So I admit to being a workaholic, but i'm not sure if my habits for the past two years is alcoholism or if a preceptor to a future problem. I typically work a 10-12 hr day and when I come home I like to enjoy a bottle of wine or up to six beers. It's hard to get excited about cooking dinner at 8:00 at night.
I have never drank before going to work or found it necessary to drink during the day. However I'm concerned that even though I recognize the nightly beer or wine is preventing me from losing weight (I weigh 240#) I have not broken this habit for more than a month over the past two years.
When going out with my S.O. I am usually the DD and stay content with tonic and lime. But when dining in on the weekends with her we both imbibe but neither of us get silly. In fact I find it distasteful being around her or friends who get loud or obnoxious when they've had more than a social amount.
So how does one gage when a support group is necessary?
i decided to broach this subject while at the doctor today for a simple mole removal. I walked away with a script for antabuse and a sleep study. My thoughts are if I know there are unacceptable consequences to consuming alcohol, I will abstain. But if we fast forward to December, I'd like to be able to drink socially at parties.
Does admitting to being unhappy with my past inability of abstaining and not wanting to make a total commitment mean I'm on a ruinous road?
"In the preceding chapters you have learned something of alcoholism. We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the nonalcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer."
The above is from the Book Alcoholics Anonymous. It might be worth getting a copy and reading the first few chapters to see if it fits with your experience.
"Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.
Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason - ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor - becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.
But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.
Here is the fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around. Yet early next morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before. If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. As matters grow worse, he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. Then comes the day when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative with which to taper off. Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums.
This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly."
Welcome to MIP Kellycat, ... Pay attention to what Fyne Spirit posted ...
We cannot determine if you're alcoholic or not, only you can do that ... but we do know of a solution to your drinking habit if you feel it's a real problem ... I'd like to hear and know more about you and if you have any questions, feel free to ask ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hey Kelly. It astounds me that you're looking into your drinking in this way - from the description of your drinking.
I was so good at minimizing everything to others, that I started to believe it myself... and that of course led to years of more drinking. I did this in all sorts of ways... keeping a neat and clean house, looking very put together and dressing very nice, having a nice car, a name brand purse, expensive organic wine, imported beer, finding others who drank a lot and comparing myself so I could continue to convince myself that I was not that bad etc etc.
Eventually - bottom comes. In our AA big book - it talks about making room for folks with a 'higher bottom'. I had myself convinced I was one of these for a long time. Today I know that I am a real alcoholic, and can say that out loud and honestly. It took practice and patience and willingness to listen to the stories that others shared in the rooms.
I really enjoy listening to 'speakers'. You can download them and listen and see what you think. There is a link above where people have written their stories out, and there are also links to speakers that have recorded their hour long story verbally. I loved seeing them in person - and still do show up to a lot of 'speaker meetings' where all that is required of me is to show up, find a seat and a coffee and listen. I don't have to identify as an alcoholic or anything, they are open to the public and anyone curious about alcoholism. Professionals looking to learn - family - other alcoholics, and I think most importantly - people like you, who have discovered that something isn't right with the way they drink, but are afraid of what it might mean.
Let me assure you - it's a simple program for people of all kinds, shapes, sizes, social status and age - to live in a better way - discover healthier ways to cope with life's challenges big and small, and people to share the good times with.
All the best to you,
Tasha
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Research for me was the best step I ever took and when I took it I had already stopped drinking. I didn't know if and when I would ever go back and then after an assessment found out that if I ever did I would die. The reasons I had for not being alcoholic were not as important as the ones I had that said I was concerned. One of the studies I did was on the chemical and the body, mind, emotions and spirit. Alcohol isn't milk or root beer or orange juice...it is a mind and mood altering chemical...I have no control over it and what it does and have lots of stories about what I was like and what I did when it was in control of me. Plainly it owned me...my thoughts very very often went toward being in a relationship with it until I ended the relationship. Keep coming back.
Skimmed through a couple of chapters in the big book. Still not sure what to make of it. In the definition of alcoholism (loosely stated) I fit the first (unable to abstain for a year when I know I should) better than the second (unable to control how much I drink after the first one). At the same time I have not had a major issue recently that would make me feel like I'm heading for a bottom. Back in 96 I had a DUI after matching drinks with the boss. No injuries or law suits, I just learned not to drink and drive from that and abstained for a while while I evaluated my character. Spending a sleepless night in jail with daddy rapers (or whatever) and a stopped up toilet in the holding cell is great for reflection. I don't hide that and actually discuss it openly with any friends I see who look like they would make the same mistake. No sense risking your life or that of others or finance stability when you can catch a ride home or just stay over (if I'm hosting a party).
