I went to my second meeting last night. It was a meeting where someone talks about their experience and what brought them to AA. The gentlemen that spoke has been sober for 17 years. He was funny and I enjoyed listening to him.
This meeting was much larger then my first. So I kept quiet and listened. People where so supportive what a great group of people recovering alcoholics are. Who knew.......
Why had I not made this effort before now......I guess I had to really hit rock bottom........My biggest fear of going into an AA meeting was that someone would know who I was.....I have a job that I should be setting a good example not being a bad example and I thought I had hidden my drinking so well from everyone......I guess I was fooling myself. Anyway my first meeting there was not one person I knew but last night I walked in there was someone I had worked with. I almost turned around and walked out but then I thought if she is here then she is dealing with the same problem I am so I went in. Happy I did.
When I got home from the meeting I was exhausted it was an emotional day I thought finally I will sleep. I woke up at 2:00am with the shakes and such a craving and emptyness. I wanted that drink to get back to sleep. This is harder than I thought but I prayed to my Mom because I'm still having God issues. I did make it through the night. Not a drink in 4 days going on 5.
Up at 5:30am to make it to the 6:30am meeting. Mostly men with years of sobriety among them and one women as well. I like this group they have so much knowledge. I am the misfit in the group the newbie everything is so new I don't understand a lot just yet. I pray I can make it through the weekend. Getting some support from my husband but he is a drinker that does not feel he has a problem so not sure how long we can last like this. I will take care of me. That is what matters now. My daughter, son and sister are my cheerleaders and realize my marriage might not make it. I will live one way or another.
Thanks all I just needed to share my feelings. Writing them down helps even if not one person sees it.
I see it...And I love it. You have the right attitude....Don't worry about the God issues...Keep praying...Answers will come...That's what those steps are for...Hey...It brought you to AA and here didn't it?....Sounds like it's already working!
Great share Marie, ... You're description of your AA meeting experience brings back a lot of memories for me ... I think most all of us have experienced those same feelings at the beginning ... after a while, it didn't bother me 'who' I might run into at a meeting, like you said, the only reason to be there is if one thinks they may have a problem with alcohol ...
The Anonymity of the program helped me a lot too ... though there will be some that are prone to gossip, it never bothered me ... 'cause we're taught here that what others think of us is none of our business nor concern ... and this is so true ... ... ...
You may hear that it's a good idea to get a year of sobriety under your belt before tackling any 'relationship' problems, or before getting into a new relationship, ... those words hold to be very true ... I have known some in your position to take a year hiatus from their spouse just to get 'themselves' straightened out ... THEN, if the love was meant to be, it'll be there for you when you decide to renew the relationship ... Praying helps in ways I cannot describe too well ... ... ... it just works !!!
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hi debird! Thanks for writing again. I really appreciated it! I want you to know that we do understand what you're going through because we all had those same thoughts and concerns at the beginning of our recoveries. So maybe I can offer a few words of encouragement.
You mentioned being concerned about setting a good example. But the truth is that this is exactly what you are doing. You are taking care of yourself and taking steps to recover from a serious condition. It's the best possible course of action for people in our situation, and it's nothing that you need to apologize for at all. Keep up the great work! I had the same concerns about 'people might recognize me' when I first went to meetings, but just as you mentioned, when I DID recognize old friends in the crowd at the meeting it actually felt kind of reassuring.
And I'm sorry to hear about the discomfort at 2AM, but I can assure you this WILL pass. I can't give an exact date, but some time soon you will have the same realization that we all have had - you will realize that you're not craving a drink, you can't even exactly remember when was the last time you did, and you don't feel like you're missing anything. So hang in there because you don't want to miss that. It's a wonderful feeling. When I reached that point, I went through a new phase of crying for a while, but they were tears of gratitude and joy.
Come back again and tell us how day three went! We're cheering for ya!
Hi Marie, Your new experiences with meetings sound very much like mine when I was brand new. The older people there seemed to have so much gentle strength, and I always walked out feeling strengthened. Yet, I knew I was getting something else from them that I was unable to identify. I made sure to go every day because I loved being around them, and receiving whatever it was they were giving me. After I had finally gotten through the Steps, I recognized what it was. It was love. There is also a lot of that to be found here as well. These folks are great people! Blessings, Mike D.
Hi Marie, Your new experiences with meetings sound very much like mine when I was brand new. The older people there seemed to have so much gentle strength, and I always walked out feeling strengthened. Yet, I knew I was getting something else from them that I was unable to identify. I made sure to go every day because I loved being around them, and receiving whatever it was they were giving me. After I had finally gotten through the Steps, I recognized what it was. It was love. There is also a lot of that to be found here as well. These folks are great people! Blessings, Mike D.
Love, ... That is just another name that God goes by !!!
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
