That works for me Jerry. I'm all done with those intrusive thoughts now for about 3 yrs - even before sobering up. It really was about saying 'bless you and bu bye' to those thoughts that don't belong. I said 'f u' at first. I learned here to be more peaceful about it. Seems they've given up altogether now. There is hope for a peaceful nights sleep again :)
J - My PTSD was so bad for so many years it was not just eating me alive on the inside with night terrors - flash backs - panic attacks and the like - but it was also eating my flesh and I had psorisis all over my body. Fear and more fear of what else it could do like nothing I've ever experienced. The person I found headless on the waterbed was coming to get me all the time - and I let it. I thought it was literally going to eat me alive inside and out. Of course, at this time I had no name for it yet - just 'crazy'. When I went to the ER at 21 for a heart attack - they said I was just nervous and to calm down... nothing was wrong with me. No doctors or counselors ever said PTSD. Finally - AFTER THE FACT - I heard about it here in recovery and learned what I had for a decade! But by that time it was all gone and over because the alcohol couldn't saturate me enough anymore by year 9 and I had to find another way. No pills, no booze, no bogus therapy and counseling anymore - just me saying NO! You can't have me - on the old green couch on my front porch.
When I got here, I learned to be nice to myself about all the wasted time, and blaming all the incompetent doctors was stealing even more time from myself. The final lap for me was forgiving myself and the others for the lost time. Finding an outlet to bring hope to those still suffering has helped because I can tell you for a fact that 'It' can go away completely. Even the fear that if something else bad happens I will crumble into a zillion crazy pieces is gone... because really bad stuff has happened and I've only had to practice being human and allowing the stages of natural feeling and relating to the world take place. As long as I'm totally me and totally real I have the power and the choice to say "NO" to PTSD and not re traumatize myself with all sorts of useless therapies or pills or whatever. The disease of PTSD is in my head - yes I have the genes and they are ON - but I am NOT PTSD. I am Natasha. It can only be in you if you fear it.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Wednesday 13th of November 2013 01:39:23 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I am just wondering how long it was for you all before you were able to have a good nights sleep. My head races so much at night that I just lay there thinking and watching the clock.
Just wondering what your experiences were with a restful sleep once you started recovery?
I don't want to take prescription sleep aids, but Melatonin is just not cutting it. And as a good alcoholic would do, I double the dose to no avail...
I used to get up when I couldn't sleep and begin reading the Big Book.
I'm not sure if I was soon overcome by serenity or boredom but I got to sleep soon after.
Action is the answer, not pills.
Sometimes we have to sit in our s#!t for a while to learn the lesson. Lack of sleep won't kill you (that's what I was told in the recovery home in 1989)
As your thoughts & feelings come up turn them over to God. An oldtimer told me 20 yrs ago that to "keep an open mind" meant that when a stupid thought came in just let it roll right out the other side of your mind. Don't hold on to it.
When I began to help and care for the other newcomers I began to grow myself. When I am into me, thinking about ME the crap can really hit the fan.
Why don't you pray ... ask God if HE is sleeping al-right or are you keeping HIM up.
You will get through this, all the longtimers have. You are no different. Ask your sponsor and the oldtimers in your group what you should do .. and do it.
It has only been 24 days since I stopped the insanity of drinking. The first two weeks was hell. I did not sleep more then a couple of hours. I would get up and read or get on the computer. I am now sleeping better not great but better and I try to use the time that I'm awake to reflect on myself and I am even finding myself praying which is something I would never do before.
I'm feeling better these days. I'm happy and I feel a lightness which I've never felt before. I like that my mind is clear. I'm not kidding myself that I'm cured I know that I still have a very long journey down this road to sobriety but I find meetings, reading the book and this site are giving me strength to find a better way.
Good luck and please don't give up you are worth it.
Thanks 2GDs "Why don't you pray ... ask God if HE is sleeping al-right or are you keeping HIM up." That is a good thought because I know HP is invloved in this with me too.
d_willing I will use an OTC non-narcotic sleep aid that will keep me under better after I get under. I have PTSD and often the thoughts are random and intrusive...most of them are "defensive" in nature and therefore for me are about fear. False Evidence Appearing Real...my head only is scripting and my emotions and body are reacting to it. I work on the reality that there really isn't anything to be afraid of and I rescript to happier more positive thoughts. We are the programmers really and get to operate the "on, off" switch. I react to my thinking in opposition often telling my brain that my thoughts are ludicrous and I can stop or change them anytime I want. My counselor one told me that I was responsible for what I thought and after I got over the shock of that statement (didn't even believe it true) I went into practice...practice...practice. Keep coming back.
I still haven't had a full night's sleep. What does help me is drinking herbal tea--like chamomile--which helps some but I still wake up several times a night or at crazy hours like 4:30 a.m. and sometimes cannot go back to sleep. Guess it is just that way while our bodies heal some. We didn't get this way from one night of boozing.
Congratulations on your continued sobriety and you too, Marie!
Thank you all for sharing. I supposed its just part of the healing process, trying to fall asleep normally instead of passing out. On the bright side, when I have been drinking heavily I tend to snore quite bad, so just another bonus for my wife, I am sure she won't be missing that. And my 3 year old likes to get up at 5 so at least I am ready when she is.
I guess there are several bright sides I can focus on until it gets easier. I'll make sure to keep my BB on the night stand as well.
I am just wondering how long it was for you all before you were able to have a good nights sleep. My head races so much at night that I just lay there thinking and watching the clock.
Just wondering what your experiences were with a restful sleep once you started recovery?
I don't want to take prescription sleep aids, but Melatonin is just not cutting it. And as a good alcoholic would do, I double the dose to no avail...
Hi d__willing, ... ... ...
I have learned that the ability to get good sleep is dependent on the degree we have gotten to, in our drinking habit ... the more 'hard-core' we were with our drinking, the longer it takes to return to a good night's sleep ... the last time for me? ...it took about 2 months to finally get a good night's sleep ... but it does come ... and If I remember correctly, that was about the time that I really got 'into' prayer ... this was extremely 'comforting' for me ... and good sleep naturally followed this ...
(I had Trazodone ... but quickly stopped taking it because it made me feel a little drunk ... and I was trying to get rid of that feeling) ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Funny, I had the exact opposite experience. Drinking always made me sleep like absolute hell. Unless I was profoundly drunk, I would never sleep through the night. I ALWAYS woke up at 3 or 4 am, hating myself and experiencing deep regret. I think that the worst side-effect of alcohol for me has always been the anxiety. Drinking always made me feel like I was doing something really awful, and I was plagued by the guilt and shittiness for hours until the sun rose. Sleeping sober, on the other hand, is really peaceful for me. Its like my body and brain know that I am making a good decision and allow me to relax and enjoy the rest. Bodies are a funny thing :)
-Adam
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
