I used to try to control my drinking and using all the time. I'd give myself a limit as to how many drinks I would have; I'd practice drinking a glass of water between cocktails; I would use only on the weekend (that didn't work because soon Friday and then Thursday became part of the weekend), and on and on. What I found was that as soon as I tried to control it, I lost control.
When I entered recovery I learned about the concept of powerlessness. Even though I had countless examples of how I was powerless over drugs and alcohol, I secretly hoped that one day I would be able to control and enjoy it. After countless inventories and step work, I learned that I lost that dubious luxury long ago, and that whenever I tried to control my drinking I didn't enjoy it, and when I enjoyed it, I couldn't control it.
Just as I was coming to accept my powerlessness over alcohol, I faced an even more daunting idea - that I was powerless over just about everything else in my life as well. The way I've come to accept this is to take responsibility for my part (my thoughts and my actions) and to leave the rest up to God. This always works, when I remember to work it.
And the minute I don't, the minute I take control, that's the minute I lose control once again.
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Copyright @ 2013 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I love how these stories relate to everyone... This is my first post here, although I have been lurking around and reading posts from others ;)
I feel like I'm currently in that space described above... I know in my heart that I am powerless; however, that can be such a difficult concept to truly embrace as human nature is to believe you are in control over your actions... yikes.
Anyways, thanks for posting!
I used to think I was in control many times in my life ... now that I have survived 60 years on this planet, I've learned that every time I thought I was in control, it was simply an illusion ... LOL ... ... ... All I have to do is get in my car and drive to a meeting ... some other drivers scare the bejeebers out of me, so I'm reminded every time I get behind the wheel, I can only head in the direction I wish to go, but I am not in control of the other drivers out there ... some of them are just plain 'nuts' ... LOL ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
O yah- I'm just like everyone else here..... 
I'm not that unique. 