There's this guy I know. He was pretty instrumental to my realizing I was an alcoholic, and getting sober. He introduced me to AA. In and out of the program himself for over a decade, he knows how to talk the talk- an expert at manipulation. After distancing myself from him, I have recently had to intervene to essentially save his life. He is a coworker who has relapsed a few times in dramatic fashion and is employed with the stipulation he remain sober. Well, things happened, police were called for a 'wellness check' that landed him under 24 hour psych evaluation. Within 5 minutes of him checking himself out against drs orders, he's texting me like madness with every excuse in the book..."it was just one night I drank"..." I didn't drink that much- my medication makes me seem drunk"..."I'll never do it again". He's doing this not realizing he no longer had a job. I simply explained to him that he can't BS me ....cuz I'm an alcoholic, too- and I've done everything he is doing now. The denial, the lies bordering on delusion, the need to convince people he doesn't have a problem- even in the face of evidence to the contrary. Even after being officially fired, he's looking me in the face with that desperate pleading look while his mouth runs off lie after lie. I realized I am looking at myself not too long ago- and I want to smack him. There is nothing I can do. Nothing but pray. It's frustrating and heartbreaking and exhausting. I gave him a few #s of guys I know in the program with 20+ years sobriety and told him he'd be wise to call them, not me. He has not. It both angers and frustrates me that he thinks I'm dumb enough to not see the games that he's playing... I then remember that he is a very sick man, and that I was once that sick, and could be again. This man is 60 years old, and i pray he gets it before it gets him in the grave. So, tonight I'm asking for prayers for one of us that still suffers. I love the guy for helping me when i needed it. But, man is he a pain in the ass! I'm learning to detach with kindness.
I think we should all keep 'those who are still suffering' in our daily prayers ... not to mention the children who have no choice in being exposed to such conditions ...
When I see a person such as you have described above, it saddens me greatly ... all I can do is be there to picks up the pieces when they fall ... I have an ex-sponsee that stayed sober for over a year, then decided he can do it on his own ... year later I was taking him back to a meeting, half 'in the bag' and suffering tremendously ... he left again, and hasn't been seen since ... (early thirties) ... I've learned to not agonize over this stuff ... that the only thing I can do is pray for him, just like you said ...
Love ya Col and God Bless you, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
That's a rough one, Colleen. From an alcoholic standpoint I can certainly relate; been there many times myself. So I know how awkward it must feel. The thing is; we can't help people who aren't willing to help themselves. But it does remind me, though: Honesty can be a harsh reality, without question. I hope he finds some clarity.
There is something about seeing reflections of myself in my earlier state that make my entire being recoil. Sometimes my response is mercy though. I will be praying for your friend, who cared enough about you to lead you to water and thank my God that you were smart enough (or desperate enough) to stay and drink and even inspire others with your own story. I pray this is the last bottom this man has to hit and that perhaps this will be his last visit with pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.
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"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 84
An addict is WHAT I am but it does not define all of WHO I am.
