I was sober from Sep 1985 until sometime 2011. Then suddenly I drank some wine, felt very good and drunk some more and still felt good. No binge-drinking, tried to keep it under control, even if I know that it will be more and more. But I kept drinking very seldom.
I have been working with educating supervisors in companies about how to deal with alcoholics for over 20 yrs. So I SHOULD KNOW that it sooner or later will be much more. But I kept lying to myself, this is no danger. Late in 2012 it became more and more, but still not very frequent. This year, 2013, I begun drinking hard liquor, but still in a kind of control. I'm married and have four grown up children and they had noticed when I talked to them on the phone, but they thought that they felt wrong. This week my wife found a bottle which I had hidden under the sink in the bathroom and she came to me and asked what it was, and it was just time to tell the truth! She became very angry and went out of the house and called our kids and a good recovering friend, and Game Over!
I have not been attending any meetings in many years, but now it's time. I will begin my sober journey here in this forum, and will go to a meeting on monday. Since my wife's discovery last Monday, I have been reading in this forum, talking to my wife and kids, two of them i have not talking to yet. I have been texting all four of them, but only two have responded. I know my oldest son, 42 years, is very angry at me, but I hope we will have the same good communication as we have had in the past!
I'm living in Sweden and was going to meetings for the first 12 years in my sobriety, then I found the church and my faith from my childhood came back. In the last couple of years I very seldom have visit my church. I have no excuses for my drinking! But not going to AA and the church made me feel very secure, my bad!
I've got prostate cancer this year but after surgery I am feeling good, so I should be feeling good all the time without having to drink, I know I can, but this time I need help and know where to get it! I'm glad I never drank so much that I did something stupid 8except drinking, which is stupid enough). But no drink and drive, no going out in bars, no behaving in a bad way, which I always did before. I know that I have my HP to thank for that, and I have in my prayers thanked God and will still thank him.
The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
Welcome to MIP, runediva :) Thank you so much for sharing your story. Just last week an obnoxious distant relative of mine was trying to convince me that a good friend of his was in AA for 20 years and recently started drinking "in moderation," and now has total self control. He then started slamming AA not knowing I'm in the program, indicating that total abstinence is excessive. He was drunk while telling me this, of course. I told him I didn't agree and that I wished his friend the best. For a split second I wondered if it could be true - and then I remembered how cunning alcoholism is. Your story is a reminder that it'll do anything to get the best of us. Welcome to a great board. -A
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
Welcome! My uncle has a very similar story. Sober over 30 years I think... No AA - only became a super exercise enthusiast and devout church goer. At like 75 years old he started drinking a bit here and there and it ended with him stumbling and falling and bashing his head on the bathroom sink drunk. It took a couple of years and he spouted rationalizations (at me especially knowing I was in AA) like that coffee was a drug and nicotine was a drug...and alcohol is not different and it was his choice to use it knowing the limits he should place on it. I was only a couple years sober (still only almost 5 years sober now) but I was thinking "mmm...ok whatever. Let's see how that works for you..." at the time. When I heard about the slip and fall and pass out thing from my parents I was not happy but it did comfirm everything I have heard in these several years of meetings. Our disease never goes away. Plus it wait until we are most vulnerable...
Welcome back. Actually, I feel there are many many many others who have your story and they don't make it back to the rooms. You will be an inspiration to them and AA will ideally give you lots of purpose now. Helping others while helping yourself is a great way to spend time.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Two things I have heard and read through the years always remain in the forfront of my mind after 25 devastating years out on the tiles
1) Complacency is the enemy of those with substantial clean time(freedom from alcoholism)If WE are complacent for too long the recovery process then ceases..
2)We remember it is easy to float out on a cloud of religious zeal forgetting that we suffer from an incurable illness .
I am from the school of being recovered,only by working recovery daily.I am not cured only arrested as long as I remain in that fit spiritual condition.
Be blessed that the God of your understanding has continued to bring God's grace and mercy and allow you another shot at getting back in the Solution,that is being guided by your HP and the application of spiritual principles in all areas of your life/ Thanks for the message of HOPE,that even when we stumble and fall ,with God's grace and some daily work WE can get back up and move forward in LIFE, a day at a time... Many of my posse went back out and never made it back...........Clean time(freedom from alcoholism) does not equal recovery it is a combination of the work we do and the guidance of our HP'S that determine our journey Some may have been treating themselves longer than others ,but WE share the same illness...... ..Nice meeting you..Have a blessed and productive day.........
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
No matter the age, the program still fits ... meetings are very important ... try to get back into the routine ... we'll help you as much as we can ...
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Aloha Rune and welcome back...I have always loved the Oldtimers and their ESH because someday I hoped to be one. Oldtimers know and oldtimers who know and are willing to give it all away save lives. For me I hang around relapsers and alot of them are oldtimers. I hang around within ear shot picking up the Experiences Strengths and Hope and the tips they have on how to remain sober and what took them out in the first place and for sure as Mikef mentioned...complacency is the thief of sobriety. Welcome back...I'm within ear shot.
You know what you have to do....And I'm glad you made it back. Too many don't. I always have to thank people that do my research for me....Still waiting for the one to come back and say it was better this time. God bless you....And be vigilant.
Welcome back!
I was taught that if I want to save my soul, then go to church, if I want to save my a$$, then go to AA. I try to remember the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous give me a daily reprieve from my disease. Drinking alcohol is only one symptom of this disease. Thinking that I could drink safely again clearly would show that I lost my sanity.
I am sure you know that passive attendance at AA meetings won't be enough. Intensive work with other alcoholics is essential. We can only keep it by giving it away.
God bless, MikeH
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Saturday 13th of July 2013 05:35:50 PM
Welcome back! I was taught that if I want to save my soul, then go to church, if I want to save my a$$, then go to AA. I try to remember the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous give me a daily reprieve from my disease. Drinking alcohol is only one symptom of this disease. Thinking that I could drink safely again clearly would show that I lost my sanity.
Hi db1105, ...
I'm not trying to be cute nor a 'smart a$$' ... but my experience is that many have found AA as a 'spring board' to starting a habit of going to church, or 'back to church' as the case may be ... MEANING that by getting ones' a$$ saved, they also found the one way to also save their soul ...
Ironic, huh ???
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
We, my wife and I, have now been on vacation and I went to three meetings last week!
Feels wonderful to be back! Now I will go to meetings every week, as I used to many years ago! I'm glad for all the response I've got here!
God Bless!
