Feeling Good

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Feeling Good

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

I just wanted to say thanks for being here for me today - but especially over the past week and a half or so. I can never fall too far, there is always you to catch me, and wow - that feels GOOD!

Bob K · Senior Member

Hey Tasha you are very welcome and I thank you for allowing me to be a part of your recovery.

Senior Member

GoJo wrote:
You call attention to yourself, do you know that? How could you be a caring Mom and be online as much as you are. There is something not good here; this doesn't mean you are not good. It just means it's obvious to anyone smart enough to see you need more than AA.

Whoa, ease up friend. Sometimes the going gets pretty rough and folks need a chance to vent. Leaning on your AA friends is infinitely better than hitting the bottle.

Someday you may incur some rough sailing yourself, and you'll always find a sympathetic ear here.

GoJo · Veteran Member

When that "someday" may possibly incur, Q, I would appreciate someone honest; to let me know I am vearing off the intended road. I still say; there is something wrong here...

GoJo · Veteran Member

I just pointed out the obvious, that's all Jerry F. I understand you may have an emotional superficial connection here, but I'm not seeing the spiritual side of you right now; and I'm not seeing the AA in all this either. Which meant more to me than anything else. All I see is just another online forum message board.

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

So many "I"s....Get over yourself.

GoJo · Veteran Member

Good grief...this is AA, not Match.com This is such a revalation, Jerry F. You had portrayed yourself as such a spiritual person. I am saddened by this; I really am.

jj · MIP Old Timer

LOL, so glad you are so knowing when someone is "not right" .... heck of a way to live. to know so much and be so right. do you understand the 'human condition?' you have set yourself up, judging the whole of our experience, strength, and hope..... so i agree with Jerry and the others here.... you need to see your part in your judgement and your need to judge. being here for each other is an AA committment. when you have something worthwhile to share, i hope you will.
honestly,
sheila/jj

GoJo · Veteran Member

Okay then....I realize I cannot make the point I just simply tried to make here.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

justadrunk wrote:
I just wanted to say thanks for being here for me today - but especially over the past week and a half or so. I can never fall too far, there is always you to catch me, and wow - that feels GOOD!

I simply want to thank you, Tasha, for being here for me too ... ... ... I love the way you and I have both grown in the program of AA and have learned to lean on each other and to support each other through prayer ... We've been here long enough to tolerate negative posts that are aimed to hurt rather than to help ... I know you know what I'm talking about ... you have been, and still are, a bright spot in my life ... your family photos still remain on my computer bulletin board ... I see them daily and am glad to know we are all family here ...

Love and God Bless,

Pappy

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Gojo is right : ) I do spend a lot of time on the computer. I do almost all my shopping for organic food and health products online because they are cheaper and I can research them before I buy them. I can research/buy educational toys/games for my kids here. I can learn about child development, read AA literature, read about hobby farming, organic farming and how to incorporate kids into getting involved in the food they eat by growing it and helping to prepare it.

I do not watch TV or read books - I don't bother even starting as my kids are 4 & 6 and I could never finish something like that anyway at this point in my life. There needs are many, and I am always here for them. I work 2 days per week outside the home for just a few hours, and teach music classes to kids that include cooperation and old fashioned musical games that we all enjoyed as kids. I host play dates, and pony rides in my back yard. We raise chicks and walk through the river out back. My hobbies are THEM! They only get one childhood, and I make it great. Never once have I said 'no' to my kids when they wanted my attention. I have always put them first, and I always set aside what I'm doing to give them the attention they deserve. It's the least I can do after what they've endured while I was a drunk mom. But there are a lot of hours in the day. While they are contently putting together a puzzle, or just simply getting healthy space from me - I come here and do all the above reading, research, reaching out to others and keeping my recovery in check. I go to few meetings so I can be here with them - but enough so that I am part of the alive community.

Being here, and being here often is my reality check. It's what allows me to keep my head in the game. To always remember that first and above all is my recovery. And recovery for me today means that right now, while dealing with a tragedy - I need to be here a lot more... because I need to be home for my daughter and not off at meetings or working with others away from her. It means saying thank you to the people who are my family here at MIP and are always here with love in their hearts, because I have a capacity to appreciate people today. Especially my family.

It also means that I can be here to let you know, that I too came into sobriety with lots of judgments, and lots of confusion, hurt and most of all fear. None of us come here without that - and if I remember right... you've been sober about a week? I am so glad you're here and sharing. This is where I got my start in recovery that has changed my life - and the lives of my family COMPLETELY! I hope the same for you, and that you find all the love and tolerance that I did. You deserve that.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

I really look forward to your posts Tasha...I think you're awesome....Keep doing what you're doing....It seems to be working.

Frodo · MIP Old Timer

justadrunk wrote:
I just wanted to say thanks for being here for me today - but especially over the past week and a half or so. I can never fall too far, there is always you to catch me, and wow - that feels GOOD!

Feelin' good is good enough sometimes.

Glad this 24 is a good 'un for you.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

They say to stay in the center of the AA "boat" and you wont fall out. You seem to do a good job of that Tasha. Of course we are here for you!

