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mikef


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Hello and Welcome Chikky! Blessings of this day

Congratulations of 560 days,,awesome...

I can only share my personal ESH (experience,strength and HOPE)on this so here it .First for me,I found the 9th Chapter of the Big Book,Alcoholics Anonymous was a helpful guide The Family Afterwards.........Check it out and if you don't have a Book you can GOOGLE  www.aa.org/ and get a PDF copy...

As I was over 20 years into Recovery(a day at a time) WE found my son 17,was shooting dope..My recovery was shaken to its core,and for the next 7 years during his active using our life was complete torment.It was our profound faith that held us together.My son now 27 in his 4th year of recovery.God is great

The reason I bring this up in relation to your situation is this. You stated that you are living with your sister and she is helping you out and that is truly a blessing. In our family because of my more than 25 years of active addiction I had a backround in what that lifestyle brings not only to the addicted but everyone around.My wife had no experience except the end of my own run...Because our son lived in our house we had to set boundaries,limited but we had to be willing to act on them once put into place..There was a very thin line between helping and enabling,so much that I also became an active member of Nar-Anon(similar to Al-Anon) only more inclusive of all drugs,(alcohol is a drug)WE(I )knew that we could carry our message of recovery but we couldn't carry the addict,my son..As we expected,even through our prayers and tears,he violated our number 1 boundary,nodded out with set of works still hanging from his arm,his sister then 14 found him...WE cried as we put him on the street(then 18) 90 lbs.$150.00 a day jones and on deaths doorstep. He had to find his way.To this day we are still regaining our relationship,trust has to be earned and though we always had unconditional love for him ,we hated the disease.He has thanked us for putting him out ,letting him find his path,the hardest thing we ever did....

So I could only suggest,talking with you sister about your feelings,communication is a major part of relating.Even suggest if she would go to Al-Anon if she is not  understanding the whole picture of alcoholism and the alcoholic..(That may be a stretch,but can hurt)Like Stepchild stated our Solution is in the application of the STEPS in all areas of our lives worked with a Sponsor..WE know that even we we put the substance down the work begins to look inside ourselves and do the daily work.

Just as in our situation with our son,  he lived in our house and needed to conform to the boundaries we set.I understand how you may feel even with a year and a half time free from active use, that why doesn't she believe im not using(drinking) and on top of me etc.I have found ,as hard as it is,to say whats on our minds,to alleviate any resentments(our real killer and sliding board to active using again)Expressing that things said may not be helping your recovery process and bringing into the open your true feelings within reason may help you and your sister..Again this is my stuff and as all of our program suggestive in its approach.There are many who will never really understand our situation and our actions and change is what projects to others.For me,prayer,a constant relationship with my Higher Power and application of our Solution into all areas of my life helped me move forward a day at a time for almost 3 decades now...I still stumble and fall,but I pick myself up,seek to find a learning lesson if there is one and work to be as honest open minded and willing that I can be. With the God of my understanding all this has become possible for an ole hard head..Bottom line 'JUST DON'T PICK UP as long as remain free from active using More is always revealed..In support and prayer ,,Hope to hear more from you. Control is overrated,,,STEP 3 ....We made a decision to turn our will and our lives(all of our lives as brothers,sisters,parents,employees,employers,friends,husbands,wives,,etc)over to the CARE of God as we understood Him(God)A daily Mantra that really brings us the peace and grace through our Higher Power...smilesmilesmile    

Alcoholics Anonymous : 

www.aa.org/
 
 


-- Edited by mikef on Monday 11th of November 2013 11:01:47 AM

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Chikky


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I  have been clean and sober for 560 days.  Someone made a comment to me on Saturday, that we need to stop at a medical center to check my blood alcohol level.  Then all day they kept dredging up what I have done in the past.  I felt it was in a condescending way. This person (my sister) I owe my life to right now.  She is providing me with a roof over my head and 3 meals a day until I can get back on my feet for which I am grateful.  This situation has been going on 4 months right now.  So far, I have been trying to let the comments roll off my back and I have managed to bite my tongue and not say anything. I have just been praying a lot more and attending more meetings.  My question: Why is this bothering me?  Right now I feel like I have no control over my life (if I ever did), and must let things happen.  This post is probably not making any sense.



