I live in a building and I've noticed my neighbour is a crazy Alcoholic. I'm really not in the position to help him/ plus I really don't like him. But hes at the stage where you can see that hes going to die if he keeps it up. I have seen him ever day this week at time during the day even the morning where he is so drunk hes barely function. I want to say something to him. Oviously in a state of drunkness hes in no position to talk about it and its a waste of time, I was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation? Part of me wants to help him but part of me thinks its a lost cause. I know from my own experience I had to really want to abstain before I started to abstain.
Hes about 50 years old but he looks like hes 80 you can see the wear of alcohlism on his face skin etc.
I was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation?
Yeah....I was. This guy sounds just like me. Trust me....I didn't listen to anybody. It took repetitive ass whippings before I got it. Beaten to that state of reasonableness....Yes alcohol is the great persuader. You might want to leave a Big Book laying around where he can find it.....Take care of yourself for now.
Pick up a used Big Book and leave it in his mailbox. You never know. The name might catch his attention. I saw myself in that book....And a solution for my problem.....Something as simple as that could save this guys life....It sure couldn't hurt him any worse than what he's doing right now. It's nice that you are feeling compassion for for him...I imagine if you were still drinking you wouldn't give a damn....That's change man.
I have seen him ever day this week at time during the day even the morning where he is so drunk hes barely function. I want to say something to him.
I suggest that if he asks you for info or help, be ready to assist him with your ESH and some information about recovery.
Otherwise, I suggest you just leave him be. And you can focus on being in recovery and a member of AA. That's a big job in and of itself for someone in early sobriety.
I wouldn't be slipping him no literature. No, people don't like that.
Well I was drinking when he was drinking and didn't give a damn. Actually a few times in a state of being hungover he was a nice reminder of how 28 can turn into 50 really fast and I would look like him if I kept up my insanity of my old life style.
I wouldn't be slipping him no literature. No, people don't like that.
If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon him. Neither should the family hysterically plead with him to do anything, nor should they tell him much about you. They should wait for the end of his next drinking bout. You might place this book where he can see it in the interval.
BB Pg 90
It was good enough for them...It's good enough for me.
It's nice that you are feeling compassion for for him...I imagine if you were still drinking you wouldn't give a damn....That's change man.
You and RubyT beat me to this ... I was thinking the same thing ... wow, you can miss a lot here in a couple hours, LOL ...
I just wanted to add that you cannot in any way, REASON with a guy or gal that's drunk ... it'll never happen ... and if drunk when he finds a suggest to sober up, or a solution to (the problem you're pointing out) him, then you may very possibly light the fuse that leads to an explosive encounter ...
I think it best to try and catch him in a sober moment, while he's suffering, and simply say I know how you feel ... then say I'm grateful I don't have to go through that anymore ... THAT'S IT ... that opens the door for him to ask how you did it and if he ain't totally stupid, he'll ask you for help ... or to show him how you did it ... even with a few months sober, that will seem like a miracle to the guy ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
@pappy great advice. I ran into him in the elevator the other day, and he was telling he how he lost his wallet when he was drunk and he lost a few hundred bucks cash, he said thats it I gotta get off the booze, I said something along the lines of " one of the many reasons why I don't drink anymore"
Yes, I have dealings with a coworker of mine who has been in and out of AA for a decade. He has a pattern of relapsing while attempting to keep up the appearance of being sober. This guy and I do not really get along well, and he has repeatedly been inappropriate towards me. I have gone through every emotion in the book through my dealings with him- hatred, anger, pity, sympathy, self- righteousness. I've tried to help by being supportive, or making suggestions about his program. I have gone to meetings with him. Even though I know this man quite well, and work with him 5 nights a week there's absolutely nothing I can do for him. It took me a long time to come to this realization. He is in his late 50s, been through a few detoxes, hit many bottoms- the whole bit. Recently, I've come to empathize with him. I pray for him. This is someone I do not like- but care about because he's one of us. Now- what he did for me 2 years ago? He talked about the big book, talked about AA. It took me close to a year after he had planted the seed for me to take action against my alcoholism. The sad irony is that he was in the midst of a relapse while helping me. I don't suggest you approach this neighbor of yours in a similar manner haha. I think the big book under the door is a great idea. Sometimes planting the seed is what will be of the most help... Other times there's nothing that you can do to help. Including him in prayers can't hurt.
