I have some old contacts from prior jobs I had. One of my old colleagues who has progress into management talked about a position opening up with my old company that would be a clinical director position. In the process of trying to dial my friend, I accidentally butt dialed the boss I had 3 and a half years ago when I worked with juvenile delinquents. That boss and I had it out several times over the 3 plus years I worked there. I felt she wrote me up for bullshit. I wrote like a 12 page grievance letter on her.
Since then, that whole facility has closed down. I have some perspective on everything and I know that some of those problems I had were systematic and due to a trickle down effect of corruption from the top down (seriously guys it closed in a giant scandal that was in newspapers and all). The other thing is I GOT sober at that job so I set a tone with that boss to sort of treat me a certain way and THEN, I was still a whiney little beeyotch 2 years into sobriety even after that. So....I would get mad that I was working so hard for her, that she wasn't working that hard, and that she played favorites with these 2 girls at work (who incidentally did wind up both becoming directors for other facilities that this company runs).
So I left that job 3 years ago or so after a particularly bad screaming blow out argument with my boss where I was put on a suspension without pay. In that time, I found a much better job for me where I worked with foster children, got my license in my field and then progressed to working in an adult substance abuse rehab 3 months ago.
Back to present time: I butt dialed the boss that I had the screaming outburst with. I had so much resentement for her and she was still on my s##tlist 5 years into sobriety. I figured she was just a rotten person that I would always have negative feelings about. I immediately hung up when I realized I dialed the wrong number. She called back and figured out it was me and said on my voicemail to call her back because she missed me (it was up and down those 3 years) and was worried we left things on bad terms.
I thought about it and thought about it. Talked to my partner who actually told me not to call her cuz I had literal hate for her at one time. I prayed. I thought about literature. Basicallly what came into my head was "nothing happens in God's world by mistake." I also figured that there was bad blood and maybe it was time to own my side of the street on this after this much time has passed.
I called back. She is now clinical director of the rehab which is the largest and the one I have really wanted to work at for a long time. There was some discussion of our past problems in which I did own my part. 1. I was immature and handled resentments by gossiping then blowing up screaming after letting coworkers rile me up to do so. 2. I was in early sobriety and irritable much of the time. 3. I set the tone for how to treat me by being an actual drunk when I started there. 4. Some of our problems were probably due to organizational corruption also. In essence, I made ammends.
So anyhow, she asked about my current job, salary.... Long story short, I have a job interview in an hour. I don't need this job persay and I still have to process if I can really work for this woman. Cuz while I acknowledge some of the conflict was on my side of the street, some seriously was on hers too. I truly truly hated her for a period.
It was reward enough to just dump all those icky feelings and make that amends I never thought I would make cuz I thought I was justified in having them forever towards this woman. The higher paying job at a better facility....hmmm. We'll see. More will be revealed and I will have some thinking/praying to do.
So, what have I learned? If you stay sober long enough, the chance to make all amends will probably present themselves even ones you never thought would happen or even should happen. Staying sober has put me in so much of a better spot, I cannot even describe. Not every day is peachy but it's certainly interesting.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
So its the money? You did good...got sober...stayed on journey...stayed at your higher power's right hand...learned that you would not work within corruption...have grown in your profession...gotten other offers...made an amends when HP put it up in front of you. You know your part in it and have been working long and dilligently to make permanent positive changes. Do you have reasonable information and experience that she has also? Between HP's will and me...money isn't spoken of...just saying, just for me. I've had my professional counseling career jeapordized by a very high ranking program director and her lack of ethics and integrity with a willingness to jeapordize my profession with corruption and illegality and my response was to stay very very detached from her and the program...today I so free service to that program working with the families of the addicts and alcoholics and when I am asked with the program cliental themselves. Wish you the best.
It would be more money Jerry and at a larger place which is a stone's throw from my house. BUT - I'd have to watch myself and my boundaries with her to not replay things. She is still the same person. I'm different, but still vulnerable in some of the same ways. Ie - She is a lead by fear type and I am a people pleaser. That combo ends with me constantly trying to please someone unpleasable.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure - try to please everybody. --Herbert Bayard Swope
Principles are rules or codes of conduct we set for ourselves; like being honest, striving to be on time, and taking responsibility for bills and expenses. It is up to us to abide by these principles.
When we compromise a principle for someone else's benefit, we jeopardize the strength of that principle and its importance to us. If we want to be honest, then lying to cover up another's actions compromises that principle. If we want to be on time and someone makes demands that cause us to arrive late, we have compromised ourselves and let someone else's desire dominate.
We need to set certain standards for ourselves and abide by them, even if another person will not be pleased. To let principles trump over the demands and desires of another is a victory for our inner peace. If we are true to ourselves, we will learn we can count on ourselves no matter what.
Is anyone making demands upon my principles? Help me be true to myself and not make compromises I will regret.
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Brother please do keep that awareness and self knowledge up in front of PinkChip so that he can continue to be "An Instrument of God's peace". In the end or somewhere you will stand shoulder to shoulder with your HP in review of that part of the journey; best to be as satisfied with the consequences as your HP will be. For me...just for me...it will not ever again be because of the money, which use to be a higher power, a frame for my ego, a gateway to just go back out because as a measurement it justified I was "better than" and "didn't need" what I have now. I believe you have already visited some of the reasons this has happened for you. I'll listen more for your ESH with it; Lord knows I need to listen to lessons.
