Yesterday I was at the Villages' (an area in north Macon which is full of retirees) Publix (our large food chain in Georgia) buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen the Wonder Dog. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So, because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, but I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet. The way that it works is, you load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Publix won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Funny Pap...and I agree being sober, retired and having an office in Akua's (God's) garden is the most fun I could come up with. This morning when I stopped to get a drink of water at the fountain a most recent born Mo`o Madagascar (colorful lizard) hopped from the fawcet on to my hand. This of course always starts a conversation between the lizards and myself...We have Cameleons in the garden also. So I'm conversing with this child and trying to get it to hop on a leaf so I can continue with my work yet it insisted on walking up the back of my hand and on to my forearm. They don't speak english or hawaiian and I can't hear mo`o and anyhow I finally got it onto a leaf of ginger and went back to my office. Wasn't too much longer I got another mo`o hitchhiker a wee bit larger and still a child which pretty much wanted the same thing...a temporary visit some conversation and then another leaf to hop on to. They are very colorful and so light you can barely if at all feel them come aboard. Now I didn't have a whopper like yours to broadcast and I did have a joke to tell a co-worker. Thought it up all by myself which is amazing because my brain doesn't do real straight line thinking anymore. "The gardener was recently caught off the job (grounds cleaning) and cited for being AWOL...Absent Without Leaves". Had a fit of gratitude that it came up with that much.
Hey Jerry, that was pretty good ... AWOL, oh man ... LOL ... ... I used to have a few snakes and lizards as pets ... they never talked much either ...
Hey man, ... what's with the molasses over there ??? ... y'all s'posed ta put that stuff on biscuits or pancakes, not feed it to the fish !!! ... and it might just make the surfers all 'sticky' ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Been long enough since I've read this that I forgot the punch line - it was funny all over again - love when that happens. That reminds me, I was going to watch some good ol' great outdoors and the like again : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
The molasses was a spill over on Oahu at the docks and thousands of gallons went into the inland sea. It is of course much heavier than water and went to the bottom where it settled and coated everything. The oxygen level goes to low numbers and the fish die off by the hundreds if not thousands and those fish are our sustinence. Shark count has gone up for sure as they scavenge and clean up the area. Boaters are worrying because if the molasses get sucked up into their water pickups for their engines...it will be a costly fix...Not a good deal.
