I haven't posted in a while but had an interesting circumstance take place this morning that I wanted to share.
Before I do, though, here is some brief background: I was born to a biological father who was an alcoholic. My mom left him when I was two years old and re-married a man who was not an alcoholic, and gave me a very stable childhood. I haven't seen my biological father since I was nine, and my memories of him are vague. My mom refuses to talk much about him because he caused her so much pain through the course of their relationship. Unfortunately, this means I don't know much about him.
This morning, I was on the phone with a relative who did know my biological father and we started talking about him. I told my relative that I don't remember much about him and that I often wish I did. My relative started laughing and said: "Well, you're nothing like him. He was a drunk!" Clearly, I've done a good job hiding it from certain people.
Anyway, he went on to tell me all about his personality and I was really struck by how much it sounded like mine. He talked about my father being sensitive and artistic, and a very nice person on the whole. Unfortunately, he also wanted to sit around in a drunken stupor constantly. My relative told me that he would start drinking the first moment possible and really wanted nothing more than to spend hours at the bar sitting in his intoxication. Hearing this made me think about all the times that I had wanted the same.
It was painful for me to think about my father potentially being so much like me because for most of my life I told that he was a bad guy by my mother. I was never told that he was a really nice person with a life-crushing illness. I was just told that he was an alcoholic "loser" who couldn't hold together a marriage or raise his children.
I don't have much more to write about this, but wanted to mention it because for some reason it made him - and alcoholism as a disease - a little bit more real today. If I am in fact like my father, I know that I would never "choose" alcohol over my family or health. Yet, as an alcoholic, I also understand the struggle inherent in trying to fight it. Regardless, it made me thankful to have reached out and connected with other people who have a shared affliction. Thank you all for being here.
-A
-- Edited by AdamMoz on Monday 11th of November 2013 03:55:59 PM
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
Yet, as an alcohol, I also understand the struggle inherent in trying to fight it.
I remember the first time I heard the phrase....Surrender to win. It didn't make any sense to me. Today I can see that's the only way to beat it. I was a lot like my old man too. You don't know where he is now? Mostly we're not bad people Adam....Usually pretty good and smart people...With a bad illness. Thank God there is a solution....Good to hear from you Adam...And great share.
Thanks, Stepchild. I need to constantly remind myself of that - the importance of surrender. As far as my father, I actually heard from a long-lost half-brother of mine a couple of years ago, who found me via Linkedin. I never responded because it's a mighty big can of worms to open, but theoretically I could reach out to him and see how he is doing so. The thought of that scares me, but part of me also thinks it could be healing. At the very least, it would be interesting! And yes, thank God there is a solution. I am grateful to live in a time where that is known and information is accessible.
Be well,
Adam
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
That's a tough one...Sending prayers that whatever course you take is the right one for you...I'm glad to see you are still with us. Don't be a stranger.
My dad was an alcoholic, too. That's what killed him. It took me a long time for me to stop thinking what a drunk he had become and realize I was just like him--a drunk.
Good morning AdamMoz, I feel really good that you heard those good things about your dad. And, that you could see yourself in him. Like all the rest of us, it sounds like he was probably a good man with a bad disease. That's me too. I was blessed to have gotten sober when my daughter was only 3 years old. She's 29 now. If not for A.A., all she would know about me is what a rotten worthless drunken loser I was. But, because of the Steps, we have a beautiful life of good memories together. When God changed my life, He changed hers as well. Blessings...Mike D.
I too, like Mike D, feel good that you learned that your dad wasn't a 'bad' person, but in fact, had a disease that he was unable to shake loose from ... maybe he still has time ... maybe you are the one that will teach him how ... If it were me, I'd pray that God take me today and use me as He sees fit ... and just maybe, you are his(your dad's) salvation from this deadly disease ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
