before even meeting up with them.. to take the edge off my anxiety, but it never worked. I too, became an at home drinker never wanting to be around anyone. I am still a very anxious person and feel as though I am not saying the right things and feel dumb when speaking. FEAR. As I am reading the BB there is much to our illness associated to fear. Its my hope that working the steps and getting faith and my HP back in my life will lift this fear and in turn, release me from my anxiety.
Okay poi, ... here's my experience ... Early in my drinking days, alcohol would take 'the edge off' when I was in public ... but as I became more dependant on the alcohol, consuming larger quantities, the 'physical effects' became more prominent ... meaning, much higher 'heart rate' and much higher 'blood pressure' ... of course this equates to a much higher 'anxiety' level ...
It takes a while without the stuff for these effects to go away ... like being able to get a good night's rest, etc. ... ... ... the anxiety may take a little longer ... but it, too, will go away when we work the program ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
