Hi mandm, ... I don't think there are many of us that haven't had trouble when recalling our past ... I guess it's got something to do with growing a 'conscience' when we get sober ... I went through a lot of remorse and guilt dealing with steps 4 thru 9 as Q so aptly pointed out ... this is where we start separating the men from the boys, as they say ... making a 'soul searching' inventory then following up later with an amends program is nerve racking at best, and it will definitely bring to light, the type person you have been ... but this all lets us know where we need to change and how ... very important stuff here ...
I heard it said one time, that if a beautiful piece of wood was set up in honor of your birth, and the ritual was for you, as you grew up, to hammer a nail into this piece of wood every time you lied, cheated, stole, or otherwise did something immoral, then comes the day you want to change your ways and do what is essentially steps 5 thru 9, then you're permitted to remove all those nails from your piece of wood ... and the son says to the father, look, there are holes now where all the nails were, and the father says, yes, those are the 'scars' left from your past ... and they serve as a reminder for you to stay on the right path ...
The past is just that, the past ... it cannot be changed, ever ... but we can learn from it and then live for today ... but in order to do that with peace and serenity, we must forgive ourselves ... I've got more on that if you should be interested ...
God Bless, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Monday 19th of August 2013 10:38:29 PM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I've been finding myself feeling alot of resentment lately, not able to get over the people that I have hurt including myself. I've been writing a bit in a journal to help me get into the right head space , I found this nice image/quote and I thought I would share if anyone is experiencing the same thoughts
Have you worked the middle steps? Four through nine?
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
Often times before I started using my supreme sponsorship I would judge and condemn myself wholefully worse than even my victims would. Ours is a loving fellowship and we have a disease. It is not a moral issue and we come to understand where back then we had no idea or the experiences of others which now bring us to awareness. Pain is natural...suffering optional is somewhat I heard back then and so I got off of the self fagellation I often used which interfered with the work. My past has been exposed and made a part of the process of my recovery. By the way I was taught I also had to count the good that I did in my past...sobriety is balance.
Thank you Dave! " Remember the line from the Promises - we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. This is one of the results of working step nine. "
Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help another Alcoholic recover from Alcoholism. I've found the above Promise provides us with the opportunity to help others because our experience in many cases matches the one's that enter the halls behind us. By not shutting the door on the past "no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others(another Promise)." Our experience can help others when no one else can because we've been there. We've been in there shoes.
-- Edited by Mike B. on Tuesday 20th of August 2013 02:38:05 PM
This was the topic at the noon meeting today. The best thing I heard was that we used to be like this and people would throw it in our face so to tell them, yes - I was, but I'm not anymore - and I've forgiven myself for that.
Course - you have to do the work to forgive yourself - the steps with a sponsor - having a loving HP who YOU KNOW isn't hoping you tear yourself up. It's a behavior to do the negative self talk, so think of something else. There is no use wasting another perfectly good moment acting like a jerk to yourself when you know darn well you wouldn't treat other people that bad - and your HP sure doesn't want you to do it to you either. You wouldn't want anyone you LOVE to do that to themselves... so learn to love yourself by doing the next right thing one day at a time and keep coming back. Retrain your brain. It's possible. Dean told me that, and it gave me hope that I could be a new person. Not the person once lost... but a new one. This program offers a NEW freedom, and a NEW happiness - if we work for it. Your brain is doing what it does on Auto. If they take away the stop sign at the end of your street, you'll likely take time to get your brain to not just automatically start making you slow down there. But eventually it learns. Retrain your brain.
For me it's as simple as acknowledging that not every thing I think is true - especially the crap I throw at myself - the unhealthy diseased thinking - and so I just refuse to believe it and think of something else. I actually had a 'go to' thought for a long time. It was clover fields.
Keep coming back Murray,
XXXXX
-- Edited by justadrunk on Tuesday 20th of August 2013 04:10:03 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
interesting thoughts, yeah I'm working through it, it only really bothers when people that now my history bring it up. Its kind of like a trump card, well you used to be like that I can't say no.
interesting thoughts, yeah I'm working through it, it only really bothers when people that now my history bring it up. Its kind of like a trump card, well you used to be like that I can't say no.
I know that feeling very well - when I first got sober, everybody was taking my inventory. Well, I guess they had a right to - I had done a LOT of selfish, self-serving things. That taught me a lot of humility though, and I realized that if was going to change, I had better undertake the housecleaning in the middle steps. I learned that being dry didn't make me any less of an asshole. If I wanted to be free of fear, resentment, and remorse, I had to really work the program.
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
interesting thoughts, yeah I'm working through it, it only really bothers when people that now my history bring it up. Its kind of like a trump card, well you used to be like that I can't say no.
