I just spent the past half hour Google searching various iterations of "alcohol and the soul" and "addiction and the soul". I was looking for articles or blog posts by people who have written about what alcohol does to the "soul" while we are drinking, both in the short term and over a length of time. I didn't find much.
I am going to back up a few steps and say that I know that there is no universal agreement on what the "soul" is or that it even exists. I do think that for many of us alcoholics, however, we know that we have a "soul" because we have experienced them at very high points as well as very low points. We have felt alcohol twist our souls in euphoria and then leave them broken and alone in the early hours of the morning. We have had that moment where we decide that we no longer have to feel like absolute shit and make the choice to seek help in recovery. And for the lucky ones we have felt our souls regenerating and growing in spite of old wounds and desires.
The whole concept of the "soul" is very abstract and ambiguous, but I feel strongly that whatever the soul *is* is damaged heavily by drinking. If we look at the spiritual qualities that have historically led people into peace - reflection, self-control, compassion, selflessness, humility, kindness, acceptance, prayer, etc. - I think we find that alcohol is like a giant wrecking ball that obliterates the entire foundation of all those pieces of our lives that ultimately build the temple of our better selves.
I've been thinking a lot lately about why this is, and I think it's because of euphoric instant gratification. I don't know about you all, but when I was a few drinks in the entire world felt full of light. I had insight into everything and all made sense. With that kind of surreal sense of euphoria, all of those spiritual guides stop mattering because you already have a shortcut to what feels like heaven in a bottle. And then I learned, like all alcoholics learn, that it's an illusion straight out of a horror novel.
And you know it's an illusion because it is temporary and leads to the polar opposite of those good feelings when we wake up feeling like death. And we get selfish, looking for another fix. And we become self-centered, thinking that we are unique. And we lie and sneak around, fearing judgment. And we become judgmental and hateful, knowing on some level that we are deeply unhappy with ourselves. And soon all of those good qualities are overgrown by an impenetrable fortress of thorns and rot. (Metaphorically.)
At least, that has been my experience with drinking. And it has been my experience that AA, devotion, and mindfulness begin dig up some of those better qualities - but with constant need to stay on guard and never for a second forget how awful it was to drink. I say that as someone who - as you know - somewhat recently relapsed.
Anyway, thanks for letting me think in imagery. Again, I'm not sure if the soul exists or if all we experience is brain chemistry, but at any rate I do feel like the "goodness" and the "divinity" inside of us takes a beating when drinking occurs. If anyone has any reading recommendations, I'd love them.
Best,
Adam
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
Good lead Adam...for me from my own personal experiences and education...alcohol falls within the castegory of "depressant" chemicals; meaning it depresses mood, mind, body and spirit. One way I looked at spirit was "intentions to or of or for" and alcohol always depressed my intentions...I drank and my intentions to do anything other than continue to dring and "veg out" became a reality. I could transpose my soul over spirit because for me both are "inner" life and characteristics and I admit also that when I drank my soul or inner spirit also was depressed; made less than. Alcohol alterned me...I went from something normal/natural to less than and the longer I drank the farther away from normal/natural I got until under the influence was the normal/natural. My life went to hell in a handbasket which is only one way of creating a depressed (less than) picture.
I really never had "good" feelings from drinking except for my first drink and the euphoria was unreal and I chased that first feeling every other time I drank thereafter and never got it again. The chase almost killed me and didn't.
There are many who consider dream state or hallucinations and the like as a spirit state. I consider the relationship between all living things the spirit state and it has been my experiences that the way my HP has used other living things to communicate with me and move me to participate in life/lives is about spirituality.
When I was drinking I never ever recognized anything beyond my resistant close mindedness and personal selfish feelings and now that alcohol is out of the way I can be a part of it all again.
I relate to nezyb's post because I have experience there. In 1993 I was away from home having lived in Central Valley CA. for 17 years. I arrived home from work and was walking to my front door and I hear HP's voice again. "You have to go home" it said and I stopped and asked "Why do you say that"? "Because your soul was born there" was my reply and so I followed thru on it and when we had my yard sale to get out of everything I would not take back with me, we sold it all...including the chairs we were sitting in. My neighbor and I were talking just be for the sale and he asked me "Why are you going back"? and I lifted the sole of my left foot up for him to see and asked him "what do you see"? to which he replied "I don't get it...nothing". I replied "Right...no roots" and in a short while I was back home where my relationship with my God was created. Many old timers in recovery will tell you, "This is a spiritual program...only a spiritual program. I believe that.
Good post...gonna listen to what follows.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 13th of October 2013 07:58:38 PM
I don't know about anyone else's experience but my own. I was soul-less when I walked through the doors of AA. I didn't know that at the time, but I did know I was empty and broken inside. Essentially the walking dead. I didn't relate that emptiness to my soul or my drinking. I couldn't have defined my soul to you then. Today, some almost 3 years later and 2 1/2 years sober, I am able to at least begin to. I have been lead on a path of discovery to find my spiritual self. This journey has lead me directly to my soul. I define my soul as the part of me that has built a relationship with my higher power. The part that is learning to trust and have faith, in something I can't see, touch, feel or define.
I like to read, some of the authors I have found intriguing are Dan Millman and Gary Zukav. They define the soul and spirituality as parts of our inner being, at least how I understood what I read. I think the important thing at this point is to keep exploring, keep moving forward. Continue to trust in your HP.
I'm on my son's iPad and he's (im) patiently waiting for me to finish, so going to end for now.
Thanks for the topic & thanks for sharing. Peace
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
WOW, ... this could get real deep real quick, great topic Adam, ...
When we come to AA after being beaten down by King Alcohol, ... we learn that we have a 'soul-sickness' ... I was taught early on that our very 'being' stops growing or our maturity, if you will, ceases to form when we give ourselves over to the drink ... alcohol becomes our number 1 guide through life and our mind, body, and soul pursue it to the gates of Hell ... The 'soul' as you put is in fact our 'spirit', like Jerry said ... well, in my book it is ... our spirit is who we are, how we think and act, it is our very being and existence ...
I, for one, learned more and related more to the spiritual self described in the book 'The Shack' better than probably any one other single source ... that book very ingeniously brought daily existence into light and the problems many of us face, and married it to the part of us that experiences the dreams referred to here ... you could see it as an 'out-of-body' experience ... and this was all described in the 'spiritual plane' of our lives ... you know, how we are a part of the very 'nature' around us like Jerry also described ... It's an incredible read, I'd recommend it for everyone for sure ...
One thing that hit me hard just before my last trip to 'rehab', was that my wife looked at me one day, after coming home from work and finding me dead drunk on the couch, she said is this the way you want to be remembered ??? ... I said 'what'd ya mean ?' ... she said do you really want your tombstone to read, 'here lies a man that tried to do good but gave that all up for alcohol' ... the point I am trying to emphasize here is that our 'spirit' will live on after the body has turned to dust, our spirit can live on in others, either singularly or in groups ... our spirits have an impact on others, whether we are there physically or not ... 'Today', I for one, wish to leave this world and leave a spirit that can perhaps help someone that is still alive, cope with life ... a 'spirit' that leaves a positive influence, not like the tombstone that Bill wrote about about dying by the musket or the pot(bottle) ...
Welcome to the 'spiritual world and the great beyond' Adam ... thanks for the post ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
P.S. And with today's cyberspace and computers, who knows how long and where our posts will turn up in the future ... maybe a hundred years from now, someone will stumble across what we just posted today ... this stuff can bounce around from computer to computer forever ... ... ... not like the pen and paper we used to use, LOL ...
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Monday 14th of October 2013 09:02:32 AM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
