I slipped into this comfortable stage of recovery, where things seem too good. I got to discover why I'm waiting for the ball to drop in ACOA meetings. Why comfortable is too boring and scary. There were times I still wanted to fix others so I could stop the pain I would encounter as a human every once and a while. Especially my loved ones, and my fellow AA's. Alanon and CODA filled me with answers to that.
As I skipped around from one recovery group to another, it all became so very clear to me what was beneath it all. The common theme - the faces all melded together as I saw people hurting, people recovering, people dying and people living.
As I dabbled in a little of this and a little of that, I began to find a home within each home. Always drifting toward the same HP. I am proud to have many 12 step home groups now. Time starts to lose it's power over me, and days just flow - and I know where to go.
The groups have their cursor pointing to one particular problem - but within the groups - the 12 steps remain the same, and the solution is always available for the taking. The same solution for all of us, makes me less unique and my mind open to learn from the humans I'm surrounded by.
It's a beautiful day to be in recovery, whatever label you go by. Today I'm more than just recovering - I'm living. I'm no longer dying inside, or dying from a fatal disease. I'm no longer just hoping to hang on by a thread. I'm no longer wishing for more, or wishing I knew all the answers. I'm not upset about where I am, where I've been, or where I'm headed. This day is perfect. It's comfortable, calm and best of all, available. This isn't about gaining anything, or getting ahead. This isn't about putting another chip in the box. It's just living in a new way, with a new freedom and a humble heart that loves a HP, that has taught me to love. I'm so grateful.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Good morning Tasha! I enjoyed reading your post and seeing how full of love and joy and gratitude your heart is at this point in your life. I feel the same way as well, and always wake up with a feeling of joy and feel the need to tell God about it in my prayers. I think I spend more prayer-time thanking than asking today. Whether you know it, or not, your attitude of gratitude affects people. Over the years, I've become convinced that gratitude is quite contagious. While I've only attended A.A. meetings, I remember sitting in certain meetings where there was a lot of wallowing and complaining and misery among the people who spoke, and I began to notice how quickly it spread around the room like the flu. But, I also noticed how much hope I felt when I heard people speak with gratitude. One person with a feeling of gratitude can convey a sense of hope, and change the tone of the entire meeting and change how we feel when we leave. Thanks for sharing the joy you feel and never stop spreading it around to all of those who need hope. Blessings, Mike D.
