When I started making my 8th Step list, an incredible amount of fear welled up in me. My heart started pounding, my palms were sweating, and I felt feverish. I put it down and said, "What the hell is going on here?"
I didn't have that reaction with its close cousin, the 4th Step. I could wrap my brain around the idea of confessing my defects to someone else, but the prospect of going around and making amends scared me tremendously.
I knew had work to do!
-- Edited by Q on Sunday 25th of August 2013 08:05:06 PM
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
Great post, Tasha. I particularly like the part about 'having the right attitude'. It reminds me of the amends I made to my first wife, difficult as it was. I walked right up to her door and said, without hesitating of course, Guess what? She said what? I'm an alcoholic. Her reply: No...really? Then she slammed the door in my face. I guess that approach didn't work. Well, at least I made the amends. Was I Heartbroken? Yes, but I'll get over it. I saw what had to be done and did it, despite my bruised ego. I finally realized the importance behind step 8 and what the word 'amends' actually means: It helps 'us' move on. I hope it helps others too.
So I guess you're right, then: When it comes to 'adopting a certain attitude' there are a few trick we need to learn, first. It will help make the rest of our amends that much easier. Well, maybe not my first wife. Yes, I still have issues, but remember it's about progress today not perfection. Which reminds me, does anyone have a spare broom they can lend me? I hear "Halloween" is just around the corner, and I hear my first wife needs a good vehicle. I know, tenth step. Funny, though...
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 1st of September 2013 02:34:40 PM
The Eighth Step is talking about a change of heart, a healing change.
This attitude can begin a great chain of repair and healing in our relationships with others and ourselves. It means we become willing to let go of our hard heartedness - one of the greatest blocks to our ability to give and receive love.
In the Eighth Step, we make a list of all people we have harmed, and we allow ourselves to experience a healing attitude toward them. It is an attitude of love.
We do not, in this Step, dash madly about and begin yelling, "Sorry!" We make our list, not to feel guilty, but to facilitate healing. Before we actually make amends or begin to consider appropriate amends, we allow ourselves to change our attitude. That is where healing begins - within us.
It can change the energy. It can change the dynamics. It can begin the process, before we ever open our mouths and say sorry.
It opens the door to love. It opens the door to the energy of love and healing. It enables us to release negative feelings and energy, and opens the door to positive feelings and energy.
That energy can be felt around the world, and it starts inside us.
How often have we, after we have been hurt, wished that the person would simply recognize our pain and say, "I'm sorry?" How often have we wished that the person would simply see us, hear us, and turn the energy of love our way? How often have we longed for at least a change of heart, a small dose of reconciliation, in relationships tainted by unfinished business and bad feelings? Often.
Others do too. It is no secret. The energy of healing begins with us. Our willingness to make amends may or may not benefit the other person; he or she may or may not be willing to put matters to rest.
Another great post Tasha, ... I was getting ready to compliment you on such a wise and insightful post when I read it was from Melody Beattie ... your writings are very much like hers ... I couldn't tell the difference until you gave her the credit at the end ... wow ... thanks for posting this ... good stuff ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Great share Mr David, ... as a matter of fact, while cleaning up the house and packing to move, I DID come across an extra 'BROOM' ... be happy to give it to you ... LOL
