We were matched together many generations before we ever met. Some of the details as to how it was decided we were to be married are still unclear. Most of our ancestors left little or no trace of their lives. Still, word trickled down from great great grandfather on his side, to great grandmother on my side... down down down, until finally... the words were spoken imperfectly, with a shy smile and a little bit of googly eyed grinning - and finally 'I do'.
Since then, all the traditions and genealogy has set us on a path to live out a little part of those many who are now long gone. We honored their teachings and did the only things we knew how to do. Several years went along with many of the ideals pushing against the way our bodies and minds moved seemingly with out effort. Sometimes, I would look down at my shaking hand and wonder why it was shaking, but not for long... that's just how it was.
It's clearer to me now, that sustaining any of that which seemed to come naturally - did take a lot of effort. Being awfully far from who we were meant to be in the purest form does actually take quite a lot of training and back up and validation and... well... effort.
It is much easier now to see the truth. This day in particular, I was able to love someone, trust my instincts and guts, and THEN move in new ways that feel good. Seems my heart can smile now.
For my children, they feel the chain of events breaking. They are too little to know that we have decided that arranging a marriage for them wouldn't be in their best interest.
No, now that we have been freed to chose each other on a daily basis, we are starting to know that it's better this way.
We told the little one's this morning that they didn't make it so. Even when it's out in the clouds attached to nothing, they like to hear that.
So, as the age old story is smashed and removed, and this one no longer HAS TO bump into that one, I get to hope and dream that the freedom from the bondage of self is more than that... more than I could ever know, or will get to live to see. But, I get to feel it in my heart today. I am so grateful.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Saturday 3rd of August 2013 08:47:49 AM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Thanks Tasha, ... Beautifully written ... I got the end of it, but I will have to reread a few times to try and get my simple mind wrapped around the full message you are expressing here ...
(You make me have to 'think' harder than anyone else I can think of ... LOL)
Love Ya
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Took me a couple of reads, but what I hear is this. Alcoholism has been passed on to us, perhaps through both genetics and culture through the generations. Predetermined to become "married" to alcohol long before we became active alcoholics. And now, today, through sobriety & recovery, we are trying to break that cycle. I could be way off base here, but it's what I heard.
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
((((Tasha)))) you do have a way with presenting the picture...a good way as it has many perspectives covered. I look at it and see the progressiveness in my own life today and I am glad. The progressiveness also in allowing the young one to partake in your recoveries. I can only imagine where it goes from here and get a sense of confidence that their lives have a better chance. Good on you and your husband. ((((hugs))))
