Its been an eventful year thus far.   Amidst the chaos Ive enjoyed my time and have trudged the road with a smile on my face for the most part.  There was one event that shook me but my higher power was able to steady me quickly.  Im sharing the following to catch up with old friends and give hope to those who have not quite come to believe that the gift of serenity is circumstance based.

I started the year off in the hospital after a heart attack.  I have some health issues brought on by my past and my job exacerbates it but one does have to put food on the table.  I also suffer from chronic pain and severe nerve damage as a result of my alcoholism and addiction.  It was then that we found out about my blood pressure.  Years of 25 mg of blood pressure meds had kept me at 120/80 and suddenly, from December to January, something happened.  Over the last six months Ive gone from 25 mg of that particular blood pressure med to 100mgs twice a day of that one, 40mgs twice a day of another and 160mgs of a third one once a day. 

I lost my favorite uncle unexpectedly this February.  Three days later my aunt had a heart attack and died.  A week later, completely unexpectedly, my mother died.  She adopted me because she loved me and as bad as life was with my biological mom, it was that good with her.  She was also my mother-in-laws best friend and so, when my mil died seven years ago, she asked her best friend to take care of her childrenso in a very real sense, my wife lost her mother too.

I didnt find out for a month, but my wife relapsed over her death.  She turned in a dirty UA to her parole officer and was arrested and sent to jail awaiting court.  The Department of Corrections recommendation to the court was life without the possibility of parole which was a strong possibility as all it would take is for them to revoke her parole and that is what she was already facing.  She did twenty days, losing her job in the meantime.  We were down to one income and she had destroyed our savings in that month.  There were no more notches on the belt, we were in trouble financially.  The judge did not accept the recommendation and she came home after thirty days.

Three days later she relapsed and ended up in the ER after an OD.   Ten days later and another trip to the ER later, she went to treatment for 28 days.  Half-way through her treatment I had my second heart attack of the year.  Ive been in the ER seven times this year and admitted three additional times.  She came out of treatment with a good attitude and willingness (today she has 87 days sober).  I had to call into work for the first time after that second heart attack and missed my first day of work after over a year with this company.  They fired me five days later.  It was sometime in May.  Now we are both unemployed and my doctor doesnt want me to work hes told me to apply for SSI.  I think we all have a pretty good idea of how long that can take. 

It was time to call in reinforcements.  I have contact with my higher power through my higher powers secretary.  Yes, its unusual but Im an atheist and so we had to get creative.  I told the secretary that I needed some help something I usually wait on until Ive exhausted anything that I feel I can do.  She said, Ive got this. 

Me: What should I do?

Her: Take your wife to the movies.

Now money has been tight so there hasnt been any movies in a while but okay.  I check the bank account to insure that we have enough in there to use the debit card.  Oh yeah, plenty of money - $87.  So we go and have a great time.  The next afternoon, on her third time checking on me because Im sleeping so long lately, my wife wakes me up accidentally.  My HPs secretary is doing a happy dance in my head. 

Me: Whats going on?

Wife: Nothing honey, I was just checking on you.  Youve been asleep for sixteen hours.

Me: No, somethings going on.  Whats happened this morning?

Wife: Nothing really, maybe you were dreaming.  Its been quiet.  The only call weve gotten is from dad.

The secretary stopped dancing and I could feel her grinning.  It should be noted that I talk to my father every day nothing out of the ordinary. 

Me: Thats it!

Wife: No, he didnt say anything about

Me: Shes doing a happy dance in my head right now stopped when you mentioned dad.

Wife: Ill get the phone!

I get a royalty check every year in August.  It came three months early to Dads house.  It covers the rent, all the bills and a couple hundred left over.  Then the secretary asks me, So what do you want to do for work?  If you could do anything. 

"I'd write...but I don't know how. There's so much I don't know and we need money now."

"You're scared," she said. It wasn't a question, or judgment, just a statement of fact.

"Yeah."

And then she laughed. It seems so wrong to call what she did a laugh. She wasn't laughing at me, the laugh was pure rejoicing...childlike; I would, without a moments hesitation, give up the gift of hearing to have that sound reverberate in my head forever.

"How can you fear knowing I love you?" It was rhetorical.

So Im writing my second book now, my first novel.  Junes rent and bills were covered.  Then July was on the horizon.  I checked the bank account there is $142 in it.  Rent itself is $800.  My wife gets a job and starts at the end of June but we arent going to get a check in time to even help, let alone pay our bills.  I get in touch again. 

Do I need to do anything about these bills, I ask.

Yes.

What do I do?

Listen to Michelle (my wife); she has the answer and is bringing it to you right now.

What do I start.

Honey, my wife says as she walks into the room, I was just thinking, with only one of us working now, do we need two cars?

My higher powers secretary actually said, Ta-Da!

So we called dad who was in the car business for 40 years and asked him what the fair market value was.  He told us that it was $1200.  That wasnt going to be enough and so I asked her, What do we do about the rest of the money we need or is that coming another way? She told me to ask for what I needed.  So we did.  Put the car on Craigslist for $2000.  The phone rang a half hour later and they bought the car immediately.

Anywho, so things have been great.