At a meeting last night I was reminded of the bumpy ride I had in early sobriety before I took the steps.
If you were plotting my spritual condition during this time it would have looked much like a saw blade. The tip would be the end of a meeting, the high point, feeling good, then my condition would decline down the back of the tooth until I hit the vertical face of the next tooth (my next meeting) and then I would rise rapidly to the tip again.
It occurs to me that I was trying to stay sober on human aid, relying on my fellow AAs to correct my behaviour in a way. When I wasn't with them I went down hill fast. The problem was untreated alcoholism. I (unknowingly) continued with many old character traits away from the meetings, and this poor behaviour led me in to conflict, both internal and external, almost continually.
Then I took the steps, had my spiritual awakening, and began trying to practice these principles in all my affairs. The result of living in steps 10, 11, and 12 has been that my spiritual condition no longer resembles a saw blade, it's more like a straight knife with the cutting edge intersecting the high points of the sawblade. What I mean is today, that feeling I once could only get at a meeting, is with me nearly all the time. I rarely have an off day. It is my behaviour between meetings, when away from the fellowship, that determines what state I will be in at my next meeting.
Today I go to meetings because I feel much like Dr Bob. It's a pleasure, I don't have that sawtooth gun to my head.
Sadly, the reminder came from someone with quite a long time up in sawtooth sobriety who is now hitting the wall. He was sucked in by the idea that he could "take what he liked and leave the rest", when in fact he is discovering "half measures availed us nothing".
God bless
MikeH
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Tuesday 20th of August 2013 08:38:23 PM
The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
HOly crap - I just had an experience exactly like this tonight at my meeting = and I also could have written this entire post word for word. My experience exactly. Thanks, I guess I do belong here again today. I can't wait to see in what way I will belong tomorrow, but for now... for today - I'm so thrilled I got another one. Good night!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
"We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not".
They couldn't have been more clear about this in "How It Works". I always cringe when I hear that...Take what you want and leave the rest.....Or...Don't drink and go to meetings. It's my opinion the success rate for AA was so much better in the earlier days...For the fact that there were no meetings to rely on for "sobriety". They relied on the book....The path....The steps.....The solution.
I love meetings....But I try to keep the message I carry there to one thing. These steps work.
And Stepchild, I agree. The steps are what works, the book is clear. The instructions are there. I certainly didn't always like it or understand it or feel comfortable in it, but it is what has kept me and a whole lot of other people sober.
