When my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I was reminded what it was like to be powerless. But, the doctor said, there are certain things we can do to improve the situation. There are various medications and treatments we can use to slow the disease down that will give you a bit more time, and improve the quality of the remaining time. We were powerless over this disease but the doctor wasn't, so we put ourselves entirely in his care and followed his every suggestion to the letter. He said things like you need a course of chemo-therapy, which you get every monday at our clinic at 2.00 pm. We were there every monday at 2.00 pm. And we took the medicine. If we wanted to improve our situation THERE WAS NO CHOICE.
The clock was ticking. There was no option of putting it off till later or "I'm not ready for that, I think I'll have another look in a year, see how I feel". How crazy such a thought would be.
Yet I see it time after time. The newly sober and terminally ill alcoholic admits they are powerless over alcohol, that they have lost the power of choice in drink, and yet act like they still have a choice. "I'm gonna take my time with the steps". not realising that until they have had a spritual awakening as the result of the steps, powerless means that the obsession can (and frequently does) return at any time, and when it does and they find themselves in that strange mental blank spot, all their knowledge, all the scary stories they have heard, all their own scary experiences will not come to mind with suffient force to keep them from drinking.
If the powerless alcoholic wants to recover, the only choice is whether to do the work or not, not doing the work being no choice at all. We read the a,b,cs at almost every meeting. A) that we were powerless over alcohol, b) that probably no human power could relieve our alcoholism and c) that God could and would if He were sought.
Consider the decision we made in respect of my wife's cancer, to put ourselves entirely in the doctor's care. In the context of alcoholism, God is something like the doctor . If you are powerless, doesn't it make sense to put yourself entirely in His (the God of your understanding) care, to take all the neccessary steps to develop and maintain a spiritual awakening, to get properly connected to the Power that will keep you sober, before you run out of time?
God bless,
MikeH
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Sunday 25th of August 2013 07:52:49 PM
I agree, Mike. They will always be a handful of people who never take sobriety seriously. It's just a fact of life. They can never look beyond their initial skepticism and see A.A. for what it's worth: A beacon of hope.
Some of these 'unfortunate' souls take their animosity one step further. They either make fictitious claims that are not entirely relevant, like the steps for instance, or try to discredit A.A. altogether. They seem to forget how powerlessness and alcoholism go hand in hand. Then when they relapse, it's like 'what went wrong'. Hmm...I wonder. It's not like there working a program or anything. Needless to say; relapses do happen, and A.A. will always welcome them back. Maybe this time things will be different. One could only hope.
Your right about the steps, though: They crucial to our way of life. So the next time someone makes a 'recommendation' maybe we should suggest a more powerful antidote: Step1. It helps pave the way so no one gets left behind.
Speaking of which: If the steps were such a non-issue then everyone would fall short, eventually, wouldn't they? That's why the steps are so crucial: They're a diagram for sober living. So the next time someone balks at the idea of "powerlessness", mentioned in step 1, maybe they should experience a testimony like none other. I guess our stories can do just that: Provide the proof they need. It shouldn't take too long before they connect the dots, should it? When they finally do, sobriety will most likely follow. And that's when the real fun begins. One could only hope. Onward.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 1st of September 2013 03:24:38 PM
Nothing to add but a hearty AMEN! Thanks for sharing that.
__________________
The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
Thanks for sharing this, Mike. The only person who was responsible for my recovery was me. I worked the steps with diligence because I had to. As I grew in AA I work the steps because I love to work them. It brings great joy in my life to stay in fit spiritual condition.
Thanks for sharing this, Mike. The only person who was responsible for my recovery was me. I worked the steps with diligence because I had to. As I grew in AA I work the steps because I love to work them. It brings great joy in my life to stay in fit spiritual condition.
By the grace of God and the 12 Steps, I've also reached a point in my sobriety where I practice the program not because I HAVE to, but rather because I WANT to.
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
What hooked me was that I was thinking I was suppose to like my solution. But if I were dying from a heart attack - I'd chew the 3 nasty tasting aspirns and swallow because I want to live. I don't GET TO like it. If I want to live, I just have to do the only option that will save me.
I thought I was suppose to like it. While I do like it now, I was sure I didn't then... but it helped me to remember that liking it wasn't necessary.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Another hearty Amen to your post Mike ... ... ... Great thread and great shares ...
Tasha's share reminded me of when I was a kid and had to take medicine for some reason or another, I'd pucker up my face and nearly gag on the stuff ... when I got here, I too, didn't like what I had to do, like the medicine, I could barely stand it ... Today, however, it's become a 'way of life' that I thoroughly enjoy ... nothing like 'being here' for life as it happens, rather than being 'zoned out' in a Zombie state somewhere ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
What puzzles me is the lack of a sense of urgency in some folks. We have this window of opportunity which seems to stay open if we get active. But no one knows for sure how long we have before the obsession returns. My last window stayed open for three weeks, then closed. The book tells us to heavily emphasise (smash home) the hopelessness of the alcoholic condition in order to bring about a sense of urgency to accompany the very real hope we offer.
In my belief , delay seems to bring more pain and suffering. Living needlessly in untreated alcoholism, even if you can manage to not drink, is an unpleasant business. And the load we are carrying just gets heavier and more painful the longer we wait to get rid of it.
One niight I was returning to harbour on my boat. I picked up the mooring line and as I hauled it in I noticed a lot of fishing line wrapped around it. I thought to myself "there is bound to be a few hooks in this, I'll have to be careful" but i had to get the mooring on quickly due to the strength of the tide. Sure enough hook went through my thumb. At the very instant it went through, and for a few moments after, it did not hurt. I thought to myself "I have two options here" Leave it in till later, but I knew it would become painful and difficult to remove. Or pull it out now, before it becomes too painful" I pulled it out then and there - a slight ouch! but later all I had to do was wash it and put a bandage on which was a lot less painful.
