1. What must an alcoholic do that goes against natural instinct? (Pg. 21)

Admit defeat and personal powerlessness.

My reflection...

About a year before I joined AA, I had to admit to myself that I had a drinking problem. I knew social drinkers didn't imbibe as much alcohol as I did in a day, every day. I tried to taper off, but it never worked. Having one or two drinks just pissed me off, and I had to keep going once I started.

So I tried quitting "cold turkey" and I managed it for short periods of time: a week here, a week there. But I would always "reward" myself by drinking again, and my illness progressed very rapidly at that point. I think the illness itself was angry at me for not feeding it the booze (if such a thing is possible). It would come back with a vengeance every time.

I enrolled myself in an outpatient treatment program at Boston Medical Center, but that didn't work either - in fact it was a miserable failure. The program itself bears some blame for that, because it was merely an elaborate scheme to get me to avoid the people, places, and things that "made" me drink. I learned the truth later in AA: I drank because I was an alcoholic, plain and simple. But I was also at fault in this case, because I was completely dishonest about my drinking. Perhaps they may have been able to help me if I had been truthful.

When I entered the rooms of AA and read the First Step, I began to understand exactly why nothing worked. My willpower was useless, and yes, I did have to admit that I was powerless over alcohol. It had me licked. I don't think I would have been able to make that admission if I hadn't tried a variety of ways to abstain myself. My failure made the First Step possible for me, and it was the beginning of my spiritual solution.