GoJo · Veteran Member

I apologize for my comments last night. I understand the responses, and the truth in each one. I'm not sure what got into me last night, and I won't even try to justify it. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. Your responses were gracious, actually. I hope everyone has a good day.

Frodo · MIP Old Timer

GoJo wrote:
I apologize for my comments last night. I understand the responses, and the truth in each one. I'm not sure what got into me last night, and I won't even try to justify it. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. Your responses were gracious, actually. I hope everyone has a good day.

I hope you have a good 'un too.

:)

Senior Member

Peace GoJo!

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

GoJo wrote:
I apologize for my comments last night. I understand the responses, and the truth in each one. I'm not sure what got into me last night, and I won't even try to justify it. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. Your responses were gracious, actually. I hope everyone has a good day.

When I was two weeks "sober"....dry is probably a better word.....I hated the Fricken world....And everyone on it. I was so loaded with selfcenrered fear and anger I sickened myself. There is a solution...And what you just posted is a good step in that direction.

GoJo · Veteran Member

You are absolutely right, that's exactly how I feel right now. I'm mad that I'm an alcoholic. I miss drinking, and wish I could be one of those social drinkers. After work yesterday, a group of coworkers went out for drinks and dinner. A perfectly normal thing to do. I made up some excuse that I had something better to do, and went home and sulked. I hate the spot I'm in. This is going to sound awful, but I wish I had what they (social drinkers) have, and not what the members of AA have. I know that is screwed up thinking, but it's honest. I'm the one who needs counseling, that's for sure. I guess I was taking out my anger and frustrations here last night. Not a good thing to do.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

GoJo wrote:
You are absolutely right, that's exactly how I feel right now. I'm mad that I'm an alcoholic. I miss drinking, and wish I could be one of those social drinkers. After work yesterday, a group of coworkers went out for drinks and dinner. A perfectly normal thing to do. I made up some excuse that I had something better to do, and went home and sulked. I hate the spot I'm in. This is going to sound awful, but I wish I had what they (social drinkers) have, and not what the members of AA have. I know that is screwed up thinking, but it's honest. I'm the one who needs counseling, that's for sure. I guess I was taking out my anger and frustrations here last night. Not a good thing to do.

Poor, poor...Pour me another. I felt the same way. All I can tell you is that it gets better. Don't pick up....No matter what. Get a sponsor....Leave your old ideas behind....Open your ears and your mind....And get busy. I kept myself too busy working the program to have time to feel sorry for myself.....I couldn't have lived like that....And now I don't. I'm glad you're here.

mikef · MIP Old Timer

Good morning Tasha and blessings of this day!

Thank you for sharing your gratitude with us ,that underlying message of HOPE WE share by working to the best of our abilities to be guided by the God of our own understanding and the application of spiritual principles in all areas of our lives...and giving back what we were given.Have a blessed and productive day! smile

Frodo · MIP Old Timer

GoJo wrote:
You are absolutely right, that's exactly how I feel right now. I'm mad that I'm an alcoholic. I miss drinking, and wish I could be one of those social drinkers. After work yesterday, a group of coworkers went out for drinks and dinner. A perfectly normal thing to do. I made up some excuse that I had something better to do, and went home and sulked. I hate the spot I'm in. This is going to sound awful, but I wish I had what they (social drinkers) have, and not what the members of AA have. I know that is screwed up thinking, but it's honest. I'm the one who needs counseling, that's for sure. I guess I was taking out my anger and frustrations here last night. Not a good thing to do.

See, this is why Tasha feels good: she knows that she has the fellowship as a safetynet when things get tough. If you are going to vent then this is the best place to do it. We getcha. Been there, done that. Doesn't make us punchingbags, but it lends us a big degree of empathy as to where you are at.

And you can wish you were a social drinker all you want. Wish, wish, wish. Won't change what is though. You are not and never will be. You are not an apple, so maybe it's best that you stop wanting to be one. Join us oranges and live the life oranges need to do to be happy and sane.

If you didn't get what I said above then bookmark it and look at it every couple of months. In the meantime just keep reading step one. When you get that sorted in your head there will be no more wishing to be a social drinker. It just won't make sense.

Prayers.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

WOW guys, ...

Another of my prayers was answered ... and better than I could have hoped for ... the miracle of healing here continues ... Thank You Lord ...

GoJo ? ... I feel you just grew by leaps and bounds here ... welcome to a taste of the love you will find in recovery ...

Tasha, ... what can I say ... that was the greatest post of yours to date ... I love you so much ... you inspire me to grow even stronger in my own recovery ...

Bodyunderconstruction · Member

That was very nice of you to apologize .

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

There you go Gojo...the humble (this mornings reading in the Daily Reflections) honesty which we alcoholics live for rather than the drink we die for. It's pulling at you so add our weight and our ESH to your sled that it doesn't get you down the road again. I've always been curious about the statement "social drinker" or "normal drinker" and the like. You see honestly I've never known anyone like that. If there was someone like that in my life they didn't hang with me and I cannot recall a type of drinking or drinker who wasn't a drink till you drop person. I cannot recall a one or two drink person ever. We never bought for one or two. We bought to never run out and we never did that I can remember.

