The center does not hold

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

The center does not hold

Frodo · MIP Old Timer

And things fall apart.

Thank you everyone for everything - good, bad and ugly. You are better people than I ever thought I'd meet, and better people than I deserved to meet.

But there is a bit in me that wont allow me to be sober and nice. I'm just not wired that way. I wish it wasn't so, but I am what I am, and now I have to go away.

I send you all my love and good karma to parcel out as you see fit.

And if you want to take something from my time here it's that life is beautiful. It really is. And that's why I must go before I slide away down that rabbit hole and forget that.

XXX

Senior Member

So your choice is suffering and death? Let's be absolutely clear about one thing: this is a fatal illness. You've decided to go to your grave.

That thing that doesn't let you be sober and nice is called alcoholism. We all have it.

The remedy is the 12 Steps. Have you actually worked the steps? Why not give it a chance before you give up?

I posted a thread on the Doctor's Opinion in this forum - it's the start of working on Step 1. Why not read the chapter and answer the questions?

aa.activeboard.com/t54565865/the-doctors-opinion-study-questions/

I'll help you work the steps - so will others on this forum. Don't give up yet.

gonee · MIP Old Timer

Frodo, I can only share my experience, strength and hope with you. That's what was offered to me and I took it and tried to work it as best as possible. I have to thank many people who willing to share with me and help me during my frailties. By God's grace offered to me through the 12 steps, I am still here sober and sane.
" And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone--even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically." BB pg 84.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Hey Frodo, ... None of us were wired the way you describe, when we realized this, we had to seek change ... and without this change, we would be doing the same thing you're talking about here ...

Hey man, 'let go' and let this program assist you with the change that will make your life worth living AND as an added benefit, the lives of those around you will improve as well ... We try to teach others that our program is 'simple', not always easy .... you're talking of taking the easier path ... and you should know by now, that what you're talking about is the path of great pain and suffering ...

It's a choice man ... it's not that you cannot do it our way ... you simply need some strength and the desire to do it ... and that is readily available through your 'higher power' ... He/She is right there beside you and always will be, you need but call out for help and you'll have it ...

Love ya man and God Bless,
Pappy

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

We care about you Frodo - and love you in a very special way that only we as alcoholics can love each other. You're our family now... nothing can ever change that. We'll be happy to see you back later today or when ever you feel that love. If your Elizabeth walked away and said good bye - you would hope that she would know you love her so much that she was welcome to change her mind and turn right around and come back right now, or when ever. But each person makes their own choices. We're hoping you make the one that shows us your ready to accept this love. You have to accept it. We can't prove it to you until you LET us. Your HP is here inside all of us waiting to love you ALWAYS and forever. The light is always on.

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Frodo...I've always been intrigued by the choice of that name from the first time I saw it on this board. It is so unique that it expecially catches my attention and I guess it might be because I am diagnosed as a multi (personality that is). I was wired that way and now not because I have the choices about who I will be at anyone period of time. I have been mentored by some very magical elders in this program...some on this board even who have allowed me to listen and watch different and then be different myself to leave that other personality inside and idle and to keep practicing my "chosen self". Its all choice...the wires can be snipped and then reconnected to other places in my circuitry so that the machine is more compatable to the life I'd like to have. God don't make no junk and nothing in God's world happens by accident.

Change your attitude...your perspective and ask this about your self description..."Could I be wrong"? That one comes from my early mentors...play with the possibility of it in your mind and come back and ask the question again. Take it to a meeting and listen for the responses...Ask it on this board and see what comes back at you.

From me...not only do I think you can be wrong in your self perception and from my experience? most likely you are. Practice coming back. (((hugs))) smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 7th of August 2013 09:09:27 PM

Ironman · Senior Member

It's posts like this, meeting stories and images like this one that help me STAY connected to the circle of recovering Alcoholics, Sponsors and God. It has to be lived and not questioned or fought. The nasty voice in our head is always in the gym growing stronger. We do what we must, and this one has decided to stick and I hope you will as well.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Q wrote:

The remedy is the 12 Steps. Have you actually worked the steps? Why not give it a chance before you give up?

I was curious about this too...Rarely have we seen...And all that.

Sending you prayers for willingness Frodo.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

What a powerful pic Ironman ...

nezyb · Senior Member

Frodo, will keep you in prayer. The picture you posted Ironman, the girl in the front boat. That was me. Exactly me. Two years ago. I must never forget.

Senior Member

A beautiful and disturbing image, Ironman. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and that one certainly sums up the plight of the drinking alcoholic.

Ironman · Senior Member

Today at our 11:30 meeting a woman was escorted in by another woman. She was a wreck, reeking of booze, crying and cried harder while she listened to the shares, then had to leave. She only experienced maybe 8 minutes in the environment toward the end of the meeting, one lady followed her out and stayed with her. After the meeting when everyone came out she left abruptly without saying a word, and our helper tried to call her back but she just walked off without saying a word. It reminds me that it will NEVER be better under the influence, and that we are all the same, but the only difference is what we do with the choice of AA and living in the steps. I see myself in them and know exactly how they feel yet sometimes they won't let others alcoholics help them. Shameful pride keeps us in the bottle.

Senior Member

Shameful pride, to be sure, but also fear. The thought of living without alcohol was once terrifying to me.

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

What does it mean to slide down that rabbit hole anyway???

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

Frodo wrote:
And things fall apart.
Thank you everyone for everything - good, bad and ugly. You are better people than I ever thought I'd meet, and better people than I deserved to meet.
But there is a bit in me that wont allow me to be sober and nice. I'm just not wired that way. I wish it wasn't so, but I am what I am, and now I have to go away
I send you all my love and good karma to parcel out as you see fit.
And if you want to take something from my time here it's that life is beautiful. It really is. And that's why I must go before I slide away down that rabbit hole and forget that.

More than Comfort

When I am feeling depressed, I repeat to myself statements such as these: "Pain is the touchstone of progress." . . . "Fear no evil." . . . "This, too, will pass." . . . "This experience can be turned to benefit."

These fragments of prayer bring far more than mere comfort. They keep me on the track of right acceptance; they break up my compulsive themes of guilt, depression, rebellion, and pride; and sometimes they endow me with the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1962