Like to hear peoples take on meetings. I happen to like them. My first three months I needed them badly as I didn't have the steps behind me to keep me sober. Two to three a day was the norm for me....And I went every day to at least one for my first six months. They told me to do 90 in 90 and I more than doubled that. I was pretty desperate.
I was in a meeting the other day...Quite a few newcomers in it...And a guy with 26 years in the program shared that he has to go to a meeting everyday to stay sober. I just got my second year on July 1st...And I do practice my program daily....But I shared that 4 to 5 meetings a week was working for me...If I need more...I go to em. I need meetings to keep me grounded....Carry the message and remind myself what I am. I am a permanent alcoholic.
I just didn't feel sharing that you had to go to a meeting every day at 26 years sober was something someone new to the program needs to hear...I could be wrong....He almost said it like if you don't do this....You're screwed. I work my program as laid out in the book....And there isn't much mention of meetings in it. I view meetings as a place that the Newcomer can find us....And I have no plans of leaving them out of my program. I mean this weekend I went to two meetings on Saturday and two on Sunday...One last night and I'm going to a noon today....Like I said before...I like them.
I've seen the results of people that have cut meetings down to nothing...And they weren't pretty....I guess I've just found a balance that is working for me. Four to five a week keeps me grounded....And one is a newcomer meeting...The other a Big Book that I don't miss. I'd love to hear some of your takes on meetings....And keep coming back.
I go to about two meetings a week, if my work schedule permits, but I check my AA boards everyday. There are two sides to the coin: you can be lulled into thinking that going to a lot of meetings means practicing the program, but it ain't necessarily so. On the other hand, you can be lulled into thinking you don't need meetings to practice the program, and that's also dangerous ground. I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all equation, but one thing is certain: if you're not experiencing the promises, you had better find a way to practice the steps with the help of other alcoholics, be they IRL or online.
-- Edited by Q on Tuesday 23rd of July 2013 05:42:50 PM
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
Congrats on 2 years Stepchild, ... the 'learning never stops' ...
I am in complete agreement with you and your view point on the possible effect of hearing that a person must attend a meeting everyday for 26 years in order to stay sober ... hey, that may be what it takes for that guy, but that's not to say I must do 'his program' or I'm screwed ... If I had heard that being shared at a meeting, I'd have voiced the fact that we're all different and therefore have different needs to stay in the 'solution' ... If I'd had heard this guy say that, and I a new-comer, THAT would have made it extremely difficult for me to think 'one day at a time' ...
As an example, for me, I found it necessary for me to go nearly 2 years averaging at least one meeting a day ... (right at 700 in 700) ... but I had tried and failed so many times, and I was so very sick, I needed that ... and I've known many that do just fine going to 90 in 90 and going on to lasting sobriety, good quality sobriety ...
Due to increased trust of family and friends, I've been able to commit to working many other projects during any given week, so my schedule has changed just like my psyche in recovery ... Today, I go to a minimum of 2 meetings a week, sometimes 4 or 5 ... but I am comfortable with my life and my program today ... if something comes up that 'rocks my boat' then I go to more meetings until I am comfortable again ... I'm just saying, I'm working 'my' program of recovery, not someone elses ...
I will say my first 2 years included a morning 'Beginner's meeting once a week and at least 2 'book study' meetings a week along with 'open discussion' meetings and one 'speaker' meeting a week ... Today, I love going to meetings and go when I can, but i know I need at least 2 a week ... (there have been short periods of time where 'open discussion' meetings came close to giving me AA 'burnout' ... but I have learned to recognize the signs and back off if necessary ... I do think there's such a thing as being 'drowned in recovery' ... AA teaches us how to experience and enjoy life, so it's time to spend time out there, living a more normal life ...) ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I love meetings and aim for at least three a week. This week I will hit five. The fellowship never fails to inspire me and to deepen the quality of my program. It's also a place where I can give back. I stay in service and make a point of speaking with newcomers. I like all the meetings, especially speaker meetings. Those are the ones that remind me how alike we all are in our disease. Our stories may appear different on the surface but underneath it all, we are the same kind of sick. I also really dig Big Book meetings. I feel God in the rooms and that brings me strength and comfort as well. Meetings enhance my life outside of the rooms and remind me of my life's meaning and purpose. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
What she said! Couldn't have put it any better. Three meetings a week is the norm these days. Sometimes four. It's a mixture of speaker/discussion, 12 and 12 and Literature meetings. Meetings are important to me, sobriety and my peace of mind. I do enjoy meetings, but know today I need a balance. In the first few years it was every other day that worked for me.