Someone on this board once said...I can't remember who and I remember what..."sober is normal (or natural)" and my head went naturally into an up and down bobbing. Alcohol is a mind and mood altering chemical no matter the amount. It goes right from tongue tip to Central Nervous System and doesn't need to be process by my stomach to start the party. "Sober is normal" "Alcohol free is natural" etc...at one time I didn't even think this rocket science statement out and yet today my head nods up and down and I am grateful my mind, body, spirit and emotions are sober, alcohol free, sane, serene. Other drink...not an issue for me anymore, "No thanks, I've had enough"...practice, practice, practice. In support. Keep coming back.

Thanks Frodo!!

((((hugs)))) smile

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

That's a great post Jerry...So True. A normal drinker?...Isn't that someone that gets up and leaves the table with their wine glass half full?....Nothing normal about that...I was the one that was always tempted to reach over and kill it. I found that my inner circle consisted of people that drank as much...Better yet....More than I did. Somehow that helped me justify my normalness.

GoJo · Veteran Member

Well, my head is certainly doing the up & down bobbing dance right now. I can't thank you ALL enough for your comments.

Frodo & Jerry: Have you ever had someone say something to you that you could totally relate to, in a language you understood, and then all of a sudden the lights went on like an aha moment? You both did that for me. This bitch called alcohol is indeed pulling at me, so to combat that I'm pulling out my sled in the middle of July and piling MIP and your ESH onto it. I AM an orange, I am. I'm not an apple and never will be, and I can't be both (tried that). And if I want that happy and sane life that I want, I need to stop pretending, and join the oranges and do what I need to do to have that. Which is what brought me here in the first place...to have joy in living.

I am not sure how to bookmark certain threads that are profound to me, so I have printed them out and have a binder. I'm the type of person that has to keep reading something over and over....you know Jerry, practice practice practice.

Senior Member

GoJo wrote:

I am not sure how to bookmark certain threads that are profound to me, so I have printed them out and have a binder. I'm the type of person that has to keep reading something over and over....you know Jerry, practice practice practice.

Yeah, me too. I'll take your OCD and raise it by one: I wrote out parts of the Big Book and 12&12, several times over. I needed to hammer the message into my thick skull.

GoJo · Veteran Member

LOL, I almost added that I was OCD and thought...nah, they've already seen too much of my ass lately as it is....

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

GoJo wrote:
I AM an orange, I am. I'm not an apple and never will be, and I can't be both (tried that). And if I want that happy and sane life that I want, I need to stop pretending, and join the oranges and do what I need to do to have that. Which is what brought me here in the first place...to have joy in living.

This sounds a lot like this....

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

BB pg 30

Whether you know it or not....You made my day Gojo....I love to see this.

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Gojo..."Have I ever...??!! Yes brother that is why I keep coming back because the fellowship knew me and was me and only they could open the door to and for me even when I didn't know what that mean't. When I first got here I couldn't even spell alcoholism while it was killing me. I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know...dumb as a stick until someone with the grace of my HP said something at the right time, in the right way using the right words and finally I surrendered. Had I not I guarantee I would have gone the way of my alcoholic mentor and sponsor who got sober in 1991 without the life to lift the bottle. Sober is normal...I can't remember what MIP member said that and still what matters is that I came to understand more and as I do I get closer to normal.

Frodo is a mentor to me...he may not like me saying that or even bringing it up and still he and his story reminds me of courage to change the things I can and the humble honesty in reaching out. I must never forget that...never or I'm done.

You were angry and confused and yet you hung with the family who knew and not with the family you knew (perspective). Today you have another chance. I mahalo (thank) you for gritting your teeth and staying in the fight...this round goes to you and I pray every one does.

((((hugs)))) smile

Frodo · MIP Old Timer

Jerry F wrote:
Frodo is a mentor to me...he may not like me saying that or even bringing it up and still he and his story reminds me of courage to change the things I can and the humble honesty in reaching out. I must never forget that...never or I'm done.

I'm not the droid you are looking for. I'm as lost as they get. I cling to a couple of phrases and sayings that I know work, but the rest is just me groping in the dark trusting that my God of Black Cats and Drunks will stop me banging into anything too painful.

I sometimes think that I have a gift for talking the talk, but take the car when it comes to walking the walk. I'm not the one that you should hitch a star to. There are better out there than me, and my hope is that my waffle might accidentally direct people to them.

jj · MIP Old Timer

This post has been most excellent... thank you for all the honest caring responses. Tasha, i am so proud of your big heart and wonderful response. and Gojo, i am thrilled with your honesty, open mindedness and willingness to admit you had a bug up your butt, but it is gone now and you can think a bit clearer. what a great thing to read and marvel that we who have become pickles can eventually accept it and help each other recognize what awesome pickles we can endeavor to be.... and how boring being a cucumber must be... love you guys....

sheila