Good afternoon! I am new to this. I had decided to quit drinking 13 days ago, because thing had become completely out of control. My kids witnessed me completely trashed a few times, and I feel terrible about it. I'm not even sure what their awareness is, i.e. if they knew I was drunk, but I suspect the older ones know. My kids are 14, 13 and 9, and I am wondering how much I should share with them about my decision if anything. One of my fears is that they may say something to their father, but I also don't want to put them in the position of keeping a secret. Anyway, any feedback would be much appreciated!
Honesty is good. If you were allergic to Strawberry's you'd be honest right? Well you're allergic to alcohol. Let them know that if you understand exactly what that means. If you don't... stick around... keep coming back.
Welcome to MIP. Glad you're here. I'm a mom too. Motherhood doesn't cure alcoholism. I have told my 4 & 6 yr old this week finally. Its been over a year for me... and I'm ready and they had questions do I answered them honestly.
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I was honest with my son my first trip to rehab ... he was 14 at the time ... I'm afraid I didn't stay sober very long that time (some do) ... I do believe in 'total honesty', but I don't know whether I did it the right way or not ... I mean I admitted I had a problem and I guess more than anything, I warned him of the dangers of drinking ... but he seemed to take it in stride even when I went back to drinking ... I know for sure I lost credibility with him and at that age, he drifted away from me ...
I don't know your family dynamics, but at least I'd try to be open about your recovery ... go to AA meetings and get involved and work the program, that's the only thing that worked to keep me sober ... and I've got a few years now ... AA was and is the solution for me to not drink ... We all needed help, we could not do this by ourselves ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Dreamer remember this is a disease a compulsion of the mind coupled with an allergy of the body. It isn't a moral issue or about good and bad. Chances are they already know you have a problem because "drunk" has been around for soooo long and from so much media that only the actors change...not the act. You sound concerned as you should be...go seek more information and support from various sources including AA and share with them some of what you find out. Your drunks also mentor so it is important to mentor the new awareness and change. Mother/drunk sources of awareness and help are as close as this board and it's fellowship. There are exact "been there, done that" members here who I have no doubt at all are able and willing to support your desire to change. For me I worked with the children of alcoholics in the past both clinically and in school districts...When they see it in a parent they know because they have seen it others too. Get more information and clean time for yourself and then talk to them...also listen to them...let them have the floor expressing their thoughts and feelings and perceptions and with an open mind listen to it all. If you have any experience living with and being affected by a parents or other elders alcoholism or addiction you will know your childrens perceptions clearly.
It's good to have you drop in and reach out for help we get to give you what has been given to us by others. AA?...go look up the hotline number for the Central Office in your town and call for a meeting list or you can check on line with AA.org and check the schedule for your area. Keep coming back...good job reaching out. ((((hugs))))
I want to thank you all for your support. I have always believed in being open and honest with my kids, but it is hard to admit to those who look up to me that I am far from perfect. So far, most people in my life really don't even know this is even a big issue for me, only my boyfriend, because most of my drinking has been done at home.
But the kids know it immediately when anything is 'different' about me. Yesterday I put on a different watch similar to the one I had before, and my son immediately noticed and said "nice new watch mom". They are so aware. When you are very aware of what you're going through and feel like you're ready to hear everything they have to say no matter how much it stings, then it will be your turn to immediately sit down and love them through this. I think that my son almost grinned his face off when I told him that it was okay that he felt what he was feeling. That it was okay that a small part of him didn't trust me. That he has nothing to be ashamed of. That it doesn't mean he's bad or doesn't love me. That I accept him exactly as he is, and will love him no matter what he's feeling or thinking.
At this point now, we've had a lot of preparatory conversations leading up to the big one. They've been getting tools from me, and as an example for over a year now. I think a HP will show you the time and way if you're willing to stick around and try some new things... make some mistakes yourself... learn to accept yourself and be gentle with yourself.
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I can only share what has happened with me. My 10 year old noticed that dad is not drinking now and well, he is happy that I stay awake longer at night and can play with him more. I have not explicitly told him that I am an alcoholic and am working on recovering and I'm not sure it is necessary at this time. At some point in the future, we'll talk about it, but for right now, I'm not expending any emotional energy worrying about it.
My 19 year old is another story. It was his words, "Man, I've seen some people drink alot of beer, but no one can put it away like you!" That stopped me in my tracks. I knew at that moment that I needed to get some help. It took me about 3 weeks to finally give in and say that I have an real problem and couldn't take care of it by myself. So I turned to AA and almost immediately, in the modern way, told my son via text message that I was working on recovery with AA. We were able to talk later during a car ride and well it was great.
I haven't had the opportunity to talk to my 22 year old son yet, but I will. And when I do, it will be at the right time.
My kids are adults now, but were 11 & 12 when I got sober. I never said anything to them directly about stopping the drink, I let my actions speak for themselves by finally being a present parent.
i've always been honest with my children (they are 15 and 10) about my drinking. they are observant and very aware of/in tune with my moods/mindset/etc., as i think most kids are with their parents. they sense when i'm anxious, they can tell if i'm serious or kidding, and they definitely know if i'm drunk or sober. over the last 5 years, they've been to countless aa meetings and are acquainted with other members, so they are no strangers to the many manifestations of alcoholism and recovery. the truth (even when ugly) is one of the foundations of our relationship, it builds trust. your decision is entirely up to you and you know what's best for your family. congratulations on your decision to get sober.
