Some bit ago - my children were off doing child like things, that I too must admit I rather enjoy.  We made some blanket forts, and set up a home made carnival in the front room.  We were rained out of the one we were looking forward to Sunday.  Imagine the children's eyes as the lightening struck, and the thunder rumbled after a 2 hour car ride to my home town fair.  Colby cheese days.  Yes, I'm from the home of Colby cheese.  They throw out chunks of cheese and flavoring for your glass of milk during the parade - along with the candy and trinkets of course.  My father was a cheese maker during college, and tells wonderful stories about the process.  I remember going to the bulk tanks and dipping out fresh curds.  Hmmmm.  Those days are gone now with big factory farms.  He would tell about being out at the beer bars so late that he never would go home in between there and work, and how he'd add extra salt to the curds and lap them up with a big grin on his face.  I wanted to be just like him.  He was 'so cool'.  It was such a revelation to me that people hated their fathers.  I couldn't imagine that.  He was my idol. 

Some of that came to a crashing halt when I got into adult child of an alcoholic recovery.  But this too - did pass with work in the program and becoming my own loving parent.  I am back to finding 'the cool' again - and my love and adoration is restored.  It's not the same, but real and meaningful... and we are still very close, even though he is still drinking.

The children fought over the blankets that were the most colorful and then the forts that had the best hiding capacity.  From there, a simple tap on the chest turned into what was described later as several punches.  The collaborative differences created high energy and to my dismay, our little guest - and only child not used to sibling rivalry - was finding it very upsetting.  I knew just how she felt.  I would go off to my cousins house with 8 kids and 4 boys around my age and they would just pound on each other.  I left there in tears and have still not forgotten how scary they were.

We are the scary people now.  The dispute escalated quickly, and all 3 were screaming and crying and wailing until finally the little 4 yr old guest asked to go home.  Of course, I agreed to take her home because I would have wanted to be heard, listened to, respected and feel safe.  A person is a person no matter how small said Dr. Sues : )

This little girl happens to be the daughter of an AA friend.  My only stay at home mom AA friend.  So much of this relationship depends on our kids, but ultimately, the whole thing depends on God.  I can accept that what has happened, has been for a reason, and the outcome of today's tiff will be God's will, not mine.  

You're probably thinking it wasn't that bad.  But it was.  It was so bad I thought I would snap.  I thought I might cry myself at one point.

Instead - when I asked for a little help (from HP) I got it.  

I was able to stay completely calm and found my most soothing sing song gentle voice.  I was able to look the children in the eyes, and deliberately give them equally distributed attention and affection in spite of the screams and tears.  5 minutes down the road, all was quiet, and though everyone was not happy - they new they were safe and loved and listened to.

We said sorry.  My kids and I spoke about it in a learning way all the way home.  No shame.  No reason to give up or not start over.

Everyone was restored thanks to God, and not only that, it didn't occur to me to drink.