Great responses...I think they are critical starting out and doing 90 meetings in 90 days is a great suggestion for someone new to AA. I also agree that doing what works for your program is the only way. I hear things in meetings I disagree with and take things that work for me.....The only contsant for me is the clear cut directions in the book....I don't pick and choose with that. There is a reason they haven't changed it.
I always get something out of a meeting...And sometimes people get something out of what I've shared...What a wonderful reward that is. I like to see people get this thing.....And I'd like to see more of them. Thanks for sharing.
I never did a physical meeting , I've been sober now for around 4 months. At first I was doing the Tuesday Saturday meeting and just reading on this message board whenever I felt the urge. Also looking up youtube videos etc.
I found myself stearing away from meeting due to me being an atheist. I even found the only meetings can get a little to religious for my taste.
Maybe the guy with 26 years personally needs to go to a meeting every day to stay sober. Everyone is different. I have members in my home group with that much sobriety who go to a meeting every day also. I did the first 4 years or so, and now I go about 2x per week. That works for me.
I just didn't feel sharing that you had to go to a meeting every day at 26 years sober was something someone new to the program needs to hear...I could be wrong....He almost said it like if you don't do this....You're screwed. I work my program as laid out in the book....And there isn't much mention of meetings in it. I view meetings as a place that the Newcomer can find us....And I have no plans of leaving them out of my program. I mean this weekend I went to two meetings on Saturday and two on Sunday...One last night and I'm going to a noon today....Like I said before...I like them.
So, the 26-year man did not actually say that other AAs needed to go to a meeting every day at 26 years? He just actually stated what he did for his own sobriety?
You had to be there Tanin....And know the guy like I do. You know something Tanin....If there is a dark spot on this site...It's you. I sure don't want what you have.
So, the 26-year man did not actually say that other AAs needed to go to a meeting every day at 26 years? He just actually stated what he did for his own sobriety?
Perhaps it's a problem of an incorrect inference.
You had to be there Tanin....And know the guy like I do. You know something Tanin....If there is a dark spot on this site...It's you. I sure don't want what you have.
No...You're the reason I left this site before. I'm just not big on people that stalk me on other sites...Post things here from there. I don't have to like everyone in AA...And I don't. If there was an ignore function here I would use it. I just do my best to ignore you as it is.
No...You're the reason I left this site before. I'm just not big on people that stalk me on other sites...Post things here from there. I don't have to like everyone in AA...And I don't. If there was an ignore function here I would use it. I just do my best to ignore you as it is.
Ah, resentments.
The Big Book says that resentments are really, really bad for alcoholics. Good lesson, there. Believe it.
And resentments spawn misstatement and overreaction.
At ease, my friends, and let there be peace! Meetings are an essential componant of the program/fellowship, true. There are those who do the everyday deal, and those who do the once in a while thing. There are those who add their religious background to their concept of a higher power, those who formulate their own concept, and those who don't have any have any higher power whatsoever. We have folks who are by the big book types and folks who are 1st step-3rd tradition practitioners. That's the beauty of it! The main thing is whenever you're at a meeting is a) you're not drinking and b) you're reinforcing your reason for not drinking!
Good words, Hater...I love my meetings and at this point in my sobriety, I appreciate the mental edgy-ness that tells me I need a meeting after a coupla days. The closest feelings I have of total serenity is being at a meeting and realizing that there is no other place in the world that I would rather be than at that meeting. It's a great feeling.
In my early sobriety I attended 387 meetings in 90 days. From there I attended an average of about one meeting a day until about three years sober. Then I simply stopped going for about seventeen years. My wife is court ordered to meetings and I enjoy being with her and so I began attending again about a year and a half ago. Today we go to about one a day, which is certainly more than she is required to go to but is what she feels comfortable with. Personally, I am rather ambivalent regarding meeting attendance.
I can only speak for myself now; I have a head full of AA right now. So much full that I feel like I'm going from insanity to insanity. Thank heavens I figured out how to delete the white board here. I think the 90 in 90 rule is to keep us in check, make us accountable, show our desire not to drink..while our blood alcohol level gets back to a reasonable normal level, considering everything. I can accept all this; what I have difficulty with are the AA "pros". Spiritual experiences and awakenings shouldn't make you arrogant; isn't that kind of missing the whole point?
