I thought all the slogans and rituals and people reading and holding hands was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo cheesy when I first started.
I mean really - did they have to make it so uncomfortable for MEEEE???
LOL - oooo I can change the font and stuff... and actually see what I'm typing lol yeah - small joys : )
Anyway - as it's been about 400+ of these meetings now... I am sort of starting to see the point... and also - that everything isn't always about me hehe. Just a little on that last part.
Do people who aren't from Wisconsin say cheesy too?
I'm lucky to be right smack dab in the middle of a very united recovery group here in western WI. We have potlucks and mixed gatherings between the AA and Alanon/Adult child groups. The Adult child meetings are blended with Alanon, and our speaker pot lucks at the end of the week share the position so that we get to hear each others side of the story - and I like that a lot. I really couldn't imagine being segregated... but I here that is more the norm. That's sad to me - however - grateful is the healthy place I allow my mind to go with it. No sense in doing all that old behavior anymore. I read a cute little bit about the ol' 'half glass full, half glass empty' thing - and hey - I'm just happy to have a glass... and that is what the program does for my thought process these days. It takes me to that place that I didn't even know was an option!
I had to have a sponsor to get me thinking outside the box a little on all this stuff. On anything really - since I can only think like me... and it wasn't working lol!
I'm glad she allowed me to see that holding hands allowed me to reach out my hand and become 'a part of' without really having to stick my hand out there so to speak. Well hey - if everyone is doing it - of course I'm going to follow suite! And I did... and I realized much later - that I was reaching my heart out for the first time ever... and my hand was there too.
I realized that I could pray - even a simple prayer - and nothing bad was going to happen to me - like being struck dead lol. I realized the habit was okay - and I liked it - it calmed me... and they TRICKED ME into that one too! All the while I was huffing and puffing about it - here it was molding me into what I always wanted to be and didn't know it!
I saw the way people began to identify in my shares... or in my page selection. I identified with them too. I felt for them. I did a lot of judging at first - and then it came my turn to cry - and God showed me how to stop being judgmental of those 'blubbering ones' and feel empathy - real compassion - and real love for people I didn't even know. I was loving my fellows and myself - and THEY TRICKED me into it again! It wasn't long before He allowed me to be ready to start warming up, welcoming others... taking service positions... leading a meeting... and giving back what was freely given to me.
I love cheese.
Thanks for listening : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
It really is amazing what a total transformation of character this program creates.
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
I sometimes wish everyone in the world, alcoholic or not, could be in an AA program. I think humanity as a whole would be a lot humbler, more patient, and kind. Thanks for this post.
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
I sometimes wish everyone in the world, alcoholic or not, could be in an AA program. I think humanity as a whole would be a lot humbler, more patient, and kind. Thanks for this post.
In fact, this is why so many disparate groups have taken up the 12 Steps and adapted them to their own use. They provide a spiritual solution to many of life's challenges.
HOWEVER, that's also how the AA Fellowship got in trouble early on. Their solution to alcoholism worked so well they thought they could extend themselves to solving everybody else's problems. It was a failure, and from that failure was born the primary purpose: to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety.
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
I sometimes wish everyone in the world, alcoholic or not, could be in an AA program. I think humanity as a whole would be a lot humbler, more patient, and kind. Thanks for this post.
Thought that myself, but without the Sword of Damocles...
Marcus Aurelius - a Roman emperor who ruled from 161-180 AD - wrote the wonderful 'Meditations' that would mostly fit into this program, and in some cases be welcome additions, but he fathered probably the worst emperor Rome had.
You can lead a horse...
And as I recently found out it isn't enough to know in the mind how good this program is: without the soul getting it, it's just more clutter to a hectic day for most people.
Wow - I've never thought of it that way - but yes I agree!
My mom came to stay with us for the past couple days. I was thinking of how she had tried to get me into AA quite a few times that I had forgotten about in the past 10 or so years. The problem really was though 1. I wasn't able to hear what people were saying here - it WAS just more clutter like you said. 2. She had been in Alanon for years when she was still married to my dad (also alcoholic) and she always claimed she just LOVED it and it taught her how to live. However... I didn't see her living any differently. I didn't see her change - and definitely DID NOT want what she had. She was the shamer - the yeller - the spanker - the one who I felt was the crazy one.
I think deep down, I resented this program because I resent(ed) her so much - I think I thought it was the cause of their divorce -and the cause of all our problems as a family. She never once took the time to explain a single thing for us. She never once showed me in any way that this program did any good. She was/is a liar - a sneak - she can't talk about feelings - she's fake - she's 100 different people depending on who she's with - she steals - she's unethical - she's all work and no play - she's not balanced - she's a reactor and on and on and on. Everything I was - and am no longer. However... she was in the program for years and years. I think seeing is believing. And there wasn't and isn't anything to see.
I was so sick from living with her and my father. When I was finally at my own bottom and could listen and not just feel more clutter - I was like a sponge = this should have been my life all along but alanon failed us!! The world failed me! Why did I have to live with such crappy parents???? I was so resentful. I have had a terrible weekend with my mother trying to micromanage and back pedal and over rule my shame free parenting style. It superseded the tragedy with my daughter this morning and was the first thing on my mind.
But I needed to think it through. I let my mind meditate on it for a long while. I lay sick in the bed and felt a cold sweat. I knew this was going to sting whatever was coming... and finally the answers did come. It was a bad childhood. Scary and disrupted. Well - it wasn't really even a childhood. The roles were reversed in our house. I let that sting for a while. I cried over the loss of my youth. I had been trying to make excuses for them long enough. It HAD to be okay for just a moment to acknowledge that they were really bad at being parents... and even worse - that they could not grasp or truly hear this program in their soul. My Dad just didn't keep going after a few meetings, and my mom... even after years... clearly didn't get it.
And that is common isn't it. Most people just get more clutter. Very few people we sit next to actually get this in their soul. And it stung... that my parents... who I love... didn't get it. They are still my hero's you know? But to see them for what they really were... imperfect people who actually were not only NOT the best at something, but couldn't get it at all... that... allowed ME to... GROW UP - and stop just SAYING I'm being my own loving parent by positive self talk - but FEEL that it's okay to let them go and be my own loving parent and trust even further... that everything IS inside - and my HP WILL provide - and it was okay to let go and just love them for who they are. Stop the madness - and just let the sadness wash over me - and then... get out of bed... and move on.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