I didn't know that there was a solution. Even though I knew AA existed... I didn't really comprehend the fact that they offered a solution... I would have used 'cure' back then after I found out it was a disease, but before I got here, I didn't even know it was a disease.
Maybe I was really dense and that's common knowledge. Maybe he doesn't know that was he's 'got' is a common problem with a common solution. Just like if he had a cold he'd hit the sack and suck on a cough drop - you could tell him he could hit a meeting and suck down a cup of coffee with you sometime : )
Main thing is you stay sober and show him it's possible.
At my first ever meeting a lady said she was sober 22 days. I almost hit the floor!!!!!!!! HOW THE HECK DID SHE DO THAT???!!!
Maybe let him know how long you've been sober next time you see him, and how you did it. Can't hurt anything.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I wouldn't be slipping him no literature. No, people don't like that.
If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon him. Neither should the family hysterically plead with him to do anything, nor should they tell him much about you. They should wait for the end of his next drinking bout. You might place this book where he can see it in the interval.
BB Pg 90
It was good enough for them...It's good enough for me.
1. The book placing suggestion is predicated on some exhibited interest in the "prospect." A definite interest in stopping is the specifically stated context of your citation. See all of page 90.
2. There is no indication in the BB that the book placing suggestion was significantly "good enough for them." Your inference, if you're relying on p.90, is unsupported.
"If there is any indication that he wants to stop...."
"let his family or a friend ask him if he wants to quit for good....If he says yes, then his attention should be drawn to you...."
The book placement suggestion is clearly predicated on the above.
It's always better to wait for a time when the prospect actually makes a committment (even a small one) to hearing or reading something about AA.
Sometimes, when we get reeeeeallly evangelistic, we read things in a manner that suits our, well, our evangelistic tendencies. Not good. Not advisable. Wastes time. May spoil a future opportunity.
"If there is any indication that he wants to stop...."
"let his family or a friend ask him if he wants to quit for good....If he says yes, then his attention should be drawn to you...."
The book placement suggestion is clearly predicated on the above.
It's always better to wait for a time when the prospect actually makes a committment (even a small one) to hearing or reading something about AA.
Sometimes, when we get reeeeeallly evangelistic, we read things in a manner that suits our, well, our evangelistic tendencies. Not good. Not advisable. Wastes time. May spoil a future opportunity.
@pappy great advice. I ran into him in the elevator the other day, and he was telling he how he lost his wallet when he was drunk and he lost a few hundred bucks cash, he said thats it I gotta get off the booze, I said something along the lines of " one of the many reasons why I don't drink anymore"
This would be enough for me Tanin...I think I'm going to take a vacation from this place....Again. Maybe just wait till you get banned again. You are one strange bird.
Did you say "I can help you stop if you are really wanting to stop"? That was a golden moment. If he has no idea you can help, he will just think you are a guy who said "I quit drinking" and it was easy for you. Just a thought. Maybe bring it up next time and see what he says. Maybe a "still want to quit for real?" If he says yes then its also a time to relay your drunken and hopeless feeling stories so he can realize you are like him, not different like we all thought once. Then you may be able to direct him to the right meeting. If you can even get him thinking about what you say, you have still been able to pass the message.
Did you say "I can help you stop if you are really wanting to stop"?
Good stuff Ironman, assuming a decent opportunity presents itself. Leaving a "Who Me"?/44 questions brochure and a meeting schedule around was always the MO I was taught.
A lady I worked with for 8 years was a marginally functioning alcoholic. I left a brochure and schedule in a area whe I knew she would see it, it never moved after a month so I took it back to the meeting. She got fired a year later, got a job with another company fired about a year after that. Unemployed for about 6 months, her son came home and found her dead on the floor.