The Big Book tells us half measures avail us nothing, so it seems in order to recover we will have to take all the medicine (remove the hook) some time. What I am suggesting is that if we delay, the process will be a lot more painful than it needs to be.
Parkinsons law again: "Delay is the deadliest form of denial".
God bless, MikeH.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Monday 26th of August 2013 04:43:52 PM
That is a VERY good analogy. And timely, too - I ran into this exact state of mind yesterday during a discussion with a sponsee. He claims to have admitted to his innermost self that he is an alcoholic and has lost the power of choice when it comes to drink (and other stuff) and claims to be turning his will and his life over to a Power greater than himself, and greater than his self-destructive alcoholic self-will, yet he was engaging in a severe bout of attempting to rationalize and justify indulging in some high-risk old behavior. It looks like we'll be concentrating on 1/2/3 for a while. I'll be sure to use this analogy the next time we talk.
Yet I see it time after time. The newly sober and terminally ill alcoholic admits they are powerless over alcohol, that they have lost the power of choice in drink, and yet act like they still have a choice. "I'm gonna take my time with the steps". not realising that until they have had a spritual awakening as the result of the steps, powerless means that the obsession can (and frequently does) return at any time, and when it does and they find themselves in that strange mental blank spot, all their knowledge, all the scary stories they have heard, all their own scary experiences will not come to mind with suffient force to keep them from drinking.
If there is one thing about AA that baffles me....It's this. I love your posts Mike H...They are music to my eyes.
What puzzles me is the lack of a sense of urgency in some folks. ...
It's our old friend denial, and it's powerful enough to kill people if left to run its course. I look at it this way - When I was drinking , I NEEDED my denial, just like I needed my ability to lie convincingly to others. These types of behaviors and thinking patterns were useful "tools" for the practicing alcoholic. Without them, if I had had to completely face the truth about my life, while still drinking, before I had had any kind of thoughts about trying to recover, with no denial to soften the blow of what that would feel like, I could have easily decided that it would be best to simply end that horrible life.
But of course once I got sober, all of those old patterns of denial, lying, rationalizing, all of these things that were once necessary 'tricks of the trade' for a practicing alcoholic were now something very different - they were character defects, and they no longer served me. They could only harm me. BUT - they were also very deeply ingrained life-long habits and patterns and they would not just go away on their own. It can take a lot of effort for us to change those kinds of deeply embedded characteristics. Once we look back on it later, after having gained some clarity and having worked the steps, you're right. It can seem like 'what the HELL was I THINKING??'. Yeah, that's alcoholism for ya.
Reservations. If people have them, it often does not work.
I will work all of the program except...
I can do this part my way...
There is a way that works....
Alcoholics Anonymous, the story of how thousands of men and women recovered from alcoholism. I have always told people that If you want to recover, use the plan laid out in the book. It works.
__________________
"I spent a lifetime in hell and it only took me twelve steps to get to heaven."
"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you."
Alcoholics Anonymous, the story of how thousands of men and women recovered from alcoholism. I have always told people that If you want to recover, use the plan laid out in the book. It works.
Now this sounds more like the truth.
It's easy to blame the newcomer for their lack of urgency and committment, but are they being told this truth.
I could take you to meetings where they don't go along this line at all. The newcomer is told:
Easy does it
It's not a race
One step a year
Take what you like and leave the rest
It's only a suggested program
There are no musts in AA
There is the story of young Will who did everything that was asked of him willingly but was constantly told he was not ready for step 4. At two years sober he took his own life. He didn't have two years to get the steps done, but the people around him insisted that he should take his time.
Is it the newcomer who is dragging the chain, or do we let them down by not telling them, lovingly but firmly, the truth of what they need to do to recover? Where is the real denial?
Alcoholics Anonymous, the story of how thousands of men and women recovered from alcoholism. I have always told people that If you want to recover, use the plan laid out in the book. It works.
Now this sounds more like the truth.
It's easy to blame the newcomer for their lack of urgency and committment, but are they being told this truth.
I could take you to meetings where they don't go along this line at all. The newcomer is told:
Easy does it
It's not a race
One step a year
Take what you like and leave the rest
It's only a suggested program
There are no musts in AA
There is the story of young Will who did everything that was asked of him willingly but was constantly told he was not ready for step 4. At two years sober he took his own life. He didn't have two years to get the steps done, but the people around him insisted that he should take his time.
Is it the newcomer who is dragging the chain, or do we let them down by not telling them, lovingly but firmly, the truth of what they need to do to recover? Where is the real denial?
God bless,
MikeH.
You bring up many thought provoking points. I like to read the stories of the people in the bak of the book. I have shared the idea of reading one nightly with newcomers when asked how I do things. Some of the stories of the old timers give the feeling they did not take one month per step.
And then The Perfectionist... I want to do this right, so I will take 3 months to perfectly do each step! Ha! I dreaded the inventory... I dreaded making amends... I did not want to get all close to God.... But my sponsor reminded me I needed to move forward. Was I serious? Was I willing to do the tough work to save my own ass?
He was a Big Book Thumper as they say these says. I needed that. I was one of those of drunk that would lie, cheat,or steal, to keep drinking. Not that any fine citizens here would do that.
__________________
"I spent a lifetime in hell and it only took me twelve steps to get to heaven."
"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you."
