My Name is Craig.  I'm beginning a new path of recovery and stepping off my latest plateau to begin climbing again.  I've pretty much decided I don't like my mindset around alcohol.  Its time to seek the change I want to be instead of the person I've become.

Reasons why:  1. Seeing alcohol as my only way to relax by myself, with family, with friends, or in any other way.  2. Seeing alcohol as a reward for 'job well done'.  3. Using alcohol as a 'pain killer' instead of deciding not to do those things that create so much pain. 4.Using the excuse that it is a depressant and I need it to counter the caffeine I drank at 5pm so I can sleep.  5. Claiming that I can handle just a little bit...and go on to drinking till I can't stand up.  6. Thinking that I can handle a 'light buzz' and live and drive and strive perfectly fine when each aspect only proves I'm an arse. 7. Running away from emotions and/or strife instead of choosing to feel and be.

Its a beginning.  The things I want to change.  I know I can't do it by myself, I know my higher power can, and I've let him/her/it work for me before...I think I will this time  too.

I don't know if this the best place to stay current in, or not.  If ya have a better forum let me know.  But for now I see a lot of wisdom, experience, strength and hope here. 

thanks for your ear...

ps...#2 was really pushing my buttons tonight.  I got a new 'used' bike for $15 at a thrift store for my daughter.  I figured and twiddled and fixed until its practically new and she rewarded me with a hug.  And it wasn't enough for my alcoholic.  My alcoholic wanted a drink to celebrate a good evening...#2.