Okay zooie, I'll try to post this:

emmi331


Status: Online
Posts: 9
Date: 4 days ago


I am a year late coming to this thread, but I will put in my two cents' worth. Opposite-sex sponsorship may work fine for some, but I don't recommend anyone entertain the idea - it isn't worth the risk. I am a woman who recently asked a gay man to be my spiritual sponsor - safe enough, right? We had been good friends for several years. We were both "mature" individuals with quite a bit of sobriety, and I had another sponsor who was a woman with decades of sobriety. He had a man with decades of sobriety. They both gave the sponsorship their blessings. Within a month I was halfway in love, and as far as I was concerned, he walked on water. At the end of three months I was full-on in love and he was my higher power. It was at that point that I fired him, and I had to tell him exactly why. This completely blew up in our faces. To top it off, he is in my (small) home group. I may have to leave it. It will take me a long time to recover from this, and I'm glad I have enough of the AA program under my belt that I have not picked up a drink over it. This is why they say "women with women, men with men". Don't think it could not happen to you, do not take this risk. Sponsorship is an INTIMATE connection, and sharing this connection with someone of the opposite sex is a recipe for disaster. I hope my story has helped someone.

 

 

emmi331   Member Status: Online Posts: 9 Date: 3 days ago

Reply Quote   Printer Friendly Thanks for the input, Tanin.  I read something about this case, and it was terrifying to think this could happen.  I could not tell from the articles that he was actually sponsoring her;  in fact I wonder if she had a sponsor at all.  In any case, she hooked up with a nightmare. This was not a predatory man I asked to be my sponsor, but someone genuinely sweet and kind with several years of sobriety.  We had been friends for years.  But for a variety of reasons the whole scheme completely backfired and has left me devastated.  The dynamic changed when he became my sponsor and I began to turn my life and my will over to him.  In his defense, he never asked for it - I simply (in my mind) began handing it over to him, because I was falling head over heels in love.  It ended in disaster. I am blessed with a woman sponsor who is now trying to help me through this.  She is kicking herself for telling me it was okay to do this, and it's possible his sponsor is kicking himself as well.  Men with men, women with women - most old-timers will tell anyone this, especially those they are sponsoring. I forgot to think, think, think, before asking him to sponsor me.  And to examine my real motives.  And to ask for spiritual guidance.  Now I am paying the price.  I really hope my story will help someone to make an appropriate decision.  It might make all this pain worth it.

-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Monday 29th of July 2013 11:45:59 AM

I am a single female. I want to know if it is a good idea to have a single male as a sponsor? Need an answer ASAP.

Zooie, please heed what PythonPappy and Mike B. have posted. To do otherwise is asking for trouble.