I was guilty of all that stuff. These are some things in the Big Book that really hit home for me.
We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the nonalcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. (Page 44)
I passed both those tests. That was the case.
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove. (Page 24)
This too....I had lost the power of choice in drink...My so called will power was nonexistent.
Let's see....I need a spritual experience to conquer this thing....From a Power greater than myself....Because I lost the power of choice in drink and my will power was non-existant.....I think I'm powerless over alcohol.
Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power? (Page 45)
The steps....As laid out in the book.
-- Edited by Stepchild on Sunday 28th of July 2013 08:08:17 PM
I did an exercise yesterday for my sponsor-writing down the reasons I feel I'm powerless over Alcohol.
- If I have just one drink, I will want more every time. Even if I limit myself, I still want more to the point of intoxication.
- I develop cravings after breakfast, and many times end up drinking by noon.
- If left alone, such as the wife and kids away, this always becomes a time to freely drink, every time. It's the first thought in my head. Often I find myself trying to sober up before they get back somehow.
- I drink when bored, happy, sad, or don't feel at all.
- I drink before major events.
- I drink alone, even in social settings where everyone else is drinking....I walk to a secure spot so nobody can see my volume.
- I cannot sip....AL ALL. 12 oz in 6-7 swallows...6-7 seconds...every time.
- I hide alcohol in the garage when I want to really hit it without my wife knowing.
My sponsor says this will help me identify with the FACT that I'm powerless, so I never get back into the state where I have been the last 5 years lying to myself. I believe it.
I just wanted to share as I don't want anyone doing the same thing I did and fool myself into thinking we have this licked. It NEVER goes away.
I agree with your sponsor: Writing things down is a good exercise, especially when it comes to step work. It's how I connect the dots. Then, I need to practice what I learned
How? By attending meeting, it's that simple. Every time I enter an A.A. room, I'm admitting defeat. That's what I call the 1st step "the department of defeat". It's the only way to render my disease powerless. Thanks for reminding me.