My biggest concern is whether my memory is being affected by 2-6 beers a night at home or if its just normal aging in (50+). I know my parents separated when I was about 4 due to my fathers drinking problems. The only time I saw him after that was at his sisters funeral some 30 years later where he showed up intoxicated and denied having children. I refused to confront him out of respect to my uncle and cousins. We never met again and he died maybe 15 years later. So, I know I may be at risk due to genetics. I'm well educated (masters degree). I know the beer isn't good for me, but its convenient for relaxing after work. I also know my married employees would catch the devil if they consumed two or more beers every night. I also know that if I spent the time cleaning house or working in the yard, I'd be farther ahead.
I'd characterize myself as a moderate drinker who is worried that if I don't make a change soon it could lead to alcoholism but at the same time that sounds like denial. I also consider that since my goal is not total abstinence I probably shouldn't attend a meeting for a grace of god there go I sanity check. I respect the AA organization and the good it has done and I hope this note does not offend anyone.
I think for now I will wait till after labor day to start the antabuse (not willing to start when there is a lot of temptation from friends). I hope using it as a threat will prevent me from drinking for 90 days. The question after that is if I try to be a social drinker (having some wine while hosting a holiday party) will I be able to stay sober after the new year. If not, what constitutes reaching bottom.
I'll continue to do some reading based upon recommendations and hope if I have questions my current lack of total commitment will not offend or prevent feedback from the membership. However if this is unacceptable, just let me know and I'll go away.
The only requirement for membership to AA is the desire to stop drinking. You are thinking about having that desire (maybe). No one would turn you away (I hope). This is an inclusive group here - as it is not actually AA, but just a discussion board full of AA members. I came here first too. I quickly learned all I needed to know through my own drinking though... and stayed. I do hope you'll consider this a safe place to figure things out. Thanks for the post - I'm really impressed by your awareness.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Hello once again Kellycat, ... I love your 'total honesty' here ... if you were to come to AA to learn of and work the solution to alcoholism, then you'd be accepted with open arms ... as Tasha pointed out, the only requirement for membership, is a 'desire' to stop drinking ...
Maybe you are just a 'moderate-to-heavy' drinker, only you can determine if 'it' controls you rather than 'you' controlling it ... ... ... if you find yourself thinking of drinking often during the day, and can't wait to get home, or to a bar, to get your fix, then you may have a problem ... 'self-will' or 'self-control' will not be your solution if you indeed have a problem, they are useless when trying to control the 'amount' we drink when we drink ... ... ...
Be very cautious with antabuse, it can cause death if you drink with that stuff in your system ... you will become 'violently' ill if you take that and drink ... I think it's fairly rare to prescribe that stuff anymore, I could be wrong ... please keep us 'up-to-date' with your experience with it ... (I think you can drink a little and not die from it, but I have heard it will make you sick, and if you drink a lot with antabuse, it can kill) ... just what I've heard ... I really don't know ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
" My biggest concern is whether my memory is being affected by 2-6 beers a night at home or if its just normal aging in (50+). I'd characterize myself as a moderate drinker"
That's exactly where I was. at 40, it was killing me. But still, it's your determination, not ours. How often is it really just 2?
You sound a lot like the hard drinker, someone who can stop or moderate given sufficient reason. They may need medical treatment (antabuse) and possibly some counselling, but they can do it. You are concerned about your health and memory, perhaps that will provide sufficient motive to stop. The only way to find out is to have a go at stopping. If you are successful, you are not one of us. If the problem persists and gets worse, you may have to explore a spiritual solution.
I just need to correct something said earlier. Our short version of the 3rd tradition states that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking... which can lead people to believe you don't have to be an alcoholic to be an AA member.
The long version states 'Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought AA membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an AA group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.
Tradition 5 states Each Alcoholics Anonymous group ought to be a spiritual entity having but one primary purpose - that of carrying its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
While these make it clear that AA membership can never be offered to non-alcoholics, part of the message is a clear diagnosis of alcholism. Because of this attendance at AA meetings is usually open to anyone trying to find out if they are alcoholic or not.
You could pop along to a few open AA meetings and see if you can get a better idea by listening to some alcoholics.
I don't think about drinking at all during the (work) day. I tend to be very focused at the office. So focused that its a problem for me to remember to take the time to make a personal call such as scheduling a sleep study. I got home from work about 9:15 tonight.