I don't regret the effort.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I have a colleague who knows himself to be an alcoholic, he has had two DUIs, and he goes in and out of AA. Usually, because of the nudge from the judge. He actually seems to like to tell me about his slips. He'll tell me about an event where he drank a few drinks and didn't black out or get a DUI. I respond with, "you were lucky with the Russian Roulette!" I just try to be an example, offer to take him to meetings. He's 65 and close to retiring. He also talks about taking himself out, suicide at times. I consider this guy a pretty good friend, but there is absolutely no way for him to get it unless he gets it. Alcohol will bring us all low, some arrest the disease, some continue the disease. I hope your neighbor gets it before he hurts himself or others more.
I have a neighbor that,IMO, could very well be an alcoholic. at least his walks back from the store just about every day with a case of beer hints hes an alcoholic.
i have said in casual conversation
"what a great day it is to be sober!!"
" i can remember mornings passing back in and wishing i hadn't"
"i never thought life without alcohol could be so awesome!"
" its a true blessing i found a God to help me stop drinking and friends willing to help me find that God."
i could be the only big book someone reads, so when the opportunity arises, i ask God to help guide my words to say to someone that may just save their lives.
I actually ran into another neighbour the other just today and I was saying why is that guy always drunk. She told me he can't drinking anymore so hes popping pills, regardless I think hes a lot cause it explains why hes so out of it.
I don't believe anyone is a lost cause. People said I was, I thought I was... Ive thought many others were. I have been proven wrong. It doesn't mean that you can save them, though. I've also learned that.
I don't believe anyone is a lost cause. People said I was, I thought I was... Ive thought many others were. I have been proven wrong. It doesn't mean that you can save them, though. I've also learned that.
I agree with Col here, ... ... ... Although, I've said a few times: With the disease of alcoholism there are 2 rules, rule #1 is that good people die, and rule #2 is that recovering alcoholics in AA cannot change rule #1 ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Well I think its too big a feat for someone to handle he need to go to a rehab clinic or something along those lines, he needs some professional help. I was talking to my super today and they apparently did some sparying and his room was going to be one of them but they couldn't do his room because at 10 am he was to intoxicated to function.
God dropped this guy in your lap for a reason. What do you suppose it was? So that you could ignore him? Or do you think He wants you to offer this man the same thing that was given freely to you? A way out of his misery. Couldn't you get together with an older AA member and try a good old fashioned 12 step?
I've been gone for a few days and just returned. As I read through the thread I kept waiting for someone to mention that this is a program of attraction rather than promotion. Regardless, such a situation can be difficult to watch. I know that most on this board are Christian and so I'll phrase it that way... what would you do if you knew that this person was actually Jesus Christ? From Mathew 25:40, Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. Personally, I use the image of my wife in such a situation, but I would think the image of Jesus to be at least as powerful.
Perhaps you could bring him a home cooked meal; offer to do some housecleaning for him, or even just be an ear - allowing him the dignity of someone listening to his incoherent ramblings. Such kindness might get him to wonder about you, and ask questions. No one poisons themselves to the point of death without a great deal of pain. We all need someone who listens. Being heard might open his heart and ears a bit to hear.
Good morning! I just read your post about a suffering alcoholic in your apt. building. Wow! What an opportunity to surrender to God on a new level! You can be assured that God is attempting to reach out to him to help this man. I would also say that God wants to use you to reach him. That's why He has filled your heart with so much concern and compassion. You see, you'd have to care before you could ever be helpful. I know that you're aware that you have no power to help him on your own, only God has that power. So, in your daily prayers, you can place yourself entirely at God's disposal. You can ask Him to use you as an instrument to help this man. You can ask Him to guide you and direct you and show you how He wants to employ you. After that, you can only be willing and....LISTEN. If you pay attention and listen, God will use you. But, any time we pray, we must be ready to take action. There is little doubt that this man has not quite hit his bottom yet. But, you can "raise his bottom up to hit him". Here's an action you can take at the first opportunity: If you can ever happen to catch this man in a sober condition, you might tell him that you were once like him. Then, you can give him the old A.A. "Sucker-Punch"! The Sucker Punch means you can briefly explain to him that he has an allergy to alcohol and an obsession to drink it. Once he has that very important piece of information embedded in his little alcoholic brain, he will soon hit a bottom that he never even imagined in his wildest dreams! He'll crash & burn in no time! Once he hits THAT bottom, alcohol will have stopped working for him. Drinking will only INCREASE the pain he's in. Once he hits THAT bottom, he'll be ready to hear anything you have to say. That's exactly what happened to me over 25 years ago. Someone explained the allergy and the obsession to me and after that the booze stopped working. I was finished. I've seen it over and over again with plenty of others as well. Anyway, these are the only real suggestions that I have. If you've tried everything else, you might give it a try. Thanks for letting me share. Sincerely, Mike D.
