At the moment my beloved wife is upstairs shooting up. She relapsed two days ago though I just found out an hour ago. She is on parole and the consequences of a dirty UA is life without parole. She says that she wants to quit tomorrow and is willing to go to a meeting tonight. Of course, addiction has her in its grips and anything she says now is suspect.
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."
Today I am not disturbed though in spite of this. My wife is exactly as she is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing happens in my higher powers world by mistake. I am living my higher powers dream for me today and this is a part of it. Fear has no resting place. Trust with me that all is as it should be at this moment in your life as it is in mine and when this event has run its course and my higher powers will has come to pass for the highest good of all - I'll share it with you.
In a completely plutonic way, I really do love you. When I suggest to women that they should stick with strong women in the program, I am thinking of women like you.
The business about the world being exactly as God intends it is somewhat BS to me. You have to think about things. Hundreds of people were recently gassed to death in Syria. Sadly, some woman will be raped, a child molested.. Not so sure I would say God intends the evil that men do.
Your wife breaking federal laws, having drugs in the house, all of that is not good. Her getting to the place where she would be doing hard time for a positive, means she has done some seriously wrong stuff. You are also breaking laws having it in the home. Program literature does not over rule the laws of the land.
I hope it all works out for you. Very tough situation. It may be unpopular to question certain pieces of literature, but I see them as excellent suggestions that are right very often. No disrespect intended. Illegal is illegal. Hope she does not OD. Just you posting you know this is going on could be used in court against you.
There is another saying,
Think
Think
Think
__________________
"I spent a lifetime in hell and it only took me twelve steps to get to heaven."
"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you."
Acceptance is a wonderful thing, but it can be dangerous for a person who is in recovery to be alone in the same house with a practicing addict who has brought drugs or booze into the house. I encourage you to consider 'rallying the troops' - reach out to people in recovery who can come to your home. Does your wife have a sponsor, or friends who are in recovery? Do you? Can you call these people and ask them to come over and help do some 12th step work with your wife between now and when you go to a meeting? Keep in mind that we are advised not to do 12th step calls alone, and this includes in our own house with a family member. Please remember to take care of your own recovery first.
Sober strummer nailed it. It is not Gods will for us to relapse. Relapse is the LACK of Gods will in our life. It is taking back our own self will. I'm not judging you or your wife, I certainly didn't stay sober from the first time I ever walked into a meeting of AA. Relapse happens. But it sure isn't God's will. In fact, it would be perfectly OK with everything and everyone in the entire universe if we all stayed clean and sober and never ever relapsed. The only thing that has ever wanted me to relapse is my own self-destructive self will.
The business about the world being exactly as God intends it is somewhat BS to me. You have to think about things. Hundreds of people were recently gassed to death in Syria. Sadly, some woman will be raped, a child molested.. Not so sure I would say God intends the evil that men do.
I am atheist so the premise of God stops any further supposition on my part.
[quote=soberstrummer]Your wife breaking federal laws, having drugs in the house, all of that is not good. Her getting to the place where she would be doing hard time for a positive, means she has done some seriously wrong stuff.
In January of 2009, a Supreme Court Justice in the state were my wife was incarcerated, talking about her case on the record stated, "If we knew then what we know today, this young woman wouldn't have done a day in prison." That she is still bound by the archaic laws that incarcerated her does not mean she was wrong.
[quote=soberstrummer]You are also breaking laws having it in the home. Program literature does not over rule the laws of the land.
I do not know where it is in our home, nor did I bring it in. I am only responsible for my own actions and am satisfied and at peace with my part in this.
[quote=soberstrummer]I hope it all works out for you. Very tough situation. It may be unpopular to question certain pieces of literature, but I see them as excellent suggestions that are right very often. No disrespect intended. Illegal is illegal. Hope she does not OD. Just you posting you know this is going on could be used in court against you.
My reasons for posting were to share strength and hope with others. My higher power will not allow that to be used against me. I understand what you are saying and why, and sincerely appreciate your concern. All will be well.
Sober strummer nailed it. It is not Gods will for us to relapse. Relapse is the LACK of Gods will in our life. It is taking back our own self will. I'm not judging you or your wife, I certainly didn't stay sober from the first time I ever walked into a meeting of AA. Relapse happens. But it sure isn't God's will. In fact, it would be perfectly OK with everything and everyone in the entire universe if we all stayed clean and sober and never ever relapsed. The only thing that has ever wanted me to relapse is my own self-destructive self will.
I came to AA court ordered in 1978. I relapsed in 1985. I was not ready to stay sober in 1978; I had not hit my bottom. However, when I hit my bottom in 1992, my prior experience allowed me to know where the help was at. It is my belief that spirituality and recovery are like a trampoline, the lower one goes the higher one can soar. It seems clear to me, though I could be mistaken, that one who relapses has not hit their bottom yet. Too, though not everyone survives relapse, some die so that others may live.
Acceptance is a wonderful thing, but it can be dangerous for a person who is in recovery to be alone in the same house with a practicing addict who has brought drugs or booze into the house. I encourage you to consider 'rallying the troops' - reach out to people in recovery who can come to your home. Does your wife have a sponsor, or friends who are in recovery? Do you? Can you call these people and ask them to come over and help do some 12th step work with your wife between now and when you go to a meeting? Keep in mind that we are advised not to do 12th step calls alone, and this includes in our own house with a family member. Please remember to take care of your own recovery first.