The only time I debate on if to or what to drink would be on the the 15 mile drive home from the office and if I know there is nothing at home. Tonight I passed by the local party store. Had I stopped I would have bought a 12 pack. As to how much I drink every night, that depends on when I get home. At 9:00 that might be 2 beers. At 7:00 it would be 5 or 6. I don't need to slam them to be happy and when bed time comes around (10:00) I have no issue walking away from an open 12 pack. If i come home and focus on working on my motorcycle or project car, then i may open a beer and it sits around half consumed for an hour until I finish what i'm working on. This behavior has been going on for about the last three years. Weekends I consume about 6- 8 beers each day starting around noon. Crack a beer open and start washing the boat. Have maybe 3 more while taking friends out on the lake and another three or four from 5:00 - 10 pm while I cook for friends, eat dinner and watch a movie.
Tonight I had none, but the drive past the store was tempting...
Kellycat, for me the amount one is drinking can be irrelevant or can be secondary to the effect it has on you/the extent to which it is having a negative effect on your life. I wasn't always an everyday drinker. Just something to think about.
From my research (yes college to learn about what exactly it was that owned me) alcohol doesn't need to get into your stomach and then other organs and then blood stream to start its work. At the time of my studies it was the only known chemical that would go from my mouth to my CNS (central nervous system) right thru my blood brain barrier. Aha!! I realized no wonder my shoulders drop in submission on the first gulp. I use to challenge other drinkers to keep their shoulders tense after that first gulp...No successes that I know. I also found out that "it" alcohol heads for and gets to every other organ in my body very quickly and that it is diuretic...it doesn't quench thirst...it causes it!! Well now is that why I can drink one orange soda and never just one beer or one shot or one any alcohol thingy...It is also anesthetic and this is the one where it gets the nervous system to relax and go to sleep and that includes the brain...it causes dimentia also called the drunks. I've know lots of Masters Degrees and PHds who have been taken down by alcohol and alcoholism. I had to know bad because my metabolism system was abnormal and I could and would drink right into toxic shock without even an indication that it was coming. Anesthetic...Synergistic...often fatal. It doesn't care that you have a degree at all...this is a non-biased disease and while it may bruise an Asian faster and harder it always bruises and harms anyone and everyone who it controls. You're where you ae supposed to be...questioning and justifying. You are saying you have a problem and don't know how much of a problem...alot of us who have arrested the disease before it killed us didn't know how close we had come except those who did hard research. I've been in toxic shock 3 time and only became aware of it after I quit drinking and fulfilled a medical assessment. My skin color was a squallor, a yellowish/greenish hue for 5 years after I stopped drinking and then it returned to my normal tax. My justification during alll my drinking years was either that Jaundice still haunted me or that my Portugese Catholic mother had an affair with an Oriental while my father was in the tuberculosis hospital. I am also tuberculic and one of the sources of that is alcoholism...causing underdeveloped pulmonary systems. Do the research and then do the right thing with the information. My family of origin who I often drank with use to tell me "you cannot be an alcoholic because you can drink so much and not drop"...reference to that statement is on the assessment questionaire.
So I wasn't sure my self either. I had completely stopped drinking for 9 years before getting into AA...I was in the other room because my life was totally dedicated to drinking and drinkers and users. 9 years before my Higher Power suggested I take the same assessment I just got thru giving to a new patient heading for inpatient treatment in the Hospital I counseled with. So I did the assessment for the very first time for myself...open and honest just like you have been here. I didn't put my name on it and took it over to the adult section of the rehab. When the assessment was reviewed by the inpatient nurse...she came out and told me, "Whoever this assessment belongs to must be in inpatient care immediately or the next time they drink they die". She by the way was the same nurse that told me my colored skin wasn't jaundice. So I had the final statement and I had to do the right thing which came the next Friday. I sat in the corner in the dark at the Alano Club, away from everyone else in the room because I knew most of them personally from my practice and after they all identified as we do in the room...HI I am (so and so) and I am an alcoholic, it came to me and I couldn't talk...nay I wouldn't talk and so those lovely assets of my Higher Power went silent and held their silence until I to identified. Hi my name is Jerry F and I am alcoholic. I have a life threatening disease and I need this program of awareness and recovery and experience, strength and hope in order to get and keep sober; one more day.
Today I am sure...I am alcoholic. Outside of our meetings no one else knows or can tell.
Stay not sure Kc...and do your research. Good to have you here.