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Stepchild


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I have a question for you Chikky...Have you worked the steps? The reason I ask...Is in the directions for the fourth step...They talk about self-reliance...We need to face those things we've done in the past...And set them right....See that our relationship with God as you understand God is right...To do this we need to face and clear the wreckage of our past. The steps are the solution to our problem.

We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.
 
Perhaps there is a better way - we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.



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Stepchild


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And congrats on 560 days.

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betterthanyesterday52


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Congratulations on 560 days! Good luck with your situation and prayers are good, as I am learning.
Thanks for your posting, stepchild. I haven't worked that step about self reliance myself, but being dependent on someone else for so long and needing to be more self-reliant myself I appreciate your posting.

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tomsteve


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im with stepchild.
IMO, it reads like there has been no footwork on the program.
think about it: 560 days and shes providing a roof over yer head and 3 meals/day. theres probably a chance shes not seeing any change.
what are you doin to get back on your feet?
do you have a sponsor? any footwork on the steps?
nothing changes if nothing changes.

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tomsteve


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might be time to stop countin days,too. we only have today.

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Philipld


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I have a lady friend that's always on my ass about the doctor.....going to meetings....talking with my sponsor ...and bringing up the past shit..

The best reaction? is no reaction :)

Cause yu know what?

Being around me for 8 years?

Kinda loosened a few of her screws also...

Don't tell her I said that hahaha

 



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betterthanyesterday52


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"Being around me for 8 years?

Kinda loosened a few of her screws also...

Don't tell her I said that hahaha"

.....too funny, Philipld


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Jerry F


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The person who is providing you shelter and food is asking for a blood screen because she probably doesn't believe you have daily sobriety.  She got the idea from someone else who might have been thru the same thing also.  Alcohol usually will disappear within hourse of a last drink and some other drugs much longer.  She might be looking at the who picture...what's she doing and not and what you're doing and not and making sure she is making the right decision and not enabling you where you can be responsible to yourself.  Been there and done that and I'll be about every one else here has dabbled to more than dabbled in being enabled.  I use to piss test and blood test my clients and their parents (sometimes) when working in the rehab industry...it isn't fool proof because alcoholics and addicts often aren't fools and have a high sense of survivorship.  Sounds like a trust issue.   smile



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2granddaughters


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What does your sponsor say about your situation?

If I read your profile correctly you are 62 yrs old. I will be 70 next birthday. ( I've been clean/dry since 1989. I am always dry .. sometimes sober )

I often think to myself "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I think I'd better get working on it because time "may" be starting to run out ...........

I think your sister feels you are a loose cannon and she just wants to make sure the cannon isn't "loaded".

Are you a loose cannon or born again in the fellowship of AA ? Are you working the program or riding the gravy train?

All the best.

bob R

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Pythonpappy


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Chikky wrote:

I  have been clean and sober for 560 days.  Someone made a comment to me on Saturday, that we need to stop at a medical center to check my blood alcohol level.  Then all day they kept dredging up what I have done in the past.  I felt it was in a condescending way. This person (my sister) I owe my life to right now.  She is providing me with a roof over my head and 3 meals a day until I can get back on my feet for which I am grateful.  This situation has been going on 4 months right now.  So far, I have been trying to let the comments roll off my back and I have managed to bite my tongue and not say anything. I have just been praying a lot more and attending more meetings.  My question: Why is this bothering me?  Right now I feel like I have no control over my life (if I ever did), and must let things happen.  This post is probably not making any sense.

 Congrats on your sober time ... has to be better than if you were still deep in your addiction ... I find that years after being in the program, I still occasionally encounter someone with the attitude that makes me feel bad for the past ... but you know?, it's just that, the past ... I have moved forward and they are stuck in their own mental cage ... we can see past the old way and live in the new one ... others have their own journey to travel so don't let them drag you back to a place you wish to keep behind you ...



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betterthanyesterday52


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"Congrats on your sober time ... has to be better than if you were still deep in your addiction ... I find that years after being in the program, I still occasionally encounter someone with the attitude that makes me feel bad for the past ... but you know?, it's just that, the past ... I have moved forward and they are stuck in their own mental cage ... we can see past the old way and live in the new one ... others have their own journey to travel so don't let them drag you back to a place you wish to keep behind you ..."

----
Amen to that & Great post, Pappy!!!

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