Especially when I am so NOT used to feeling anything.
Hey Craig, ... I think most of us had lost the ability to feel anymore ... ... ... I know that anytime I had 'issues', I drank them away, well, till I woke up the next day ... it's a bit*h to start feeling things again ... some say when we get deep into our addiction, we stop growing emotionally (maturing) ... so when we stop, THEN we start growing up again ... so that means I have the emotional maturity of about a 22 y/o at the age of 60 ... LOL ...
Your post reminded me of the acronym S.O.B.E.R. ... soon enough after putting down the bottle, we realize ... S on O f a B it*h E verything's R eal ...
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 18th of September 2013 09:55:38 PM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Aloha Craig and your share reminded me of a birthday gift I just got from my wife...it is a Hazelton recovery chip which is inscribed "If God brings you to it, God will get you thru it". This is "Trust God" practice...the first 3 steps. Not being able to recognize feelings to an alcoholic and or addict is normal...The chemical gets in the way of feelings and also stunts our maturity. I didn't come in contact with my emotions until I had been in recovery for about 5 and more years and then was suddenly faced with two huge feelings I had never recognized before in my life and I needed my sponsorship and others to hang on to or else collapse entirely to the ground. Those two emotions were guilt and shame and though they were very toxic for me to feel I would not return to the anesthesia I normally used...alcohol. There were the other emotions also and not as overwhelming as guilt and shame. God led me thru it. Keep coming back
My old solution when in pain was to crack a bottle... I don't have that solution now.
Thank God there is a better one. I can't even describe the pain I was in when I came into AA....Not to mention the fear and hopelessness. I didn't really get any relief till I prayed my way through an honest inventory (Step 4) and spent a few hours with my sponsor doing my fifth step....They promised me this....
We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.
BB pg 75
Wouldn't you know it?....That's how I felt. It's all about action....There is a solution.
The only way to deal with the pain is to feel it. The nice thing is that feelings change. They ebb and flow and you just need to flow along with them. I have dealt with my fair share this year and have come to the conclusion that it is all about acceptance. I just need to feel what comes up and accept it for what it is at that moment knowing another moment is to come. I try to stay in a place of faith and trust in my Higher Power knowing He wants me to be happy, joyous and free.
__________________
I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Very well put Vixen! Feel, deal and heal. FEAR= Face Everything And Recover. It's painful and hurts more than non-alcoholics can imagine, but it will pass and we will learn and grow from it. Pray, Let Go and Accept!
