Recovery is...I've detached from my son's relapse and from my nephew's and have nodded my head to "we admitted we were powerless...." and turned myself and my will and my own recovery status over to the care of God as I understand God and I've been tweaking my hope engine so that it runs smoothly and carries me most effeciently from concern to gratitude and while that starts to work for me this morning at my home group a new comer guy comes in and sit downs and I ask him "new comer"? and he nods...get his name and then nod.  And then I sit and we start the group and since this is the last weekend of the month we go around the room give first names only and the length of our sober journeys and continue on with the meeting.  Well as it goes two of the new guys have the same name as my eldest son and another newbie looks more than fairly like my nephew.  I want to laugh and understand again It's a God thing...only a God thing and my HP "God as I understand God" can home for he people I hope for and don't actually get to pick the body.  Thats how it happens right?  I wanted to look around to see if there happened to be one more of them and that he would fulfill my hope and then turned around and turned it over again. These guys were there under the combined will of their higher power and themselves.   My son isn't there yet and neither is my nephew back o letting it go again...load gets lighter...Back to keeping my side of the street clean.    (((hugs))) 

Good Morning, Jerry....
I know it breaks your heart about your son and nephew. You have shown that staying sober can be done, and by being an inspiration to them, hopefully one day they will choose to take the same path you have taken.

Hi guys:  Seeing our loved ones having difficulty in sobriety is always troubling.  It's no fun to watch.  I can relate.  Reading the recent posts about the fact of relapses in A.A. brings me back to my own early days of sobriety when I was first attending meetings and desperation was the biggest driving force in my life.  (It was the same feeling I had when I was once saved from drowning in a farm pond as a young boy.)  I had just been released from my second rehab, where I saw nothing but failure, sad stories, and lame ass excuses.  What shocked me about rehab is that I met people there who had been in rehabs anywhere from 10 to 27 times.  That scared the crap out of me.  So, when I first arrived in A.A., I remember sitting at the tables and hanging on to every word that was said like my life depended on it.  Desperation is a wonderful thing.  It has a way of making you shut the hell up and pay attention.

After a few weeks of going to one or two meetings every day, I soon became keenly aware that every meeting I attended consisted of two very different kinds of A.A. members.  There were the one's who had been going to A.A. for quite a few years, but they were continuously relapsing and always miserable.  But, then there were the one's who had been going to A.A. for many years and were continuously staying sober.  These folks were always happy.  I was really puzzled and disturbed by the fact that there were so many relapses.  I thought it was some sort of "A.A. mystery".  So, I listened very carefully to what everyone had to say around the tables.  I listened to both of these different types of people when they spoke.  And what I heard amounted to this:

The one's who always relapsed were not taking any action in the Steps.  They were only in "The A.A. Fellowship".  They were trying to stay sober by the "Just don't drink, and go to meetings" plan.  But, the one's who stayed sober were absolutely working the 12 Steps.....and had been doing that all along.  These folks were working "The A.A. Program".  I quickly discovered the difference between the A.A. Fellowship, and the A.A. Program.  It was no mystery.  You didn't need a PH.D to figure this shit out!

This told me exactly what I needed to do.  And, as a sponsor helped me work the Steps, my fear and desperation was replaced with faith.

Here's the deal as I've experienced it in A.A.:  Relapse may be a fact of A.A. life, but it doesn't have to be.  Continuous sobriety does not depend on what you think, or what you feel, or how many tragic things have happened to you in your life.  Sobriety depends entirely on what you do.  Nothing else.  It depends solely on whether you take the actions of the 12 Steps, or not.  The 12 Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous has a 100% success rate for one reason:  Because working the Steps causes a spiritual awakening.  But, the A.A. Fellowship will always fail because it was never designed to keep anyone sober.  That's because the Fellowship does not cause a spiritual awakening.  The Fellowship was only designed to introduce new members to the solution in the Steps.

Every where I go today, I still see these same two groups of people in A.A. meetings.  I still see the one's who stay sick, drunk and miserable.  And, I see the one's who stay sober, free and happy.  That will never change.  And, it will never change because sobriety is a choice -- not a destiny.  We all make our choices.  I made my choice back in 1988, and I'm glad I got just desperate enough to take the actions I took.  Those who stayed sober taught me to take action.  But, those who constantly relapsed were really my greatest teachers.  Sincerely, Mike D.

Take care Jerry. You are in my thoughts.