The Holidays

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

The Holidays

AdamMoz · Senior Member

Hey Everyone,

Happy Wednesday. I woke up this morning and started thinking a lot about the holidays and the association with drinking alcohol, all in the name of being "festive." I'm thinking also about the circumstance of being trapped in a space with a room full of relatives who are all themselves drinking and/or encouraging you to drink. When I'm on my home turf, I feel like it's not so much of a big deal because I can disappear into my kitchen and eat a candy bar if I'm feeling stressed. On another person's territory, however, it's very different. Not the end of the world by any means (so far I've survived two sober vacations with my in-laws), but just wondering what sorts of things folks do when stepping out of a highly alcoholic environment is more difficult than normal.

-Adam

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Hi Adam,

Good to hear from you. Early on I beefed up my meeting attendance and phone calls to my Sponsor. Also, around where I live there's Alcathons on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. 24 hour meetings. Just pop in listen and talk with others. Also, we have choices today. We are no longer prisoners to Alcoholism and the self centeredness we onced faced. We no longer have to people please. We put our own well-being first. What that means is, if we're uncomfortable or others around us are uncomfortable, we can leave any event and it will be okay. Sobriety today comes first. Also, you can take your own vehicle in case you need to leave early. Have a cell phone handy if you need to place a call. Eventually, with continued sobriety, this will become less of an issue.

Not sure where you are in The Steps, but I found this to be true upon completing The Steps:

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. Step 10- pg 84 & 85 of the BB.

chris · Senior Member

In my early sobriety, I wouldn't have gone to anything where there were people encouraging me to drink. My family have always been my biggest supporters, I couldn't even imagine one of them trying to get me to drink. They saw what I was like before I made it to AA. If it's something you absolutely have to do, then bring your own car, and when you feel uncomfortable, leave. You have to decide what is more important, your sobriety or pleasing your family.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

I ran across this somewhere....I also don't know whether you are living in the solution or not...I've had those 10th step promises materialize for me...It doesn't really bother me to be around it...Which is good...Because in my family I don't have a lot of choice in the matter... If you are still working toward the solution...And you want to be as safe as possible...Lot of good tips here. It's done for Thanksgiving but can be used for any Holiday...Stay safe, sane and sober friend.

http://www.cryingoutnow.com/2010/11/thanksgiving-survival-guide.html

davep12and12 · MIP Old Timer

1. If it's a genuinely unhealthy and risky environment, like a house full of practicing alcoholics who don't give a damn about the fact that you are trying to stay sober and who will be pressuring you to drink, feel free to make other plans and go somewhere else. If I were highly allergic to bees I wouldn't spend the day hanging out in a field full of bee hives. There is NOTHING to be gained by 'testing' our sobriety like that.

2. If it's really just a more typical holiday environment where there will be some drinking going on, and you're mostly just at risk of relapse by listening to your own alcoholism, it may be okay to attend but you can still make plans to get through it without drinking. Examples: Find out exactly where the nearest meetings will be and make sure you have transportation to get you away from the party and to the meeting. In fact, just have an 'escape plan' in general so you can leave any time you need to. If there are people there who WILL support your efforts to stay sober, before you arrive, make sure they are well aware that you are not drinking and that you do not want to be served any alcohol. Make arrangements ahead of time to call other sober people, ideally a sponsor, at specific times while you are there. Etc.