Hey AlcoHater, ...

To ask a question like that can be dangerous ... like lighting the fuse to an explosive ... you'd best be discussing such issues with a sponsor, someone whom you trust and look up to ... someone who can talk about these things in such a way so as to not piss you off so much that you wouldn't return ... this could be a resentment in the making, be careful ...

AlcoHater wrote:

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 So would it be appropriate to offer them the opputunity to take my inventory for me, I dunno, after a meeting?

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 No.  One important aspect of the steps are to become willing to dig and do the work.  By allowing others to do the work for you, you are shortchanging yourself.  Another benefit from doing the steps is that we come to know ourselves.  No two people experience a person, place or thing identically.  By using another persons experience of you, you don't form your own ideas of who you are.

It's like turning in your homework after copying the answers out of the back of the textbook or getting a fellow student to share their answers with you - you complete the assignment but haven't achieved an understanding of the material.

You can correct me if I'm wrong but I would think other people taking your inventory is a reason for your drinking and anger before you got here. Get a sponsor, do the steps with him the nature of you wrongs will be revealed.

Alcohater: If you're talking about doing Step 4, that's something you have to do for yourself. YOU need to recognize YOUR character defects for YOURSELF. It won't work any other way because it's a process of self-assessment. You don't need a sponsor to start doing Step 4, but it might be helpful later on to check your lists with someone who's done the step before, whether you consider them a sponsor or not.

If you don't have a copy of the Big Book, you can download it here...

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

You want Chapter 5, How It Works, starting on the first full paragraph of p. 64. Start there and read very slowly and carefully to the end of the chapter.

You make three lists in Step 4: resentments, fears, and relationships (specifically sexual ones). It has to be written down. If you want some more specific advise about how it's done, I'd be glad to go into more detail.

What you're experiencing is exactly what most alcoholics experience when they reach this step: our illness has blinded us to our defects, and we can't come up with anything! Anger in itself is not a defect of character, it's simply an emotion. We have to dig deeper, and that's what the method in the Big Book allows us to do. It has to be a thorough biopsy of our soul - we need to look at all the cancerous crap in there before we can begin to remove it with the remaining steps.

AlcoHater wrote:

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Okay, folks, here's a kooky problem. I ask myself "do I still have character defects BESIDES the anger?" If so, what are they? None of you can answer that because you've never met me. But there are PLENTY of folks in face2face who do. So would it be appropriate to offer them the opputunity to take my inventory for me, I dunno, after a meeting? Because I don't know what other character defects I have! I really don't! Oh, I don't have a sponsor, if I did, then I wouldn't be posting this. Has this thought ever crossed anyone elses mind? I think it'd be helpful to me. What do you think? ThanX!-AlcoHater

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 Hi Alcohater.

I can relate to how you are feeling and my experience is a little different to some of the other posters. I was so badly damaged mentally when I arrived in the fellowship, that insisting on doing a 4th step on my own would have been close to a death sentence for me. I simply lacked the intellectual capacity to take this step without a lot of help and explanation (of terms and meaning of words) as I worked.

In the old days when they had such a great success rate, it was common for the sponsor to help the pigeon even to the extent of doing the writing for them. The early members recognised the huge importance of this step and the urgency in getting on with it. I was fortunate to have a sponsor who worked along the same lines.  It saved my life.

My 4th step is a comparatively simple document which I still have. What surprises me, given the state I was in at the time, is that it seems very accurate. In any case, it did the trick. As in so much about this program, my actions were way ahead of my understanding.

What I see too much of these days is the expectation that a newcomer will write an inventory approaching an epic novel, on their own. Many find this too daunting and never get it done as a result. And the price of delay can be severe to the real alcoholic. One such young man comes to mind. He had a sponsor who put him on the slow path with the steps. He followed the advice he was given, which was mainly don't drink and go to meetings, and could not understand why he was not getting well. Sure he was not drinking, but the internal condition was giving hime a real bad time. He was doing everything asked of him. He was told he was not ready for the 4th step. After 2 years he could take it no more and was found in the forest hanging from a tree. Such a tragic waste.

The Big Book is really a text book, like a maths book. It would not be that effective if a teacher thought all he had to do with his students was give them a book, and let them teach themselves. Same for us. A sponsor is in many ways a teacher. Some of his pupils will have more ability that others, so some will need more help. I needed help with the 4th step, perhaps you do too.

God bless,

MikeH.