Are you serious? Wow, talk about being rude. This guy has obvious problems besides alcoholism, or as my mother used to say "some people are wound tighter than a drum nut". It just goes to show how far some people have fallen.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 21st of September 2013 11:46:25 PM
Ok I went to a meeting this morning. I decided to share on the topic of fear. I am a musician who has some high profile concerts coming up. I have performed in the past based on fear. Fear of not being well thought of as a musician, a person etc.... I know what I need to do and I spoke to my sponsor about it, but stupid me I thought I should share in a meeting be honest get it out talk about it and things will get easier. So I did...... Then it happened. The guy who share right after me used me in his share. He said man listening to you is like listening to my wife. Or ug you sound just like my wife. She is always...... Then he spoke about he knows how to over come fear and when he does it is like getting a cookie. Then he said something else about how I sound like his wife and not ending up like that.....
I once heard it said that AA is not a museum of perfect people.....This guy sounds like a real bozo....When I have a problem with fear....I 10th step it.
Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.
BB pg 84
It actually works pretty good.
-- Edited by Stepchild on Saturday 21st of September 2013 04:30:36 PM
Great to hear from you Kathy, ... ... ... A meeting is a meeting Kathy ... it happens to be made up of sick people trying to learn how to live life without alcohol ... some of us are in varying stages of recovery and 'at any given point in time', we may sound off with something that doesn't make any sense or have any 'relevance' to anything or anyone ... I try to take what can help me from a meeting and simply leave the rest ... I know some people with long term sobriety that still have trouble living the principles on a daily basis ... those are the ones I usually ignore ...
As far as the topic of fear ... Where is the fear coming from ??? ... I've seen you play and I'm here to tell you, you have a gift and you can perform as good, if not better, than most musicians I've ever heard ... and knowing this, how many people in your audience can do what you do, 'better than you' ... probably 'none' ... SO, when a person stands before others knowing their profession as well or better than anyone else, WHAT'S to FEAR ??? ... Do your performances with the knowledge that you are bringing some comfort and joy to those who are there to listen to you ... let your music do your talking, and show your emotional attachment to your music ... lead the audience on a musical journey with you into that place of beauty and tranquility in your mind ... bare your soul to them through your instrument ... You know you can, and have in the past ... so why 'create a 'fear' that is not really there ??? ... 'fear' is simply a negative thought on a possible negative outcome ... 'fear' is only present when you invite it in ... pray to have the fear removed AND, to give to others through your music what it is you wish them to feel ...
Love and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hmm. Well, if you DO sound like his wife, it sounds to me like both you and her are doing a good job of taking care of yourselves, putting one foot in front of the other, and recovering from alcoholism. Keep up the good work. And have a great gig! Oh yeah, and that guys wife could do a lot better. Just sayin'.
That for me is an opportunity...to practice compassion, empathy, forgiveness, open-mindedness, tolerance and acceptance. He's already practicing what he is and its not working. Gossiping about his wife and judging and more. Don't follow his program. Stuff like that always gives me an opportunity to be assertive after a meeting and then I don't always do that either. Not my sponsee just a guy with a brain full of self. Bless him and pray he stays sober. Have a great gig...take your program. (((hugs)))
2 weeks of prayer for people I resent is what I learned to do here - and it works for me. I hope you find peace with it. Thanks for letting us be an ear to listen how not to be ; )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
A meeting is a meeting Kathy ... it happens to be made up of sick people trying to learn how to live life without alcohol ...
Just a small point but an important one for the casual reader... In many and, hopefully, most meetings, there will be a number of recovered people willing and able to show the newcomer what they did. They can usually be identified by what they say, how they behave, and what they do.
Of course there are many sick people in AA but equally there are many who have followed the program of recovery and are living examples that AA works.
Hi Kathy! Your post caught my eye because my 28 year old daughter is a professional classical musician who plays for a major symphony and my 20 year old son is a jazz musician who is still in music school. Ok...let me get to the point: About the guy who referred to you in his share in a meeting, I don't think it's really worth bothering yourself with. The people we encounter in the meetings we attend are all at different levels of recovery. Sometimes when we're still caught up in the throes of our alcoholic insanity, we might say something stupid or offensive in a meeting. It happens. Sometimes we hear good stuff. Sometimes we hear crazy stuff. What I do is focus on the good things I hear, and just ignore the rest of it. I hope you won't let those negative things interfere with your serenity. Besides, you don't have any control over what someone says. But, you do have control over whether you let it bother you. Just focus on the good stuff, and....just let it go. Thanks for letting me share. Blessings, Mike D.
One thing we're really hot on is cross sharing - it takes skill and knowledge on the part of the participants of the meeting to spot and stop cross sharing such as this.
It was inappropriate - we should not share directly or indirectly at, to or for another memebr - but it happens. We should only share OUR experience, strenght and hope.
Now then, I fall prey to cross sharing myself, both recieveing and giving. I have learnt that in both cases the problem lies with the person cross sharing (yep, even me).
Sometimes it's a very fine line. I have lost count how many times in early sobriety my share was robustly challenged either from the body of the hall (uncomfortable and confrontational) or 1:1 (also uncomfortable and sometimes confrontational) If it's in open court, I can ignore it and let it go. If it's one to one - well then it might be worth hearing or dicsuussing.
when a person cross shares, they are not generally sharing their experience, but expressing their opinion. It says in one of the traditions something along the line of AA has no opinion on outside issues....something I try to keep to myself.
However two things to remember about opinions and by inference cross sharing. Opinions are like arseholes - everybody's got one but no one needs two and an opinion freely volunteered and expressed is worth exactly what was paid for it - bugger all.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
When I look back on the date of the original post I wonder how I ended up wondering today if anyone responded. I suppose I was meant to see it now. I needed every word, so thank you. I have not been to regular meetings since this event happened. I have not gone back to my home group where this initially happened. Maybe I have a resentment, perhaps I am still hurting. I never share anything about myself that is real with to many people except my wife. I took a chance because I was finally feeling comfortable with myself. Yes, I felt like I got beat down. There are no mistakes. I have been meditating daily. I have been praying constantly. God is with me. I have been able to voice my fear out loud. Some one else had something negative to say about it. I freaked out, but I was not paralyzed. I moved forward with God's help to learn more about myself in a positive way. The result was a beautifully transforming performance at my brother in-laws wedding playing Bach in the serene woods of the Berkshires overlooking a fall color clad lake. Several days later I performed with amazing musicians at the college Faculty Gala. I saw myself for the first time as belonging. I am perfect just the way I am. I am very great. These are things I have never said about myself, but they are things I am now willing to believe. There is serenity yet to be had thanks to God's grace.
Good to hear from you mich...You know what meetings I really dislike? Meetings where people share about everything but the solution....Drives me nuts. I always go back though....Got to try and carry the message. Where are you at as far as working the steps goes?