Personally, I am rather ambivalent regarding meeting attendance.
Me too. It's a crucial variable. It probably could be classified as being necessary but not sufficient.
But how many is the right number? How many is too few? How many is too many?
Hard to tell.
But the mean attendance for an AA member in U.S./Canada is 2.6 meetings weekly. That's according to the 2011 AA membership survey. I wish they would divulge the standard deviation. That would be an interesting number. I imagine it would be rather high.
I think a lot of times people with 30 or so years of sobriety go to daily meeting s because they are retired and have time, AA is where they have the most friends, extra emotional support doesn't hurt as you age and more people you love pass away, and AA is such that we really respect our elders unlike mainstream society. So when I am 65 or 70 I could see myself going to daily meetings but will try not to rationalize it or push it on people that are not newcomers. I will do it probably simply out of loving AA.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
As an aside, I could also go around purposely pushing other's buttons and then launch into "resentments are the number one offender!" But that would be a cop out and I'd rather focus on me and what defects of character might be causing those repeated negative social interchanges.
It's like punching someone vulnerable and then going "haha you are angy now! Uhoh..anger is bad you know!"and then playing innocent and stoking them more when you have them already upset. That's sadistic. That is a worse problem than catching resentments.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
For my first year, I pretty much went to a meeting every day- 2 on days off. Most of these were open discussion meetings, as my schedule is usually based on noon meetings and the two in my area are both OD. It's funny to see how meetings really do vary by neighborhood- the 'you must attend meetings everyday' philosophy is pushed at one of these meetings. For the most part, that worked for me... But I did think that this was a crucial part of sobriety. I came to AA very naive about recovery and alcoholism and I pretty much just did whatever I heard worked. I have recently felt a bit of a burnout regarding meetings, and this may be due to attending the same meetings daily. To be honest, I didn't really understand the difference in types of meetings. Whenever I have a night off from work, I do try to go to literature meetings. I went to my first Big Book Step Study meeting recently, and was blown away! I try to keep my focus on the BB, and find that there's actually little mention of it at the nooner I had been going to for the first year. I am currently trying to find the right balance for my own meeting attendance. My sponser mentioned to me that she attends 2 or 3 meetings a week. I must admit that I was initially horrified!! The people at the nooner that I see daily that seem to strongly support the daily meeting attendance have over 20 years, so I naively thought this the only way to go. I was actually a bit cocky about it. She opened my eyes a bit by shifting my focus from bragging about how many meetings I can hit in a week to meditation, re-reading the big book, journaling and other areas of my recovery that I've lapsed in. Of course, I believe that meetings are an important element of a strong program, but not at the expense of other equally important elements. At just 14 months sober, I'm still figuring out what works best for me. I do think that there can be meeting overload... I was experiencing this myself. I know a handful of people with long term sobriety that swear by 2 or 3 meetings a day- no excuses. Then again, my own sponser attends 2 a week. I think somewhere in the middle works for me at this point in my recovery. 4 a week seems to support my 'optimum sanity point':)
For some reason I wasn't able to edit my post above. I did want to add that for my first year or so, the daily meeting was necessary for me. Everyone is different, and especially during the very beginning of recovery I think frequent meetings are crucial. I didn't want any newcomers to read these and use these responses as an excuse to not go to meetings haha. Although I am still a relative newcomer, I think at a certain point balance becomes the focus. I know that's a concept I struggle with- balance.
As an aside, I could also go around purposely pushing other's buttons and then launch into "resentments are the number one offender!" But that would be a cop out and I'd rather focus on me and what defects of character might be causing those repeated negative social interchanges.
It's like punching someone vulnerable and then going "haha you are angy now! Uhoh..anger is bad you know!"and then playing innocent and stoking them more when you have them already upset. That's sadistic. That is a worse problem than catching resentments.
Thanks PC....This guy just doesn't get it. I find it sad.
Couldn't have put it any better. Three meetings a week is the norm these days. Sometimes four. It's a mixture of speaker/discussion, 12 and 12 and Literature meetings. Meetings are important to me, sobriety and my peace of mind. I do enjoy meetings, but know today I need a balance. In the first few years it was every other day that worked for me. 