Hi emmi, ... I just re-posted a couple of your earlier posts for a new-comer with an 'opposite sex' sponsor question ... using your posts, I suggest it wasn't a good idea ...
Is it better to wait until you have some perspective on the situation, or is it okay to take this step while you are still emotional? ... In my experience, I've found that making any decisions based on emotions are usually not a good idea and will usually will get you in deeper trouble of some kind ... work closely with your sponsor on this issue ... I know you want to resolve the problem you find yourself in, but don't make any rash decisions while in an 'emotional state' ...
For the problem you are going through, I feel that only a 'spiritual solution' will resolve your situation ... but you have to realize your mistake and petition your higher power for the answers ... I've heard it said the 'time' heals all wounds ... and for some wounds, that can take a while !!! ... stay closest to those that offer you spiritual guidance in these and other matters ...
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Monday 29th of July 2013 12:13:50 PM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I don't know...I kind of disagree here. But I would definitely run this by your sponsor since she will be the one taking you through these steps. If I follow these directions....
Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions. (BB pg 63 - 64)
They tell me my decision....Step 3...Will have little permanent effect...Unless Next...I launch into step 4. I needed to rid myself from what was blocking me.....At Once. They are pretty clear on when we should move onto step 4. When I started mine I was caught up in the disease and my emotions were all over the place. It was strenuous....But I needed it. That's just my experience....And my opinion.
-- Edited by Stepchild on Monday 29th of July 2013 12:56:51 PM
I have been in great distress and pain over something that has occurred in my life. Some of you may have an idea what this is from an earlier thread.
My sponsor, a woman with decades of sobriety, has been a Godsend to me with this.
I will ask her this, as well, but I thought I would seek some input here. She and I have both agreed that I should work the steps on this situation. The worst of my pain was last week, but the sadness and depression are ongoing. I have been taking steps 1-3 on this every day, and am wondering if I should start step 4.
I'd like to, but I wonder if I am still too close to the problem and too emotional. I have spent a great deal of time writing about this in my computer journal, but feel I need to do a more structured 4th step.
I would appreciate your thoughts, especially if you have been through something like this: Is it better to wait until you have some perspective on the situation, or is it okay to take this step while you are still emotional?
I second this " In my experience, I've found that making any decisions based on emotions are usually not a good idea and will usually will get you in deeper trouble of some kind "
When caught up in our diesase, we run on emotions and not intellect. Running on emotions are not good for us. When your emotional state quites down, you'll be more in a position to think and act with intellect.
My experience is along the lines that Stepchild mentions. Steps one to three do not bring about recovery and will not sustain recovery. Think about it.
Step one - I know what the problem is. Step two - I am willing to accept spiritual help Step three - I have made a mess of things so I am appointing a new manager (a Higher Power) who will help me if I remove what's blocking me. That requires Action. The first actual action in the process, step 4.
If you are not willing to take step 4, then you haven't taken step three because you are not taking any action to implement your decision. So that throws into doubt step 2 because, when it comes down to it, you are not willing to accept spiritual help. That brings you back to step one, THE PROBLEM. If the problem is that you are an alcoholic of my kind, you may be suffering from a terminal illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. You may have lost the power of choice in drink. Unless you can get connected to The Power, it is likely that something bad will happen (may have already), the pain of being sober will out weigh the pain of drinking, you will find yourself in that strange mental blank spot, and you will end up drinking without any conscious thought. No effective defense means exactly that.
Nothing should be more important than connecting with your higher power. Throw yourself into the steps and into helping others. You are running out of time. As far as waiting goes, Parkinsons law applies
"Delay is the deadliest form of denial"
God bless, MikeH.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Monday 29th of July 2013 08:35:13 PM
Thanks to all three of you for your responses! It means more than you can know.
I suspect it is best to wait. I am still surrendering my obsession for this person to my Higher Power, but I have a way to go. (I am a willful alcoholic, after all). Possibly working this step now would only feed the obsession rather than be an objective and more rational look at it.
Pythonpappy, I am glad you shared my story elsewhere. I hope to help others with this situation. If we learn (and can share) a lesson with others, no experience is a complete loss.
I'd discuss it with your sponsor....I'd be curious to see what she thinks. I know one of the first things I had to do was trust my sponsor....My decisions weren't exactly something I could rely upon. I wish you the best....It's quite a ride.
Welcome to the MIP board. Some great responses here, I can't add alot to what (Mike) Fyne and Stepchild have written. Journaling might make you feel better temporarily, but it won't get you closer to the solution. Follow your instinct and get on with the 4th...just follow the directions and those of your sponsor.
Take care,
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
From my experience, I would put off doing this step. The last thing we need is another embarrassment. I would continue to journal my thoughts until I'm ready to get over that hurdle. Then when you're ready, make an honest admission of your thought's, just like step 4 suggests. It's the only way to channel a better outcome. I hope this helps.
I did not do the steps over situations. I did them reviewing my whole life. So emmi, if you have done steps 1 through 3 in general and to completion, proceed and this will just be part of your overall 4th step as it will emerge in your listing resentments, fears, and sexual conduct/ relationship history.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hi Emmi, I sure hope you've talked with your sponsor about your situation by this time, and that things are on the way to getting resolved by the action of Step 4. If you're asking the question, "Is it too soon to do a 4th Step?", I would refer you back to something that cannot be ignored in this situation: The emotional pain that you're in right now. I think it's very important to ask yourself, "How much longer do I want to suffer this pain?" Emotional pain will usually drive us to do something to get some relief in one way or another. We'll either drink to kill the pain, or we'll take the proper action to resolve it at its source. In my experience, the only effective method for resolving emotional pain at its source is to do a thorough 4th Step inventory. You've said that you were doing Step 3 in an effort to get some relief from your pain, but Step 3 is merely deciding to take action -- it's not really action. Therefore, Step 3 will not really resolve the issue -- nor will it really take away your pain. I think it would be pretty safe to say that any recovering alcoholic who is suffering a lot of pain is at risk of a relapse. Let me share something that taught me a lot and that you might find pretty interesting: Every time someone in my home group would come back to the meeting after a relapse, I would casually ask them "What Step were you on when you relapsed?" About 70% of them told me they were at STEP THREE, and supposed to be getting ready for Step 4. The other 30% of them said they were on Step 8.....and supposed to be getting ready for Step 9. In other words, they were just on the verge of taking real action, but they had been putting it off. All of them told me that they put off taking action because they thought it might be toosoon to do Step 4, or Step 9. Believe it or not, they told me that they thought doing an inventory, or making amends could possibly disturb their sobriety and cause them to drink. Action in the Steps takes away the pain we're in. Doing nothing only increases our pain. I think we can both conclude that it's never too soon to do an inventory. Why? Because an honest inventory will always reveal the Truth. Truth always sets us free. One thing we discover in this Program is that we don't need to suffer pain if we don't want to. We have a solution to everything that comes our way in life.....if we take that solution. I think you did a great job of sharing. I see a lot of honesty, openness, and willingness in you. These are your greatest assets right now, and they will definitely take you a long way. You have my prayers and the blessings of God. Sincerely, Mike D.
