Before recovery, I had just one voice in my head. Sometimes it was encouraging, even optimistic, but most of the time it was negative and defeatist. It told me things weren't going to get better, so why try? It said things were bad so why not at least feel better by drinking and using? Towards the end, the good part of that voice went away and all I heard was how bad things were and how much worse they were going to get. It's no wonder I hit bottom. 
  
When I entered the program, I heard a lot of talk about the disease of alcoholism. At first my voice told me that was a bunch of crap, and that I was just bad, weak-willed or a loser. But as I got better and the positive voice returned, I discovered it was separate from the negative one. I realized there were actually two voices inside me and I began to understand the disease of alcoholism. 
  
It's taken a long time to nurture and grow the positive voice of recovery, but now I recognize it as the truth spoken to me by my Higher Power. The negative voice is still there sometimes and it surprises me when I hear it, but I know it's my alcoholism, and I've learned to thank it for sharing and then to ignore it.  
  
Today I know that negativity is just my disease asking me to come out to play, and I know now not to listen.