For my money, one of the dumbest things you can say to a real alcoholic is "just don't drink". I can't find it any where in our basic text though Carl Jung does tell Rowland Hazard that his only chance of surviving the illness is to place himself under lock and key or hire body guards to enforce "just don't drink". Just don't drink is the one thing the real alcoholic can't do.We can't do it on our own power, neither can we do it with expert assistance, we are beyond human aid.
Maybe this is why our third tradition is about a desire to stop. All references in the book are about wanting stop, trying to stop, being unable to stop. And about lack of power, we have lost the power of choice in drink. The only assumption in the book is that the reader desires to stop.
So what is our solution? A way of life, that we learn and grow into through the 12 steps, that is so full and satisfying on every level of our existence that we find ourselves in the miraculous position that we no longer need or want to drink.
Step twelve does not say "Having stopped drinking as the result of these steps." It says in effect (if you take into account appendix II and the doctor's opinion" Having had a complete change of personanlity, a total psychic change, as the result of working these steps, we are able to live happily and effectively in this world, to experience the joy of loving and helping others, to have peace, serenity, and faith, and we willingly try to carry this message to other alcoholics who still suffer. And BTW, the drink problem seems to have gone!
So for the still suffering alcoholic who can't not drink, rather than spend time trying to do the impossible - get up some dry time so he can understand and will be ready to take the steps, why not try, on a daily basis, to develop the AA way of life. You are going to need a sponsor, possibly you might need medical assistance in the first few days, and there will be some work involved, but it is so much easier than trying to "just don't drink".
People on this board told me that - reminded me often because I couldn't bring that memory to the surface on my own - and it helped me. I think it went "don't drink unless your ass falls off" or something - and coupled with my continued work - that little saying bought me a minutes time - then an hour and a day and so forth. It worked for me.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Before I had the solution....I had to do anything I could to not drink....I mostly prayed....And kept myself busy with step work...Meetings and more meetings. It's a lot easier having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps...I couldn't have made it any other way. Faith without works is dead.
"just don't drink" and "put the plug in the jug" were 2 saying that pissed me right off in early recovery.
"well, no shit, but how in the hell do I do that???"
just had to follow a few simple suggestions.
an interesting conundrum. you can't work the program and find a higher power while drunk/drinking. I think what the OP is saying is that it takes much more than "Just don't drink". I too, had to white knuckle it, "fake it till I make it", and just don't drink, no matter what. Stopping drinking is certainly the prerequisite for learning how to stay sober, but it's tough to do for us daily drinking alcoholics.
It's an interesting observation, FS, all things considered -even though I agree with you for the most part. When it comes to sobriety, however, the big book and the 12&12 make one thing very clear: There's no path of least resistance.
I believe the 12&12 would sum it up this way: "The fact is most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the fist drink".
On page 43 of the B.B. it says: "Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a higher power".
So I guess you're right: There's more to the A.A. program than some cutesy remark, like "just don't drink". And it starts with step 1. Thanks, Mike, for reminding me.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 27th of October 2013 02:23:41 AM
I guess I look at it like this...Being as hopeless as I was when I came into AA...And not having any defense against that first drink...I had to rely on that period of Grace that God granted me to find this solution...To work these steps....Most importantly to be restored to sanity and find a relationship with God I didn't have when I got here....Spritually...I had almost nothing. I needed to wake up my spirit. That's the goal here....A spiritual awakening.
They tell us in step 12..
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics,
I cringe in meetings when I hear...."Just don't drink and go to meetings..." If that was the message we were supposed to carry...We wouldn't need the book. I've seen way too many people just not drink and go to meetings....The results were nil. The ones that followed the path....The directions in the book...They rarely fail. I haven't seen one fail yet...I seen a few stop doing what they are supposed to be doing...That's a different story.
I guess I look at it like this...Being as hopeless as I was when I came into AA...And not having any defense against that first drink...I had to rely on that period of Grace that God granted me to find this solution...To work these steps....Most importantly to be restored to sanity and find a relationship with God I didn't have when I got here....Spritually...I had almost nothing. I needed to wake up my spirit. That's the goal here....A spiritual awakening.
They tell us in step 12..
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics,
I cringe in meetings when I hear...."Just don't drink and go to meetings..." If that was the message we were supposed to carry...We wouldn't need the book. I've seen way too many people just not drink and go to meetings....The results were nil. The ones that followed the path....The directions in the book...They rarely fail. I haven't seen one fail yet...I seen a few stop doing what they are supposed to be doing...That's a different story.
Following the instructions. Someone that understands the ABC's. :)
I needed something simple when I started. I read the steps and meditated on these 3 simple phrases. Of course as the fog lifted I could do more, grasp more, remember my way to the bathroom without instructions :).
rarely have we seen a person fail that has thoroughly followed our path.
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"I spent a lifetime in hell and it only took me twelve steps to get to heaven."
"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you."
Just my experience but when I think of "just don't drink", I think of this applying to me in my life after I have some recovery time under my belt. The desire to drink is already gone. For me, it might be "just don't drink" as a way to keep it simple for today until I can attend a meeting, talk to my sponsor, or trudge through some tough time.
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Willingness without action is fantasy!
Say what you mean. Mean what you say. But don't say it mean.