Hey I think people are missing I can't personally help him. I was just wondering if it would be apporpate to leave some material. I'm not going to help him because a ) I don't like him b) because hes phsycally attracted to me.
this got way to religous i'm an athiest so if he was jesus christ, I'd say too funny you got a book named after you.
this got way to religous i'm an athiest so if he was jesus christ, I'd say too funny you got a book named after you.
I understand mandm; I'm atheist too. I just thought I was the only one on this board that was. Anywho, I just try to see my wife in everyone and that works for me - but I can understand your trepidation based on the other considerations.
You're not Angell - not even close to the only one.
I was at the blues festival yesterday - lots of drunks - and about 1/2 the AA crowd from my time. Boy - NO ONE - could relapse at that thing! LOL It was like an AA party with drinking oddly. LOL
Anyway - this one lady in particular was falling down all over. I knew from the moment she walked in that she was already drunk and trying SO hard to walk straight and appear normal (we got there at lunch time).
Her husband was the one who drew my Mom's attention, because he was the jolly one later on, who got loaded up and just really didn't care who knew - he was just there for a good time. He ended up leaving early because of her - because she was just too messed up by 7pm to walk. However, she was trying so hard to appear as if SHE was the sober one.
That would have been had I drank in public. I would do the same thing at home though.
My mom used to slip me literature. That never worked.
It wasn't until my husband's co-worker convinced him to convince me that I wasn't going to walk into a religious cult of toothless people, that I finally agreed to at least go in and get a sponsor.
I sat through my first meeting as they read the chapter in the BB about sex aloud and I was horrified. I had walked into a cult of sorts here in Eau Claire called the pacific group. It was a terrible experience. My sponsor never called me back when I told her I wouldn't go to her meetings because my husband was working at that time.
Anyway. A program of attraction is great and all. I totally agree with that, but I... like many others I think... just needed to know it was going to be okay to be there if I didn't believe in God.
I don't think people realize that in the general population.
I dunno. Everyone's different. Sometimes I get confused over this, because if it's time it's time, and it's up to the powers that be anyway. Nothing you do is going to matter. Then again - if my husband hadn't kept threatening me - I doubt I'd have given a shot in the first place, or another shot after I initially went and didn't do it right and drank again that first month.
What I DO KNOW is I was long past the point of having hope for myself. When I went that first night, and got that big book home and read it - I knew there was hope. I didn't know how the program worked, but I did know for the first time there was other people like me - and that they found a way out of it somehow.
Even though I had given up on myself again and again, it was different because now I knew there was a solution. I truly didn't think there was before AA.
The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking.
If he has that desire... if he REALLY has that... well, then... just invite him : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Even if you were to move mandm, ... there is no guarantee that you'll leave all that stuff behind ... just say'n!!!
None of us have to look very hard to see or find someone with an addiction ... I have used many, if not all the approaches already mentioned when I come across someone with a problem ... my effort is to open the door a little to give the person a 'fighting chance' to ask for help, and if they do, I take to the next step and tell them a little of the control alcohol had over me ... and in every case, I see a head nodding yes in agreement with what they've experienced ... then I mention there's a way out for them if the care to listen to a few simple suggestions ...
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Monday 5th of August 2013 12:14:38 PM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
My building is full of people that are hardcore alcoholics, If i wanted to be an angel my building would be a full time job. I live in a low to med income building with lots of batchler suits, funny that I moved into it. You should see the hobos wait outside my building for all the empties on garbage day.
I found out the guy on the second floor is selling his pain meds to the guy on the 4th floor that i'm talking about, the guy on the second floor got a knee opperation and is sell his pills for this guy to pop..