My recovery cannot be threatened by anyone or anything except me. I am responsible.
As for this situation...I don't know for certain, but I think that all situations are similar in that each and every one gives us an opportunity to learn and grow or to squander that opportunity and go the other way. I have learned so much already through this - about me, about love, about acceptance... I really don't know, but sometimes I think I do...that this is what is meant by the saying, "When the student is ready the teacher will appear."
She remains my greatest teacher and I owe her so much. It's frustrating because I read what I wrote and it sounds saccarine sweet, perhaps even saintly - and I am far from that...it's just that, I've always believed - even in the midst of the worst of my addictions, that my purpose on earth, the goal of my life - was to learn love. To that end, I owe everything to my father, my daughter and most of all, my wife.
I guess my point is, and the reason that I wrote those last two paragraphs is to say this: my recovery is not in jeopardy... my recovery is growing like never before. This extended moment is a grow or go moment...my choice on which was made a long time ago. Like a marathon runner hopes the next corner will have people on the sidelines yelling encouragement and handing out cups of water, I'm looking for supporters as I run this race - but I'm going to finish the race regardless.
I'm strengthened by your strength - thank you for sharing. Good thoughts comin...
I'm with Tasha here Angell ... ... ... you have my prayers for you and your wife also ...
I believe much the same as you Angell, but I think of it a little differently ... I do believe in God and I hold Him as my higher power ... AND I believe as the 'Good Book' says, "that all things work for the good, for all that believe in Him" ... does that mean that everything in my life will be 'peaches 'n cream' ??? ... of course not ... there are lessons I need to learn and mistkes are a part of that process ... does this mean that God wills others to die for His own purpose, NO ... it means that God allows mankind to have the freedom to live life as man desires to ... and for mankind to kill others is a part of that freedom ... ... ... It doesn't make it right ... and as to the 'why' ... maybe someday we'll learn the answer to that, but now, we just simply don't 'understand' ... could God keep this evil from going on, of course, but perhaps He needed some more angels to keep Him company or perhaps He has job openings that need filling ... ... ...
The only time and the only place you will find 'evil', is when there is an 'absence of God' ... God allowed His own Son to be sacrificed for the good of all mankind ... so how can I judge Him and hold Him responsible for bad things when they happen ??? ... ... ... I think the lack of God in our cultures around the world is the root cause of all the world's problems ... I know the lack of God in my life led me to become the drunken asshole everyone hated ... When I invited God back into my life, things changed, I changed, and life is now wonderful ... and in my life, I believe it's as God intended ... He did not force me to have faith ... that grew in me as His miracles for me continued in my sobriety ... ... ...
Love you guys and God Bless,
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I'm strengthened by your strength - thank you for sharing. Good thoughts comin...
I'm with Tasha here Angell ... ... ... you have my prayers for you and your wife also ...
I believe much the same as you Angell, but I think of it a little differently ... I do believe in God and I hold Him as my higher power ... AND I believe as the 'Good Book' says, "that all things work for the good, for all that believe in Him" ... does that mean that everything in my life will be 'peaches 'n cream' ??? ... of course not ... there are lessons I need to learn and mistkes are a part of that process ... does this mean that God wills others to die for His own purpose, NO ... it means that God allows mankind to have the freedom to live life as man desires to ... and for mankind to kill others is a part of that freedom ... ... ... It doesn't make it right ... and as to the 'why' ... maybe someday we'll learn the answer to that, but now, we just simply don't 'understand' ... could God keep this evil from going on, of course, but perhaps He needed some more angels to keep Him company or perhaps He has job openings that need filling ... ... ...
The only time and the only place you will find 'evil', is when there is an 'absence of God' ... God allowed His own Son to be sacrificed for the good of all mankind ... so how can I judge Him and hold Him responsible for bad things when they happen ??? ... ... ... I think the lack of God in our cultures around the world is the root cause of all the world's problems ... I know the lack of God in my life led me to become the drunken asshole everyone hated ... When I invited God back into my life, things changed, I changed, and life is now wonderful ... and in my life, I believe it's as God intended ... He did not force me to have faith ... that grew in me as His miracles for me continued in my sobriety ... ... ...
Love you guys and God Bless,
Pappy
Great words there. You just summed up my story, the drunken asshole before, and a useful person after surrendering to God.
Thx
__________________
"I spent a lifetime in hell and it only took me twelve steps to get to heaven."
"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you."
Best hopes and wishes for you and family during these difficult times...
I have been through similar situations with my wife who is sober today but picked up a drink about 7 years into our marriage, a very mean and crazy drunk may I add.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't disturbed....I was actually quite disturbed. Went to alanon via a suggestion. After a couple meetings I realized I just needed to buckle down and focus on my AA program, get out of self and try and help a drunk......the same thing you are doing here in this tread today.
Love the below statement, and I feel the same way today.
my recovery is growing like never before. This extended moment is a grow or go moment...my choice on which was made a long time ago. Like a marathon runner hopes the next corner will have people on the sidelines yelling encouragement and handing out cups of water, I'm looking for supporters as I run this race - but I'm going to finish the race regardless.
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