Hey mandm, ... Q had a really great response, but I wanted to add, the fact is I lost any amount of 'TRUST' from family and friends when I hit my low ... then after sobering up, I kept getting reminded of my failings when something of importance was sent my way ... there is absolutely NO way to regain 'trust' overnite ... ... ... only after a year or two, did my family and friends start thinking that I was, indeed, taking the AA program seriously and that I may be trusted with certain responsibilities again ... All I can say is work the program diligently and be patient, cause your actions will speak for themself ... Trust has to be earned, typically, just like taking on a new job, you aren't given too much responsibility until you have proven yourself ... and that takes time ...
AND, as time passes, these 'reminders' you're getting now from others will simply disappear ... provided you work our simple program ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Some real good stuff in this tread. After completing The Steps and working 10-12 on a daily basis and getting some solid recovery time under my belt, my past took up less space in my head. I learned everyone has a PAST. Mine involved a selfish, self centered diesase which I used alcohol to manage. There was wreckage. But by the Grace of God and AA, I was able to leave it behind me and be grateful because it got me to where I'm at today. My attitude changed to an attitude of gratitude(one of The Promises). I have a life today, my life. I didn't back then. I was held hostage by Alcoholism. I also learned the more I stayed sober the more people supported me in my new life style. The one's that didn't, don't matter to me. The one's that did, lean on me now in times of need. Imagine that, I can be useful today. The other important thing for me was: action is more reassuring than words. Daily Amends(change) are very powerful in changing our attitude and the attitudes of those around us.
interesting thoughts, yeah I'm working through it, it only really bothers when people that now my history bring it up. Its kind of like a trump card, well you used to be like that I can't say no.
Yes, but as we put more 'distance' between us and that past, both in terms of time, and in terms of how we act TODAY, and how different that is from the way we used to act in the past, something begins to happen... The past doesn't change, but we get perspective. As we work the steps, especially 8 & 9, we clean up our wreckage and continue to live life on different terms, with different behavior and different reactions that don't repeat the past. And this allows us to look at the past, see it for what it was, and instead of feeling shame, regret, or resentment, we feel gratitude for how our lives have changed, and for the fact that we don't ever have to live like that again.
And often, this change in ourselves brings about changes in those around us as well. Making our amends (not just apologies, but amends, and setting things right) can often result in those who are close to us gaining that same sense of perspective and that same gratitude for how we have changed.
But of course, there's no guarantee that us working the steps will change other people, and that's not why we work the steps. We do it so that we can live sober comfortably, without those old resentments and regrets and shame, truly recovering from alcoholism as opposed to just not drinking by 'white knuckling' it. Remember the line from the Promises - we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. This is one of the results of working step nine. I hope this helps.
Good points, not to many people bring it up. Not very many people knew I had a problem. I didn't go out an publically say I was in AA or anything but a few people close to me ask it drops you back for a second sometimes, my one friend I ran into the other day said to me I guess we are going for coffee since your dry now? he could have put it differntly.
All and all I am feeling great being around 4 or 5 months sober now. I think at first I thought being sober was going to be some magic pill to success in other areas of my personal life, but its funny it turned around on me where now i'm thinking why did I and I should have done things differn't. but your right Tasha retraining your brain is important.
Through working the steps my past, an absolute liablility when I came in, was miraculously turned into an asset. "I can see how my experience can help others" "We will not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it" Who'd have believed it?
Ofcourse, pre the steps, my past was one massive liability which could bring my sobriety crashing down at any moment.
Deep down, I know I wasted many years of my life. It took many years of beating my head on a brick wall to figure out it hurts and o stop.
After making amends to others, made amends to myself. I don't act like it never happened or as if it is a story. It happened, it is what I do. I destroy things when I drink, and I need o remember that. And just one innocent cold beer after mowing the yard on a hot day, what could that hurt? Well, it puts me right back there. My disease only wants to kill me.
For me it is about balance, regarding the past. I can relate to the new drunk stumbling in with it. I can share in my story how even a hopeless drunk like me can recover. I hope and pray I can remember going thru the winger when a stupid thought creeps in. It is my valuable past. Remarkably enough, it took ALL of that pain and destruction to be willing to admit I was powerless.
I hope you find the place and perspective for your valuable past. It has been a while since my last drink, it is easy to forget. But I am a lazy person, and drinking took way too much effort. Looking back at it, staying sober is the softer easier way!
Peace
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"I spent a lifetime in hell and it only took me twelve steps to get to heaven."
"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you."
Great thread...Seems to be a common theme here....The steps.
Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and keep you - until then.
BB pg 164
There are two fellowships in AA...The steps will take you into the Fellowship of the Spirit. I hope you'll join us.
