See? now... all of a sudden it hit me. I want to get drunk. I mean really schockered. I want the oblivion that comes from drinking enough to escape the present moment. I have H.A.L.T. I thought I was dealing with this hard day okay.... but... it is a day where kind of everything is going wrong... I am angry, grrrr. I am tired and feel like I just can't take any more. I am lonely in the sense that I need HELP!
So I'm sitting here,, after going out for a brisk walk. I'm sitting here not drinking. Sitting on my hands until either it just passes or I think of something better to do.
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
thank you, Phil. This is one of the times when I take it moment by moment. Thing is.. even if I make it through today ,,,,, if I don't deal with this it will still be here tomorrow.
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Poor lady, sounds like you are really uncomfortable, with real good Reason!
I have had only one Major Compulsion to drink, when the first iraqi war broke out and I was in my second year, it was, I remember a really bad compulsion to drink, I had listen to these "Draft" counselors in this big auditorium telling us (about 500 parents) to make sure we had plans to get our children out of the country, because they were saying in loud speakers, that the draft was imminent, and they could take our children, my children were 18 and 19 years old, without any warning.
I got so friggen scared, that when I was driving home, it took everything in me not to stop and get a bottle of brandy to ease the tension inside me. I just remember in my head, I kept sending this "mayday, mayday" up to my Higher Power, Help, Please Help Me!!!!
And I got home in one piece without any bottle of brandy, but it was a doozy of a Compulsion, and it turned into one of the greatest triumphs for, (I was going to say for me,) but the triumph was God's trophy, not mine.
So my sister, all I can tell you is the "Mayday, Mayday" worked for me, it was like I was silently shouting up to My Higher Power for Help, because someone with my background, that could never and I mean NEVER go thru that strong kind of compulsion without getting something and going into Oblivion, you know the rest of the story.
I don't know if this can help, but the "I can't, He can, and I let Him" works.
you are in my thoughts and prayers right now and will stay there until I hear you are over this.
When I think about the fact that I do not get drunk, and pass out twice a day, which was my habitual pattern in the last years of my drinking career, I really have Never given myself any credit at all, It was God, that turned my life around, I was a hopeless drunk.
Going to a meeting and talking about wanting to drink, can take the Power out of it too. Can you go to a meeting, maybe two meetings.?? Can you go and hangout with some Recovering alcoholic?
Keep talking about, and talking about it, and talking about it private message me or anyone else you know,
Love you Amanda and you are one of the Best in my Book, So God bless, and Please God help Amanda right now, P L E A S E !!!!.
Love, your sister in Recovery, Toni
Let us know how you are doing later, o.k.?
We all love you, hope you know that, and as far as you anger, try beating the crap out of a pillow or something. that might help!
AND REMEMBER this is a WE Program, you don't have to do it alone!!
okay... here is what it is about... grrrrr... way back in October.. when it rained for a week here,, my bedroom ceiling fell in.. well,, that in itself was neglect by the landlord, cuz I told them again and agin that the roof leaked.... okay.. well.. how long has it been now? and it is still not done!!!!! The landlord had a maintenance man come a couple of times but they made a worse mess.. bringing dirty trash cans in to put the fallen plaster in... grrrrr.... and then they didn't get to actually put sheet rock up on the ceiling till 2 weeks ago!!! grrrrrr..... but now... the room is still not completely painted,,, and the floor!! The floor is a wreck!!!! and the landlord gave me a lot of bs about it and is not going to do the floor!!! GRRRRRR!!!!!! So,,,, I am having to do a lot of this myself! and the thing is that I have an old shoulder injury and can't do repeated motions like it takes to paint..... owwwwww!!! it pinches the nerve and my arm goes numb. WAAAAHHHHH!!!! I can't use that room,,, and my stuff is all over my apartment!!!!
well... I could go on but basically... I have to just do this little by little til it is done
and there are other things in my life going on that add to the stress.
owww... my shoulder hurts. enough for now I'm going to,,, to,,, I don't know
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
hmmm-Im can identify with you..I cant move my right arm..because its screwed up....cant move my head to the right..Ive got the flue and a cold and am sicker than a dog...
But Ive got an arm left here,..and Ile loan it to yu.:)
Time to breath.....and climb in a bubble bath...and no..My door doesnt swing both ways.:)
It just feels good !!
You are not alone!!! (smile)
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
My first sponsor (who resembled Peter Falk in Columbo) told me to try a bubble bath one time when I called him and was freaking out. I wanted to slam him.
But you know what? He was right! This too shall pass.
Amanda,I'm glad you made it through this tonight, without a drink. Good for you for posting, venting, letting it all out. This is a we program and it is good to see all the responses you got. I was sitting in the Dr. office and waiting room at the hospital,my Mom had to have an x-ray on her foot and lab work done...this took a total of 6 hours.Today was a very busy day for the people in x-ray, 5 people ahead of us.One good thing, the Dr. went ahead and gave me more antibiotics, without a office visit charge.
There are days I wonder where I would be without all of you.There are so many days I have felt like drinking...but always something on the board that got me through the urge. I wish we could all come help you with the painting and the floor...my right arm isn't any good either, carpral tunnel, arthritis, raynauds...do you have that landlords number? Maybe we could all give him a call, hmmmm, I know not a good idea. Just a thought ...May tomorrow be a better day!
well, it's midnight and I woke up,,, my hand is kind of numb,,,,,, the problem is still here. *takes a deep breath* I got a couple of gems from alll your ideas,,,, plus the cosmic love.
I'm going to remember to send up signals to my Higher Power - MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
and my landlord's number is *** - *** - ****
I wish y'all could come and paint too!
oops, I spilled some
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
but basically... I have to just do this little by little til it is done 
I'm going to,,, to,,, I don't know
oops, I spilled some