As per my previous post, spoke at a meeting last night. Was a bit nervous going in, but got my stuff together, everything went fine. I knew some of the people there, but most I did not. It was actually a very calming experience, and I felt a huge relief after all was done. It's a frieghtning feel knowing that you are going in and laying it all out on the table. But, I believe that is where the relief comes from, knowing that your are among people that will not judge you, and many have had the same experiences that you have, and that's the importance of the fellowship. I am very happy this morning, and am grateful for the experience. I could not have done it on my own, as it is with everything else. Thanks for the positive comments, and encouragement, I recommend to anyone that has the chance to speak, do so. It is such a wonderful feeling!! Peace and love to all!!
I have been asked to speak many times since turning "1" - to which I always say no.
Stage fright. I still have it. It was the first time I drank abnormally in the middle of the day. To perform on stage at college. Just to get my knees to stop clanking and my emotions to calm down.
It is hard for me to say no - but I must be gentle with myself, and allow myself time to be ready.
You have inspired me to say yes some day.
I have the patience and the faith that my day will come... but I will not force myself to overcome something that has such a deep trigger for me. That would be self sabotage. I don't have to do those types of behaviors anymore thanks to you and everyone here.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Thank you Joby for letting us know how it went ... my experience was much the way you described yours ...
And Tasha, I DO know how you feel ... stage fright has always been a part of my life, hell, I had a hard time sharing in a meeting full of 'old timers' when I was new to AA ... my heart rate jumped up and my BP went out the roof ... and after I shared, I couldn't remember much of it at all and I felt the point I was trying to make got lost in what became simple 'rambling' to me ...
Now, after the first couple years, I gained the confidence that what I was saying was from my higher power, just as I pray it will be ... my sponsor asked why I was so nervous to be a speaker? ... I told him I just was ... he said you're going to share your Experience with the AA program, right? ... I said yeah ... He said who out there knows more about your experience than you? ... I said 'no one' ... then he said if you are the most knowledgeable person in the room about the subject you're going to talk about, then who's to challenge you, or criticize you for what you share? ... I got the point and it made me feel better to know that I 'knew' what I was talking about where 'my program' was the issue ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It's a great feeling when you get out of yourself and do something like that. We had a radio broadcast meeting a couple of weeks ago and two newcomers who spoke were sensational. After the meeting they were so uplifted by the experience of trying to reach out to the still suffering alcoholic, it was amazing. To see that feeling of uselessness slip away. You and they got away from self and have now experienced first hand what that feels like. Don't you want more?
Like Pappy, when I am asked to speak I ask God to send me the words, and He always does. I used to be frightened of public speaking, but as someone said, the AA crowd are generally supportive and not judgemental. "Courage is fear that has said its prayers."
Thanks for your message. Made me feel a bit better about maybe speaking at a local meeting I frequent at the end of August. My sponsor is chairing all of them. The women I heard speak tonight was pretty awesome. I have a problem measuring up to the expectations I set for myself in my sick head. I compete with myself and others in that sick space in my brain. The outcome is usually that I suck. I know this is an area to work on since it was the focus of my four step. My sponsor told me tonight, however harsh, I am not unique. She also said that next speaker would make me feel even worse because he is really great too. I guess this is her way of saying I am going to continue to feel this way until I let go. Kathy
