Prayer. Al Anon for him and other family members as Alcoholism is a family disease.

It's important your hubby "get involved" in your recovery, try to understand your disease to the best of his ability and support you thru recovery.  He needs to know that drinking was just a symptom of the underlying problems and it will take much time and hard work for you to get thru.

I too was super woman, did everything for everyone, I realize now it was in hopes that if I did it all no one would notice my drinking...... 

Try to remember it will take some time to earn his trust / respect back as we have let them  down so many times it's hard for them to believe it won't happen again.  

You're in my prayers.

Doll

Hi Michelle,

I have been there. There is no perfect way to handle any situation. We are dealing with a "cunning, baffelling, and powerful" disease. Although I have felt like I was doing a great program, family members still were recoiling form my past behaviour. I looked to them for trust and acceptance. I looked to them for understanding. I looked and looked for them to help me in everyway. This was the real problem. I looked for others to heal me...It just doesn't happen that way.

The answers are in the steps. As I worked through the program I found "my part." I learned that I had to forgive myself. I had to find a Higher Power to turn all problems over. I could not do this alone...Self knowledge and self will kept me in the thinking that caused me to drink. I found that the bottle was but a symbol of much deeper issues. It really was all about me...

Through meetings, the literature, and a sponsor, I began to find a better way. There is a better way. It is up to me to admit my shortcomings. I can only heal me. "What other people think of me, is none of my business." The answers are indeed in the steps. It shall take only one day at a time for the rest of my life.

Blessings, JV.

It might help to realize you have 2 separate issues at hand.

#1 You say your husband is being a jerk.

#2 You say you have the urge to drink.

If you can look at the 2 issues individually then, you may be able to come up with a solution to at least one of your delimas.

For me if I drank because my sig. other treated me bad, the situation would probably get worse.

If I decide not to own someone elses' junk and don't drink then I won't have pain, guilt, and remorse the next morning.

Congratulations on your 1 month. Take it easy, don't drink, read the Big Book, work the steps with your sponsor, keep coming back, and one day you will see a huge change in yourself and your surrondings.

I personally can't stand lazy PEOPLE. However, I will a)tolerate them and own my part or b) remove them from my life and still own my part, while c)continueing to work the program. It's not worth creating another resentment over. If I don't do my best to work the ALL of the Steps, I might as well head on to the local bar right now.

Thanks all for the interesting comments!  I guess the main issue I was trying to address was: Is there a right way to tell someone they're too negative and possibly depressed without them getting too offended?  Life would just be easier with a happy guy in the basement.  Mostly we just try to avoid him, but can't keep that up forever! 

As far as getting the urge to drink when I'm under too much pressure to can't sleep, I do have a list of things to do to busy my mind and hands.  Exercise, drink tea, clean house, journal, write (I'm writing a couple of books), study (religions, trying to find my place), and look for a different job.  And I work full time, with a half hour walk there and back every day. Plenty of stuff to keep me out of trouble! 

Have a good week everyone!

 I feel there is no "right" way to approach a depressed (and depressing) person about them changing their attitude.  I know, I am around a number of similar people who can get me down so I feel like drinking-and in the past, I did if they got too negative. I guess what i'd suggest (and it's not likely to go over well, at least in my experience) is to ask your husband if he'd see a counselor about his depression-or just take some self-test and see if he IS depressed.  Maybe if he realizes he has depression he'll want to do something about it. But there is probably a greater chance you'll make him angry if you imply he needs counseling. And he'll likely blame you for his feelings, unless he is ready to be honest and consider getting help.

   But you could maybe say something like "Please at least think about seeing a counselor, going to Al-Anon, or finding some other way to be less negative.  I am triyng to do something good for myself, and you as well, and it is not easy.  I need positive people right now, I cannot afford to get too down.  If I could admit I needed help and I got it, can't you at least consider help for yourself if you cannot rise above this negativity? I am sorry if I add to your bad mood, but if you cannot escape it on your own, you probably do need to see someone. I swallowed some pride so I could better myself, perhaps you can do so? It is not being weak to seek help. If you have depression, it is serious-please get any help you need, for your sake as well as mine."

  Mind you, I have never used a dialogue like that on the people in my life who get me down with their negativity-but I wish I had!  I am still new at being sober myself-and I am actually in a very similar situation to you, I've recently graduated from outpatient rehab, will be seeing a counselor and going to weekly aftercare, and attending AA.  I last had alcohol on New Years Eve, but have felt like drinking since then when certain people around me get negative, angry, and unreasonable.  I am trying to change my own negative attitude, and that is not easy, either-but I must do it or I know I'll be drinking again, probably worse than ever.

  Since you've been through so much, please don't be a martyr and let your husband jeapordize your sobriety.  Yes, you have plenty to keep you busy-but do not let his negativity infect you.  I know negativity and depression seems to be contageous-my friends and I each get that way and the bad feelings spread and grow until somebody finally explodes in anger. One of my friends has been seeing a counselor, the other won't consider it because it appears not to work in the one who does go and is on antidepressants. I can't afford to get caught up in the circle of negativity any more, and I try to let off steam by writing or doing other things when I feel stressed by it. I do feel my own emotions getting messed up by negative ideas, but I try hard not to respond and feed the fire. If my friends insist on being down and angry, I will have to find a way to avoid them or ignore them.  I have a serious disease and I do not want to get depressed myself, because that is one of the reasons I drank. Be sure your activities keep you from picking up his negative attitude.  And do keep your distance.

  I do hope he will either find a way to rise above the depression, or will seek help.  It must hurt you to know he feels bad, but you do have your own concerns, and they are your top priority.  You've spent too much time trying to help yoruself to let his attitude ruin it all. Please pray for him, if nothing else-maybe God will find a solution for him, send some peace of mind.

   I'll pray for you both, that your recovery will go well and your husband will become more upbeat and fun.  I am sure it isn't easy to be in his shoes, but if he does go to Al-anon, maybe he'll understand what you are going through and why he feels down about it.  I just feel some action by him is needed, since you can't change him any more than he could change you. He needs to be responsible for his negativity and accept help if he needs it.

  My best to both of you-and I do understand this problem! It really does sound like what i go through...and my old response was NOT a good one! I hope I'll take my own advice next time it happens, and tell my friends I can't afford their attitudes and would they please tone it down or get help- because I too have tried to change myself and it has been hard. To end up relapsing would certainly add to my own negativity and depression, and start that additcion cycle right up again. 

   Does this help any, or just sound negative? Sorry if it makes it more confusing! But take care of yourself, guess that's my biggest point.